It doesn’t really bother me, I’m happy with the way I am, but I am curious if anyone else is like this.
My husband and I have an open marriage. If you’re not familiar, that means we can see other people on the side. We always check with each other before we start seeing someone, and we each always have the right to put a stop to things if we ever feel uncomfortable.
Here’s the thing. I’ve never had the slightest bit of jealousy/discomfort/whatever with my husband seeing someone else, so long as he 1) doesn’t lie to me and 2) still wants to be with me. Even in monogamous relationships, cheating would have only upset me because my SO had broken a promise and/or lied to me. I know my husband loves me, and that attraction or even love for someone else won’t make him love me any less.
On the other hand, my husband has use his “veto card” twice because he got jealous of someone I was seeing. He’s told me that every time I’ve been with someone else he’s felt at least a twinge of jealousy. It’s just that usually is small enough that he can just ignore it. On the whole he feels being able to pursue women he’s interested in is worth the price of feeling a bit jealous from time to time.
The only times I’ve really felt jealous were when I had feelings for someone I couldn’t be with (because they didn’t feel the same way, or they were already in a monogamous relationship, etc). Then I felt jealous of whoever they were with because they got to be with someone I wanted, but couldn’t be with.
I’ve talked to a number of friends about my lack of jealousy, including other people in open/poly relationships. I’ve yet to find anyone who has no jealousy at all with people they’re in relationships with. Am I the only one who feels this way?