Inspired by this thread, where people’s dating criteria, among other things, are discussed.
What I’d like to address here is different. Have you noticed strangely recurring patterns in your love life that cannot be explained by conscious choice ? In other words, have you noticed weird, persistent occurrences over which you had no control that you’re aware of ?
As for me :
November was a crucial month in all of the 5 long-term relationships that I’ve had.
Natty : we first made love in November 1990 and we were each other’s first (we’d met in August).
Karen : we became a couple in November 1992 (we’d met the previous month).
Jenny : we met and became a couple in November 1995.
Amalia : we met in November 2001 and immediately hit it off (we became a couple in March 2002)
Gini : we met in November 2019 and immediately hit it off (we were a couple by February 2020).
Digging deeper, I realize that I met 92% of the women I ended up in some sort of relationship with (ranging from one-night stand to marriage) in the last four months of the year and thus only 8% in the first two-thirds. That’s quite an imbalance.
In the same vein, years ending in “9” have often been huge turning points in my love life.
1989 : Anna was the first girl who liked me. Calling her a girlfriend would be a stretch, but it was the first time that a girl deliberately spent all her free time with me and asked me to hold her hand.
1999 : not to put too fine a point on it, it was by far the year when I had the most new sexual partners.
2019 : I divorced my ex-wife and met Gini, with whom I ended up in a two and a half year relationship.
All in all, 3 out of the 5 in which I’ve lived so far were complete game-changers for my love life. As a matter of fact, 2009 was also one, but for completely different reasons.
I have no rational explanation for these patterns, although I don’t rule out some form of psychological bias but I really don’t see which.
I lived with a woman who then came out as lesbian.
Then I married another woman who then came out as lesbian.
I’m a straight man. And not one of those who (I hear) are very attracted to lesbians as a thing. I have lots of lesbian friends but no wish to pursue romance with any of them.
I have an ex-gf who had dated like 6 consecutive Matts, including me. Her next bf was a Matt, and she’s now married to a different Matt. We met on a dating site, and asked me to not say what my name was until we met.
I have never had a girlfriend on Valentine’s Day. The few relationships I have had did not last more than four months or so, and tended to start in the summer.
This isn’t amusing, probably not unusual, but maybe a little perplexing.
Throughout my life, the people I fell in love with were not satisfying sex partners (I know, I probably shouldn’t throw stones, but I would rate myself as average). There have been four of those (some of the “love” was infatuation but it felt serious at the time).
On the other hand, the people I had deeply satisfying sex* with were never people I wanted to spend time with otherwise (one possible exception, but conditions were impossible so I never found out).
In my current 30-year relationship, and at my age, I am much more satisfied to be in a situation with strong mutual love and minimal sex.
*There are those who would say that you can’t have deeply satisfying sex without love, and they are right if you are talking about the satisfaction lasting over time. That’s not what I’m talking about.