My parents are gone-my mother passed last December. Recently, I went to Cape Cod to open my parent’s summer home-in which we spent many happy summers. I am also making plans to retire, and will likely leave the state I’m in. I started feeling a bit sad, knowing that i will probably never see this place again (once I leave)-my brothers will keep the house. But the prospect of packing up and leaving for good is a bit frightening. Still, life goes on-I suppose i should treat this as another adventure. Do you sometimes wish that life could go one…as it did when your parents were alive?
I lost my father 32 years ago, my mother 15 years ago. While losing my mother turned out to be a growth experience for me, yes, I do sometimes wish my life could go on much the way it was with her still in it.
I think we often believe that, once we reach adulthood, nothing much else is going to change in our life. I know I once believed that. It seemed to me that childhood and adolescent was for growing and discovering oneself and adulthood was about picking a path and living it unwaveringly. You can imagine my surprise to discover that the things I was so sure would be permanent – jobs, relationships, homes – were in fact always in a state of change.
Though you haven’t asked for any advice, I will offer a little: You are experiencing both the loss of your last parent and your upcoming retirement, which is its own kind of loss. It is normal and expected to have a wide range of emotions, some which might not make much sense. Be kind to yourself and take your time. You’ll figure it out.