American Horror Story --- WTF???

I just watched the premiere of the new FX series “American Horror Story” with Dylan McDermott.

What the fuck??? I mean, seriously what the fuck was that??

I suppose the lack of any explanation is supposed to pique the audience’s curiosity and get us to keep tuning in. But…well, that might work to get people to sit through a horror movie, but I want a pilot for an ongoing series to establish it’s ground-rules. This came off as completely incoherent.

The wife just wasn’t sympathetic. Despite her husband’s betrayal, she still came off as a nasty shrew.

There were just so many oddball elements that didn’t gel together - the backstory of the parents, the daughter with her father’s psychotic teenage patient, the weird neighbors. The maid. I couldn’t tell - was this really supposed to be creepy, or was it an over-the-top parody of modern horror movies?

And already they are trotting out some of the worst cliches of gothic haunted house movies - a dog that ‘senses the presence of something in the house’, the ghosts of adolescent twins, the housekeeper (who has a “housekeeper” in 21st century America? That sounds like such a Henry James-ian term for a cleaning lady) with a glass eye, kitchen cabinets opening of their own accord, oh…and a mentally handicapped kid saying “You’re gonna die!” Ugh.

Actually the show had one intensely scary element - Jessica Lange, looking much the worse for wear and camping it up like no tomorrow. Last year, lots of folks remarked on how shocking it was to see former knockout Barbara Hershey looking like a plastic surgery freak show. Jessica makes Barbara look like dewy & fresh-faced in comparison.

Bleccch. I want that hour back.

I assume this is some kind of comedy! I see the housekeeper from The Haunting of Hill House (not the actual one, but her character) is still working. I hated the daughter and am terrified by the kid playing the psycho patient more than anything… I also assume all the pieces are going to tie in together, eventually. But dang! Ten ‘shits’, two or three ‘cocksuckers’, a few goddamns, 2 wankings, an R-rated sex scene, cuttings, beatings, violence. Is it gonna be like that every week?

I loved it! The critics that previewed it had many of the OP’s objections and I was kind of expecting it to be lame but it really sucked me in. The wife is really very unappealing to me, character wise and physically and I’ve never been a fan of Dylan McDermott, yet I was able to totally overlook that and their total lack of chemistry. There are so many reasons (again, stated in the OP) not to like it and yet I can’t wait until next week. I do have to disagree regarding Jessica Lange. True, she does look a bit worse for wear but her over the top performance was delicious. I’m a huge horror fan and I wouldn’t pay to see a movie htis cliched and derivative on the big screen but with the dearth of interesting shows on TV these days this is a real treat for me. Not perfect by any means but definitely a must see for me.

I liked it. Pretty disjointed in places, but the daughter, psycho teenage patient and Jessica Lange made up any deficits for me.

I’ll eagerly be tuning in next week. I just hope the harpydom, and Dylan’s nudity, calm down.

Crying while rubbing one out: must be Tuesday.

It was like they just piled horror movie cliches on top of themselves to see if it added up to anything.

I think it would have been better if everyone else saw an old maid and the husband saw Wilfred.

Loooved Jessica Lange, and she’s the reason I’ll tune back in next week. McDermot and Connie Britton are bland. Vera Farmiga’s little sis just doesn’t have the beautifully expressive face of her sister, but maybe she’ll grow into it. Jamie Brewer as Addy and both versions of the maid were terrific, and the uber-creepy Kurt Cobain looking kid who portrayed Tate: shudder he’s effective.

I felt like the psychological horror was filthier than necessary (Stephen King would enjoy a solid wank to it a la Gerald’s Game) but for Wednesday night tv: this was fun. I would love to turn this show into a hump-day drinking game, but damned if I could figure out when to bend an elbow. Awkward sex scenes? McDermot’s naughty indulgences? Britton’s chilly snarl? The lightning quick foreshadowing tableaux which precede nearly every scene? Ah, heck, who am I kidding? If I took a sip at awkward moments, I’d pass out long before the title page.

Wait, I’ve got it. Ima drink each time I see rusting lab tools, preserved biology specimens, or masturbating maids. Who’s with me?

When you come up with a way to stop the natural aging process, let me know.

The natural aging process??? Ain’t nothing natural about her face at all. Both actresses look like they’ve had cut-rate face-lifts many, many times. Lange in particular had the “cat eye” syndrome where she had little slits, but her cheeks sagged. Lots of stretching and pulling and tucking, but apparently not secured down very well.
In fact, sure enough - here’s a feature about her on the site awfulplasticsurgery.

I liked the first show, i just don’t see how it is sustainable though. At some point real horror has to go from just plain creepiness to people dying, if it’s just going to be week after week of horror movie cliches this will get old fast.

I just loved it! Sure, they threw all the hackneyed horror clichés at the wall, but some of 'em stuck. I bet Stephen King saw this and ate his heart out. Literally, heh heh heh.

Undoubtedly this will be a series which ends with enough dangling plot threads to crochet a large afghan, but I don’t care. It’s lurid and melodramatic and altogether ooky. A guilty pleasure, but a pleasure nonetheless.

A glimpse of man-ass? Downs Syndrome girl saying “you’re gonna die”? Mom afraid something is wrong with Tha Baby?

How does looking at a photo of someone when they are 25 side by side with a photo of them at age 60 on a hack site prove plastic surgery? Nothing “awful” about her face.

She’s 60 and she looks it, even with a bit of forehead botox.

If I never see Dylan McDermot’s ass again it will be too soon. Wouldn’t mind seeing some more skin from the maid (young version!) tho.

The teenage daughter actually seems like a teenager instead of a mid-20’ser, I liked that.

I really don’t see how this can be an ongoing series though. A movie or a miniseries, sure, but something like this it can only go so long. Which is fine if they don’t draw it out for 6 seasons and a movie, but really one season is all they should even try for.

Nothng awful about her face? Well, if you say so, you’re entitled to your opinion. Myself, her face looks as if she had this done to it.

I had to stop watching during the first part (it on the DVR) but I was annoyed.

He cheats on her. To make a ‘new start’ they move to L.A. and but a house that creeps her out? Jesus, is he asking her to stab him??

“R-rated sex scene”? How did I miss that? Is it possible it could have been cut from my broadcast? I actually thought the scene between the husband and wife was oddly short, as if it had been cut out. The only other sex scene I recall was between the wife and the “husband” in the leather get-up, but there was nothing really to see there. I’m not so convinced it was him to begin with.

Given that he really had thrown out the (I thought it was latex) suits, I’m pretty sure it wasn’t him.

The maid coming on to him was the hottest scene.

For free cable, I’m enjoying it well enough. It’s completely lurid.

It wasn’t him. He was busy playing with the stove at the time.

Did Burned Guy own the house after the twins died but before the Gay Guys?

Possible drinking games
Everytime a character makes an unbelievably stupid decision:

  1. I know, I’ll treat my patients in the house so I can spend more time at home, my only patient is a dangerous psychotic who spends each session describing his violent fantasies - take a drink.
  2. I will let said patient wander around the house and assume he will find his own way out - take a drink.
  3. I will ignore all the evidence that there is something seriously wrong with this place - take a drink.

Everytime the show rips off a classic horror movie:

  1. Rosemary’s Baby, when the wife was clearly impregnated by a demon in the gimp costume - take a drink.
  2. The shining, every other scene - take a drink.
  3. etc., etc. etc.

You’ll be drunk in the first ten minutes of the episode.