Am I too old to date a 19-year-old? (long, stupid)

In My Humble Opinion
61

Hey, if she’s into it, why the hell wouldn’t you be? Christ, I hear moans and complaints all the time from men who say women never take the initiative when it comes to dating. Now you have a woman not only taking the intiative–but she’s also young and nubile! Call her!

Worst case scenario? You go out with her and it feels way too weird to kiss her, and you have to tell her that while she is young, smart, funny and sexy, your brain is a complete moron and can’t seem to get past her age, despite all the excellent reasons to do so. However, at least you can look back and never wonder “what if I DID call her?”

62

I think FRDE has expressed—if a bit incoherently/inscrutably—exactly what I was thinking as I read this OP. Cleverly expressed, but maybe “too clever by half,” to excerpt from Skald’s own dialogue.

I will give the author the benefit of the doubt and presume there exists an actual real-life event at the core of the embellishments, but in toto this tale doesn’t ring particularly true, in my always very humble opinion.

63

Featherlou is doing a fine job expressing most of my feelings on the subject. I just wanted to throw in a couple of comments:

You say Elly’s body language was off-putting. I’m wondering if she intuited that Beth was about to horn in on the situation; it certainly seems possible, since Beth was already putting her 2 cents into your conversation.

Also, does this read strangely to anyone else:

[QUOTE=Skald the Rhymer]
At one point, when it was just the three of us in the café and I was about to ask Elly if I might call her sometimes, Beth called out that I was very transparent. “Skaldie, you don’t give a damn about what Elly thinks about the election,” she said. “You’re just trying to get into her pants. Or maybe my pants. Possibly both our pants. Anyway, you’re trying to unzip somebody’s pants.”

[/QUOTE]
Why would Skald’s conversation with Elly have anything to do with *Beth’s * pants?

I don’t like her either.

64

I dated a 28 year old when I was 18. There is a definite unequality there, and we ended up breaking up a few months later. Now that I’m in my late 30s, the unequality doesn’t exist (haven’t seen the guy in years, don’t care to btw). I’m more mature, more confident, more at home in my own skin. Other Dopers’ experiences notwithstanding, there’s a maturity difference here that bothers me.

This wasn’t an OP about “I visit the libray about four times a week and there’s this really cute girl who can quote Robert Heinlein in casual conversation and I’d like to ask her out but she’s about 18 years younger than I am. What should I do?” This was an OP about “I visit the library about four times a week and there’s this really nice lady about my age and oooh! Shiny Beth!”

Please please please reconsider asking Elly out. And if she says yes, then order your coffee someplace else. I wouldn’t put it past Beth to vinegar it out of spite.

65

[QUOTE=ivylass]
This would be my guess. After all, what 30 year old woman wants to get into a competition with a 19 year old? She’s not married, she had a recent bad date, maybe she’s feeling a bit unsure of herself to tell Beth to scram.
[/QUOTE]

I would like to add to this as well. In my younger - much bitchier - days I used to become incredibly attracted to men that my “friends” were interested in.

Not for long, just long enough to show I could do it.

I was also a very sarcastic, well-read young woman, but I used to be very mean. For some reason, men were attracted to that is droves. Idiots, in some cases they lost the chance at something great for my smoke and mirrors.

Thank goodness I have changed - but something to be aware of…

66

Ignore the sour persimmons in this Thread,
Go.
Have sex.
Cuddle afterward.
You and the lady only get one life.
Be happy.

67

This looks to be a classic case of having a bird in hand, while wondering if the bird in the bush might not be better.

Beth made the move on you, gave you her number, and called you. Elly, it seems, is just not that into you.

Stick with the bird at hand.

68

[QUOTE=Bosda Di’Chi of Tricor]
Ignore the sour persimmons in this Thread,
<snip>
[/QUOTE]

You know, I would normally just let that pass, but I think I’ll take a little umbrage at it. I would say that most of the “sour persimmons” in this thread are ladies of about Elly’s age, and there are some very good reasons why ladies in their 30’s and 40’s get sour about older men dating much younger women. We don’t have an expiration date (well, except for having babies, and women are more than just their uterus) - women, like men, actually do get better with age, and I am not impressed with the way our society still has a marked tendency to dismiss older (read: less obviously sexy) women.

69

[QUOTE=ivylass]
This wasn’t an OP about “I visit the libray about four times a week and there’s this really cute girl who can quote Robert Heinlein in casual conversation and I’d like to ask her out but she’s about 18 years younger than I am. What should I do?” This was an OP about “I visit the library about four times a week and there’s this really nice lady about my age and oooh! Shiny Beth!”
[/QUOTE]

I didn’t get that at all. Elly was the shiny one; Elly was the one he wanted to ask out; and it was Beth with whom he’s had extensive conversations about books for some time.

Let’s make sure I understand. Those guys got to kick it with some feisty, erudite hottie for a while and then move on. Said feisty, erudite hottie had a shot at some great guys, but chose her self-absorbed attitude instead. And, it was those men who were idiots? If this is a lesson for anybody, it’s a lesson for Beth, not Skald.

Admittedly, I haven’t been following the thread that closely; however, I’m not sure I’ve seen that many good reasons for Elly-aged women to be bent out of shape about this. I think you’ve way over estimated the extent to which society tells guys how terribly more sexy young women are than not-young women.

While I don’t follow movies and television much, I am honestly having trouble coming up with examples of older-men, younger-women combinations that are portrayed in a positive light. The baby-faced dream girl is a myth: half the primate species find the most attractive females to be mature adults with a couple offspring (and I think humans are one of those species). And FWIW, FHM’s sexiest women of 2006 are nearly evenly split above & below the line separating 29 years old from 30 years old.

But suppose the arguments against Beth/Skald dating are compelling, then one must note the following:

  1. He has not asked Elly out, so no relationship to break up;
  2. Skald and Beth won’t last;
  3. Elly will see that Skald and Beth don’t last because she’s not mature;
  4. Elly is more mature, and apparently enough for Skald to be a goober around her; therefore
  5. Elly can just sit tight for a couple months for the big head to get bored with the shiny little hottie the small head got distracted by.

The arguments against Skald and Beth going out are wholly self-defeating: it’ll be a short-term fling with not depth and a quick break-up of mutual boredom. So, why should anybody let it get stuck in their craw? In a month Skald will be back after Elly, and wiser to the value of her adult charms.

The real risk for the naysayers is that they just might be wrong… :stuck_out_tongue:

70

[QUOTE=featherlou]
You know, I would normally just let that pass, but I think I’ll take a little umbrage at it. I would say that most of the “sour persimmons” in this thread are ladies of about Elly’s age, and there are some very good reasons why ladies in their 30’s and 40’s get sour about older men dating much younger women. We don’t have an expiration date (well, except for having babies, and women are more than just their uterus) - women, like men, actually do get better with age, and I am not impressed with the way our society still has a marked tendency to dismiss older (read: less obviously sexy) women.
[/QUOTE]

Hmm…can I defend myself?

My inclination is to date women my own age, and I think I made in clear in the OP that my first thought, upon being presented the possibility of dating a woman so much younger, was “Ye Gods, man, you mock men who do that all the time – are you such an utter hypocrite?” But then, as **Lightray ** said,

[QUOTE=Lightray]

This looks to be a classic case of having a bird in hand, while wondering if the bird in the bush might not be better.
[/QUOTE]

Because, you know, going on a date with a woman who is demonstrably into me seems smarter than pursuing one who is not so. (As long as it’s legal, of course.)

Carlyjay’s advice also seems on target. Or, as my real-life best friend would say, I need to get over myself.

[QUOTE=featherlou]

Beth might be buckets of fun, but do you really see a future with someone almost 20 years younger than you? (I’m asking seriously, not meanly.) Assuming you want a future with her, of course.
[/QUOTE]

I don’t know that I want a future with her, because, obviously, I hardly know her. Hence the dating thing.

Today, a different and almost-certainly platonic 19-year-old-girl of my acquaintace asked me if I wanted a wife, and why. My answers were “yes” and “for more reasons than I could name in the five minutes we have before we start talking about The Little Friend.” I don’t think I’d want to pursue the relationship if I had a feeling early on that it was just about fun.
Yes, this date is SO going to go well.

71

[QUOTE=Stentor 2.5]
My experience has been that younger women who date older men usually do so to prove to themselves that they’re mature. Given the forewardness with which she approached you I’d say she fits the profile. Don’t get me wrong, she finds you attractive, but I think it’s fairly certain that in two years or sooner she’ll want out.
[/QUOTE]

You know, this is the sort of thinking that most gives me pause about going out with Beth. I think I’ll bow out of the thread till manana, before I talk myself out of going ahead with it.

Ciao!

72

[QUOTE=DianaG]
I was actually just about to say that sex with a 19 year old is, in general, not as much fun as it sounds.

It all *looks * good, but … no idea what to do with it.
[/QUOTE]

… so says the sexy and self-assured 45 year old. :smiley:
( d&r )
I happen to agree, but it’s the thing that flew through my head when I read your post, and I am grinning here as I write this. I pray you are too. Me, I’m 44 and find self-assured women who are not just of-age girls to be rather…appealing.

Oh, and if I were you, I’d be asking Ellie for her numbah.

Cartooniverse

73

[QUOTE=Cartooniverse]
… so says the sexy and self-assured 45 year old.
[/QUOTE]

Wow, you people are talking about fucking already? Damn, at this rate you guys’ll be writing wedding vows before noon tomorrow!

74

[QUOTE=js_africanus]
Wow, you people are talking about fucking already? Damn, at this rate you guys’ll be writing wedding vows before noon tomorrow!
[/QUOTE]

Hey, I never mentioned fucking anyone. I don’t think.

75

[QUOTE=Skald the Rhymer]
Today, a different and almost-certainly platonic 19-year-old-girl of my acquaintace asked me if I wanted a wife, and why. My answers were “yes” and “for more reasons than I could name in the five minutes we have before we start talking about The Little Friend.” I don’t think I’d want to pursue the relationship if I had a feeling early on that it was just about fun.

Yes, this date is SO going to go well.
[/QUOTE]

It doesn’t matter if you’re dating a 19 year old or a 69 year old, going into the first date thinking “marriage”, and not “fun”, is just asking for a hilarious dating experience you’ll have not choice but to come back here and share so we can point and laugh.

76

[QUOTE=hajario]
Me too. Which of those outcomes don’t also apply to banging a 35 year old?
[/QUOTE]

Well, maybe you hook up for a couple weeks and she flips out for some stupid reason (We all know 19 is a goofy age) and involves her parents, and then you become the old pervert and your friends are like what the fuck and you got her family on your ass…

Not to shit on your stick, hell I’m older than you and would…never mind. :smiley:

That’s the difference between 35 and 19.

77

[QUOTE=js_africanus]
But suppose the arguments against Beth/Skald dating are compelling, then one must note the following:

  1. He has not asked Elly out, so no relationship to break up;
  2. Skald and Beth won’t last;
  3. Elly will see that Skald and Beth don’t last because she’s not mature;
  4. Elly is more mature, and apparently enough for Skald to be a goober around her; therefore
  5. Elly can just sit tight for a couple months for the big head to get bored with the shiny little hottie the small head got distracted by.

The arguments against Skald and Beth going out are wholly self-defeating: it’ll be a short-term fling with not depth and a quick break-up of mutual boredom. So, why should anybody let it get stuck in their craw? In a month Skald will be back after Elly, and wiser to the value of her adult charms.

[/QUOTE]

IOW, Elly should be content with sloppy seconds.

I would wager that Elly has paid enough dues. She deserves to have Skald make a play for her directly; she shouldn’t have to “sit tight” and wait for her turn. Beth is young, and she sounds like the type who talks big about being willing to accept hard knocks. Let her get started, then.

78

[QUOTE=js_africanus]
5. Elly can just sit tight for a couple months for the big head to get bored with the shiny little hottie the small head got distracted by.

[/QUOTE]

Or, more likely, Elly will be disgusted with Skald’s immaturity at panting after a girl young enough to be his daughter and will move on.

79

All you 30-ish-and-over women need to stop frowning at Skald and his normal, normal, perfectly normal desires and conduct.

You’ll give yourself wrinkles.

80

I guess what Skald hasn’t made clear is the timing of Elly’s body language. Did she look turned off before or after Beth moved in? The whole “getting into our pants” thing sounded really stupid and rude.

I agree with the others who said that if you go out with Beth, you will probably never have a chance with Elly. So you have to ask yourself if there ever was a chance with Elly in the first place. If not, then I wouldn’t worry about it from that respect.

I’m male and 34 and I wouldn’t go out with Beth because she sounds like a little girl pretending to be the mature hipster by reciting lines from books she’s read.