Where’d this happen? We might go to the same store so I can be on the lookout for said offender, we’ve got three little ones.
I’m in the over reacting camp. Having been myself “raised by a village”, I can’t help but roll eyes when people are so upset by a stranger having minor interactions with their children.
A couple posters have stated that parents are unreasonnably over protective when they wrap their child in ten layers of cloth yet he would die from exposure, and I think they are equally unreasonnably protective when they are upset by a stranger interacting with the kid, or can’t handle the nightmarish tought of said stranger actually touching the kid.
The kid won’t die if he doesn’t have his hood on, and he won’t die if a well-intentionned stranger puts his hood on, either.
In any case, if it irritates you that much, then just tell her not to touch your daughter. Since you didn’t even do that, I’m not sure why you’d want to send a letter and maybe have her fired basically because she’s too well-intentionned, even though misguided. If you were, say, irritating one of your neighbor for whatever reason (your music is too loud, for instance), would you rather want him to tell you so first, or to go directly to the police to complain?
Honest, serious question: what exactly makes the idea of a stranger touching your kid mind-boggling to you?
You equate a well-meaning stranger putting a child’s hat on in 45 degree weather to a strange man groping a woman’s breasts? Wow.
You know, if you go out in public, occasionally people will interact with you. Sometimes they’ll even enter your personal space. You should learn how to deal with such minor infractions because if a real problem were to ever find its way into your sheltered existence, you might need to draw on those coping skills.
It was a joke. But uninvited physical contact is still uninvited physical contact. What if a total stranger started touching your head. Would you be OK with that? Why should the OP be OK with a stranger touching his child’s head?
Interaction is perfectly fine. I interact with people all the time. And my coping skills are great. I would say “Please don’t touch my child,” and if they continued to do so, I’d escalate from there, just like I advised the OP to do.
My 10 month old has been sick on-and-off enough this season that I really don’t need someone who is handling dozens of other peoples receipts touching him thanks-so-much.
I don’t mean to get all Howard Hugheish on you but I spend a lot of time disinfecting toys and surfaces so my kid stays healthy. And it’s not just me. The gals at his daycare spend a good portion of their day disinfecting toys, floors, surfaces, cribs, etc. for the exact same reason. They know how fast germs spread and get little ones ill.
That collar you just pulled up? Yeah, that’s the same collar he usually ends up putting in his mouth.
So hands off unless you go wash them first.
I completely agree with this! Other than the fact that it creeps me out for a stranger to touch someone’s child for any reason without permission - does anyone have any idea the last time that woman washed her hands? Did every clerk who changed the receipt paper in the registers was his/her hands when they went to the restroom? Did every customer who accepted a receipt wash their hands? And so on… Every cold/flu season, all the media is full of how important hand-washing is to stop the spread of germs.
On the other hand (the clean one) - unless you are fire-of-a-thousand-burning-suns furious about this, I wouldn’t write a letter to corporate. I would have a talk with the store manager and have it handled in-house.
Check your PM.
I don’t think it’s the physical contact that gets up everybody’s ass though - it’s the insinuation that she, a complete stranger, should have to do some parenting for you lest your child get frostbite. When I examine my responses to incidents like this, that’s usually what it boils down to. Less “how dare you touch my child” and more “how dare you question my parenting”. For example, I once had a man stop by our table (in a very casual, almost fast food type place) and start to tie my son’s shoe. I didn’t think he was going to abduct my son. I didn’t think he was going to go home and get his rocks off thinking about tying that shoe. I did resent the implication that if he didn’t do it then it wouldn’t get done. So I smiled, said thanks, then turned to my son and said “Tell the man thank you. But remember, you should never talk to a stranger unless I am standing right next to you.”
I say don’t change your routine to avoid her, don’t wear yourself out worrying about it. Next time she starts in make a physical block by stepping in the way and just say “thanks, I got it from here”
Interesting question, because my immediate gut reaction to the OP was to wonder what in the hell the girl at the store was thinking. I guess because I can’t stand strangers getting in my personal space much less touching me, it strikes me as very disrespectful and weird. Why in the world WOULD anyone touch a strange child or presume to dress the child?
I don’t know–I’m trying to articulate why I had the response I had but I’m not succeeding very well. I guess it comes down to degrees–it’s one thing to say “Oh, what a cute baby” and pinch it’s cheek and quite another to be so presumptuous as to decide what kind of clothing is or is not appropriate for a stranger’s child.
On preview, muldoonthief has articulated my thoughts very well.
My daughter was an absolutely beautiful child, the picture of health and little girlness. Several times, I had to firmly ask people not to touch her or give her things to eat.
My answer to “but it’s cold out” would be “Don’t touch her”.
My answer to “but I don’t want her to get sick” would be “Don’t touch her”.
I don’t see you as overreacting now so much as regretting your underreaction while a stranger was making you and your child ucomfortable.
What Cyn said.
Kids arent toys, and its important to let kids decide when they dont want strangers to touch them, where possible. Its a fairly basic human respect thing in my view.
Its always annoying when you’re not quick enough at the time, but a letter would be a bit of a nuclear option in my view. Just rehearse how you’d like to act if a similar incident happened is my take.
Otara
Please put me in the column that yes, you are over reacting. My little beauty was on the receiving kind of attention like this when she was a mere munchkin…and I always thought it was sweet that people was so cute and concerned about the little ones.
What was wrong with “Nice of you to be concerned. Thank you.” or were you afraid of cooties?
I don’t have kids and don’t want to have kids but I do know my boundaries. I would never touch a strangers child or offer any advice that wasn’t needed. I suspect the OP knows when his child needs to be bundled up and when a jacket alone will do.
That moron at the store was overstepping the boundaries and should have been called on it. Joey P , I wish you had told her to not touch your child in any manner and not to touch any strangers child. I don’t care if she thought she was doing a good deed. If a child is not in imminent danger you do not treat them as if they are your personal posessions.
This bothers me a lot more than it should, I think. Most parents are attuned to their childrens’ needs and don’t need random strangers to give them advice. Mind your business unless the intrusion is warranted.
Overacting, in my opinion. Parents are way too easily freaked out these days.
Another vote for over-reacting. It sounds to me like you’re more mad that you didn’t say anything at the time. If you think she was acting from good intentions, as you say, then IMO it is over-kill to send a letter to her manager or to corporate when you didn’t say anything to her.
Babies are an attractive nuisance; some people seem to think they are public property – that the “it takes a village” mentality means that you can parent other people’s kids for them, even in their presence. Annoying? Sure. But not malicious.
If she does it again, I think you certainly could say something, even something like “Please don’t touch my child. You’ve done this before, and I really don’t appreciate it. A LOT of parents don’t appreciate it.” I even liked, “You take care of the receipts and I’ll handle the parenting.” But I wouldn’t write a letter if you think she meant well and was acting solely out of ignorance.
I don’t think you’re overreacting. I’m not terribly picky about strangers cooing and poking and playing with my babies, but…
My 2-year-old recently had stitches in his head, which were not easily visible because of his beautiful blond curls. Some stranger putting a hood on him might have hurt him.
Hello! She made the baby cry! This little family is minding its own business and this busybody goes and upsets the baby! I’d be annoyed too … .
I think she was wrong to start dressing your child when she should have been doing her job, but I do have a story on the other side of things…
When I worked in the maternity store in the mall (fate worse than death I tell you!) this woman brought in 4 kids while she looked for clothes for the next few months while she waited for number 5. One of them sat in a chair, began rocking back and forth, and immediately pulled it over on top of himself. He is crying and screaming, trapped under a chair, I look at her and she is still browsing the nursing bras, completely ignoring the screaming child. I went and picked up the chair to let the kid out of his self-imposed jailhouse and she freaked out on me. “Don’t touch him! He is fine! Get away from him!” Fine lady, then be a fucking parent and take care of it already!
This woman at the store probably sees hideous parents every day and has to stop children from climbing into the crane machine or hiding in the carts and stuff to keep them from dying. Hell, many parents drop their kids off at department stores because they don’t want to pay for a babysitter. It has probably become old hat for her to keep a watchful eye on little ones. I would let it go and just keep your kid out of her reach from now on. I don’t particularly like kids so I wouldn’t be anxious to start dressing up other people’s children but I understand she probably saw someone else wheel a child in a tank top and shorts out into that 45 degree weather a few minutes before you came through and she wanted to make sure that yours was warm. I say cut her some slack and just keep your kid away from her if need be.
Just an observation for anyone who is firmly in the “touch my kid and I will be extremely upset” camp and/or any parent with a child who is stressed when well-meaning strangers come too close: under NO circumstances should you travel to exotic locations where your child looks a lot different from what the locals are used to.
My kid is blond and attracts a lot of attention in locales where blonds are a rarity. When he was a toddler traveling in small towns in Africa and Asia, people were constantly touching him, hugging him, scooping him up to play with him, etc. – far beyond what would be culturally acceptable in the US.
He loved the attention and always had a big smile for the people lavishing affection on him, so it was never a problem for us. However, I have friends whose children found being pawed by strangers to be extremely frightening. In particular, parents with a redheaded child said it was a real trial to travel in places where the locals had never seen that haircolor.