As you know, if nothing else you are an outlier on the jealously scale. However, I too have to wonder about your true feelings for your spouse, especially when you say you do experience jealousy over other men. I picture a large gap in attractiveness, with you being the winner, or something along those lines. Sometimes people aren’t accurate in their self-reporting. Not that they’re lying but just that it’s easy to not be completely in touch with our feelings or honest with ourselves at times. Of course I don’t know you so I could easily be wrong. Let me ask you this, how would you feel if your husband left you for one of the women he was dating?
Yes, you’re abnormal, and I really feel like you’re just not into your husband. You have jealousy for people who you can’t be with, but not for your husband - seems you’re more emotionally invested in them.
To me cheating is a symptom that your relationship isn’t working. Usually people do not seek out others to have sex with when their partner is fulfilling their needs.
That would then mean you are against the concept of an open marriage. I’m not sure how your comments thus apply to the OP.
I personally will state that the best relationships I’ve been in, my partner has not been jealous. Jealousy is insecurity. It’s a normal insecurity, but still an insecurity, and thus it is possible to be overcome.
Then again, I do not know anything about open relationships. I can’t imagine being in one as a permanent setup. It would more seem to me to be a phase–either you’d wind up alone eventually, breakup, or everyone would need to be in the relationship.
But they’re not cheating on each other.
Or she could just be totally secure in the stability of their relationship and know in her heart of hearts that he’s not going anywhere. She knows she has him, whereas with unavailable or uninterested guys, she knows she can’t have them. Makes perfect sense to me to be a little envious of people who have what you want but can’t have, even though you don’t want it all that badly and would certainly never entertain the notion of trading something you already have to obtain it.
As I said, I can’t remember ever feeling even a twinge of jealousy over my husband. Not when he was subletting a room in a house full of girls when we were in school. Not when he went on trips with female classmates or friends without me. Not when he goes to concerts and bars and festivals with female friends who are very vocally sexually frustrated without me. Not even when someone asked him a few weeks ago how long he and one of our female friends had been dating.
It’s not because I don’t love him with every fiber of my being, because I do. It’s not because I’m a better catch than him, because I’m quite honestly not. We’re both pretty average looking, but he’s funnier and more fun than I am, plus he’s a doctor who cooks. The last bit alone would pull him a lot of tail even if he looked like Quasimodo and picked his nose while talking about his cat’s birthday party.
But he doesn’t want other women. He wants me. I know that in my bones, like I know the cat will run across half an acre of hardwood to throw up on the only rug in the house, or the sun will come up in the east. That’s just the kind of guy he is, and if he wasn’t that kind of guy, I wouldn’t have married him.
I agree.
I don’t really consider not wanting your SO to have sex with another person a sign of jealousy.
I’m torn. I read that and part of me says, “Hey, it’s great that people are that confident about their relationships!” and another part of me says, “I bet a lot of people are that confident about their relationships, right up until the other person leaves.”
There’s confidence and then there’s arrogance. There’s security and then there’s taking for granted. I don’t know where these lines are and would never presume to tell the OP which side of them shes’ on, but I think it’s possible to be on the bad side of them while thinking you’re on the good side.
The thing I wonder about relationships like the OP’s and WhyNot’s is – it seems like a fair arrangement, if that’s what you want to call it, in the short term while each of you has an active sex life. But what happens when that changes? Say you has a medical condition or injury that prevents you from having sex or makes it painful or undesirable: say, a hysterectomy or spinal cord injury or certain kinds of medication. Meanwhile, your husband is still having a ball (so to speak) with his latest pickup. Can you picture yourself rooting for him then? Or will you ask him to stop - and what if he feels that’s unfair?
I don’t have a jealous bone in my body. I would prefer my partner to be only with me but I could see myself in an open relationship like the OP.
I have had partners ‘cheat’ on me and I never felt jealous. I felt betrayed.
I think jealousy is a terrible “emotion” and people who get jealous are strange.
Why would you prefer that if it isn’t jealousy?
What a strange question.
What would happen in a monogamous marriage? Obviously, in a monogamous marriage, it would create great strain to have a sexually healthy person “stuck with” an asexual person. In an open marriage, I wouldn’t have to feel guilty that he was stuck with me and no sex; he could get his sexual needs met elsewhere. Of course I wouldn’t ask him to stop when it was even more needful. 
(And, uh, why would a hysterectomy make sex painful or undesirable?)
Are you, uh, serious?
A simple Google search of: hysterectomy diminished sex drive will show you plenty of data. I’m rather surprised you asked that.
I don’t equate “diminished” with painful, certainly, and not even really with “undesirable”. Less frequent, perhaps.
Well, since we’ve promised one another to be faithful from the outset, I guess ideally we’d continue living up to that promise. The lack of sex would kind of suck for the healthier partner at first, I guess, but marriage by definition means it’s not all about you. And at the end of the day it shouldn’t be the be all end all of the relationship: AFAIK the only people who declare they can’t go on without their “sexual needs met” tend to do so in high school in the backs of cars.
I know my husband doesn’t get jealous. I have never seen evidence that my girlfriend gets jealous. Neither have has other partners since we have been together, I would expect them to take the same care as I would in selecting another partner, but I don’t see that as very likely in any case. Maybe before my husband’s fibromyalgia became so bad. He has always flirted heavily. It never made me jealous.
Our children know I love both my husband and KellyM and they see us kiss and cuddle, as I saw my parents do.
My husband’s lack of jealousy has worked to his advantage. Now that he can’t work, he has two people looking out for him. He has children he could never have on his own. He has as much sex as he can handle and no more, without me nagging him for more, which is what I would do, as I used to when we were much younger.
Many divorces happen because sexual needs are not met.
No doubt it’s cited as a reason, but I’m skeptical on the “needs” - as in I’ll die if I won’t get it - part. Sexual preferences, to be sure …
I guess I would think of someone with diminished sex drive to consider most sex undesirable. And, of course, when a woman isn’t into it, it can be very painful.
No dog in this fight, otherwise. Just a nibby comment. 
I don’t think it’s the be all and end all, but it’s important. Sexual needs do exist. They can be quashed, but that just means that one person is walking around quashed all the time, and lots of people don’t wanna be quashed! (I love the word quashed. Forgive me.)
I think a lot of this is that often there’s a lack of effort and respect on both sides, but yeah.
“Quashed” *is *a great word. 
It still sounds like you’re conflating them, to me. It’s not just the sex that makes it infidelity. It’s the lying and the lack of your partner’s consent. I find it hard to believe you “wouldn’t freak out” upon finding out your partner had been lying to you. Would you be okay if you learned your partner took your credit cards and maxed them out without asking you?
Hell, I’d think that finding out your partner lied over something you consider relatively inconsequential would be worse – if they’re lying about the dumb, unimportant shit, what else are they lying about? The sex may be inconsequential, but the deceit isn’t. (Or shouldn’t be. I have no idea how a relationship could function without a high level of honesty and trust.)
On the other hand, if you’re informing your relationships with your feelings about sex, then presumably you’re engaging in relationships where sexual fidelity is explicitly not expected from the start, and that both partners have discussed and consented to this. I don’t see the point in waiting til someone has cheated to have this conversation. Nor is there cheating involved if everyone has already consented. Hell, you can cheat in an open relationship, too, if you do something one of your partners hasn’t consented to.
Also: not all humans are “naturally non-monogamous.” It’s not the only ideal upon which to inform our relationships, nor is it a particularly good idea to assume that it’s the best one for everyone.