“If you think about it long enough, it turns out that Tom Cruise is good at just about everything except acting.”
“If I had a nickel for every time I became distracted, oooooh, I want a puppy!”
“Sorry, I may have missed this but whose turn was it to bring the drugs?”
I once walked past an open door at the O.D.'s office i worked in just in time to hear a coworker on the phone saying “Well, if she doesn’t get up by Saturday you’re just going to have to get your gun and shoot her.”
I knew she was talking to her husband about a cow that had collapsed after giving birth, but I think if a patient had overheard that it would have caused some … concern.
“I’m going downstairs and count how many times I blink my eyes in one minute.”
Today at lunch: “I’m trying to figure out that Giraffe situation over there.”
I have a 34 inch long pubic hair.
“…and that’s when I tried to buy the horse a prostitute.”
“I love this guy!”
“So *that’s *where THAT was!”
“Maybe you shouldn’t have sounded so sure about it.”
“She took my dog up into the knobs!”
“Why do you keep asking me? I don’t know anything.”
The one reply to most of them: “, said the actress to the bishop.”
“It wasn’t as bad as we’d hoped.”
“I didn’t make it, I just stole it! That’s what a baby burglar says!”
“No, no, no, you don’t get it…it’s a really good joke.”
“I don’t see why we can’t do it in the back of the car like mom and dad.”
It, I believe, was about packing something for a car trip.
“Maybe you were right the first time–but good luck figuring out which time that was.”
I don’t think he wants any part of my anatomy inside any part of his.
lolz
Note quite the theme of this thread, but here’s an exercise in negatives that a co-worker overheard at a restaurant: “You can’t not say nothing to nobody!”