Women don’t like me
Women are never going to like me
I try meeting women but have come up with an equally rewarding alternative.
Instead of trying to meet women, I will use a razor blade to dig tiny little cuts into my skin all over my body.
I will then allow the cuts to get infected.
I expect over-all effect will be much the same as trying to meet women.
It’s always great to find ways to simplify one’s life. With the razor blade I can be completely self-sufficient, I don’t need to rely on anyone else. Also, it gets rid of all the uncertainty: as I hold the blade to my skin, I know exactly when it will dig into me so I can work it into my schedule when it is convenient for me.
First, BioHazard, I’m sorry to hear that your girlfriend broke up with you. Breaking up sucks. Especially, as you seem to indicate, when it came from nowhere. I’m sure it may not be too comforting to hear this from a stranger, but…hopefully, you can look back later and see that it was for the best. Until then…I wish you the best.
Now…bienville…can I ask why exactly you feel that women will never like you???
I can’t see any women being particularly reassured by the declaration of ‘only kidding’ (if this kind of dialogue is what you also do in real life). - At best it is likely to demote you from Scary Nutcase To Be Avoided At All Costs to Person Who Makes Us Feel Deeply Uncomfortable
Don’t forget to wallow around in a bathtub of saltwater to clean your wounds. That should complete the experience.
Really, this is about as close as you can come to trolling and not be called on it. Grow a scraggly beard and a bridge and maybe I’ll oblige.
But cheer up! Having love yanked away from you might feel like a barbed wire butt plug, but it sure looks and feels a lot better before and up to that point. Treasure the good memories and distance yourself from the bad.
Warning - the following is meant entirely as a joke, do not attempt even if you are a trained professional
No, no, no…you’re going about it all wrong. A razor blade and tiny little cuts aren’t what you want. See, the pain is too localized, too precise. Sure, the pain from the infection will radiate and make the overall effect a bit closer, but it still isn’t right. Here’s what you want to do…(of course, by want to I mean shouldn’t…really shouldn’t)
Get two buckets - big ones, 50 gallon industrial chemical bins would be ideal.
In the first bucket, prepare a liquid solution as cold as you possibly can. A properly made ice bath is fine, but if you can go lower, do it.
In the second bucket, create as hot a liquid solution as possible. Again, something as simple as boiling water will do, but the hotter the better.
4)Plunge one arm into each of the buckets and hold them there.
The optimal effect you are going for is gut-wrenching pain, that starts out locally and radiates throughout your entire body coupled with a profound wonderment at what, exactly, is the cause of the problem. It’s the combination of physical pain and psychological turmoil that really makes this the winning strategy. The bonus is that when your arms become too desensitized, you can always swith to dangling your legs in the buckets.