Interesting that Connie is performing in the dreaded slot-o-death. Is he wearing eyeliner?
Hmm … maybe I am not as old as I actually am, because I don’t know this song that Constantine is singing. What is going on with his crotch? Is that a zipper? Why? How am I supposed to touch it from here? And why on earth would I even want to? Anyway, I don’t know the song, but I think he did aiight. It had a good beat, and I could dance to it. I give it a 75.
Oooo … looks like Paula mixed downers with her uppers, so she’s completely incoherent, but not as spastic as usual. I think I miss the old Paula. Maybe.
Memoradum
To: FOX Executives
From: rockle
Re: Seacrest
If Seacrest calls Scott Savol “Scotty the Body” one more motherfucking time, I am going to make him drink his hair bleach. I am not kidding. Make it stop. NOW!
The zipper - or whatever - was THAT. DAMN. DISTRACTING.
Carrie is on … oh dear sweet heavens, my ears are bleeding. Make it stop. Save me, Jeebus!
OK, so I love Carrie, but the girl can’t dance.
AI needs to stop making me feel old, godsdammit! Hearing these kids talk about the 70s as if it were the Mesozoic era is making me feel like Methuselah’s granddad!
Carrie’s bombed, I think. This song sucks in the first place and she gave a really lackluster performance to boo. That blew. Randy’s high.
Heh… leave that to Paula…
Carrie was the second tonight.
Does Seacrest remind anyone else of an overgrown chimp?
Heh… Scott looking like a gansta meeting the 70s.
Meh…Clay sang this better.
Scott’s voice literally hurts my ears. Ouch. Ouch. OW!!! Somebody make him stop!
Riddle me this, Batman: Why in the name of all that is holy won’t Scott look in the mirror and realize that SHE IS NOT COMING BACK? Look at yourself – you’re a troll! I know it’s hard to find songs about wailin’ on your babymama, but I never in my entire life heard such sick, sad desperation evident in a person’s song choices, unless one wrote the songs oneself. My head hurts. And it was bad, to boot.
Scott mentions God: Chug.
And if we’re doing “70s Dance” as a theme, how about some punk? I remember pogoing to “I Wanna Be Sedated” and “God Save the Queen.” How about some music to slamdance to? The Cramps? Iggy Pop? The Buzzcocks? There was more to the 70s than disco, folks!
I’m hoping for a crotch recap at the end, i missed it. I think the eyeliner was distracting me.
Afed dancing? Scary…
Beneath it all, AFed is still a dorky high schooler.
Oh wait… he wasn’t hiding that under anything.
Someone buy Randy some Q-Tips.
And Paula a trip to rehab.
I’ll mail you a dollar if any one of these people – including Constantine and Bo – have ever heard of the Buzzcocks. They probably think of it as a kind of cheap beer, or at best “some guys who opened for Pearl Jam once.”
A-Fed, A-Fed, A-Fed … were you required to leave your taste in music behind when you left godless communist Soviet Russia? This song blows chunks. Good Lord.
Sorry, y’all, I’m really bitchy today … apparently I hate “70’s Dance Music.” Guess it doesn’t count that I dance to “Smoke On The Water,” huh?