It would seem that my promise that I possess a sense of humour is not as ironclad as I thought.
But I’m still up for lunch 
This thread has destroid my image of Canadians.
There are idiot lobster sellers and cab drivers in Canada?!:eek:
destroid?
Canadian spelling.
Why? I think I’ve demonstrated Canadianism to its finest.
I’ve made it clear whom I’m not fond of and have attacked them savagely - I hope - but only after they initiated contact, and when it was clear that it was suffering scope creep I stopped.
I vented my spleen and was much the better for it. There is no need for Versailles.
Check out the contributions that Canadians made to WWI and WWII. We were certainly not the only ones. We were certainly not the only brave ones. But we certainly had our moments.
When I was in elementary school I remember a vet talking to us during the Remembrance Day assembly. He said that there was a joke, common amongst the enlisted, that went;
“What do you do when you hear of a suicide mission?”
“Thank Christ you’re not Canadian or Australian.” He was Canadian.
And obviously you have misunderestimated the depth of our dark side.
We are a wonderfully polite and gentle people as a rule. But we’re savage when angered.
We will beat your ass bloody up to the point of poor sportsmanship.
Then we stop.
And help you up.
And suggest that perhaps we ought grab a coffee at Timmies and hash it out civilly.
Or we can kick your ass again.
I know :eek: and we also have bankers and tories:eek:.
I’ve always liked you.
You kick ass! 
Emliana I’ve never noticed you before but I’ve become fond of you
Don’t get creeped out, I’m very fond of Quadgop… and he’s likely blissfully aware of my existence so you’re safe.
Although, if he wanted to do lunch…
Ummm… yeah. That was kind of my point!
Sometimes this MB is rather boring on the weekends. However, you brought it to life this weekend.
Thanks for the pit thread Zeke. It was better than cable TV.
I think I can help with this.
There’s the problem right there. When she asked if she could help you, that’s the time for a direct and clear response. In a louder voice, as an education to the children, and all around you, you say something like this: “Yes you may help me, by having the DEAD lobster attended to in your tank, the one I just pointed ut to your lovely employee here, because it’s dead, rotting even, polluting the entire tank with it’s DEAD LOBSTER body, and the other lobsters are EATING IT, so that would be a great help. Thank you.”
And then you leave. Asserting yourself like this, especially as an education to your children, will also allow the other people to realize here is a man of action and knowledge, and they should do as he says. They will also fear asking you anymore questions, and admire you for the directness of your words.
Telling somebody there is a dead body isn’t the same as directing them to take immediate action because they have a dead body in their possession. Many people are a bit slow and hesitant, and they need direction, not information.
For the love of the little dead lobster … Zeke N. Destroi, do not take the advice above from FXMastermind!
If you start letting people know that YOU know how to handle situations, they’ll look to you to tell them how to do so. ALL THE GODDAMN TIME! And that, my friend, gets really fucking tedious, really fucking quickly. Oh, sure, at first it feels great, people doing what you suggest, but then you realize that no one around you can make so much as a decision about lunch without your guidance, and you wonder yet again how people can get dressed, bathed, fed, and to work on their own without help.
It’s the same situation as before you stepped in, but really, you’ve expended less energy on the situation.
Holy shit, ain’t that the truth.
However, I still say that providing direction to these yo-yo’s is how you end up in charge of things. And that can be of mixed benefit.
That is very true, that advice was only for you after you had involved yourself in the world of careless and the stupid.
When spotting a dead lobster in a display tank, the optimal behavior would be to explain it to your kids, making sure at some point the employees could overhear you. Something like: “You see that kids? It’s a DEAD LOBSTER and the other lobsters are already eating on it. It’s also causing the entire tank to be polluted with DEAD LOBSTER BACTERIA, which is why kids, you should NEVER EVER BUY A LOBSTER FROM HERE, and you should study hard in school, so you never have to work IN A PLACE THAT DOESN’T EVEN CARE ABOUT LOBSTERS.”
This brings the dead lobster to the attention of everyone, and educates your kids. But you are not actually involved, and don’t even have to speak to anyone. If somebody still asks you “where? which one?”, you continue the lesson for your kids: “You see kids? The people that work here CAN’T EVEN TELL IT’S DEAD, which is why it’s been in there so long it’s a ROTTING CORPSE making all the other lobsters bad to eat, something the HEALTH DEPARTMENT keeps an eye on. So always remember kids, you want to study and stay in school, so instead of working where dead lobsters are rotting in a tank, you can be eating them in a nice restaurant instead.”
This not only makes the situation better, it’s a teachable moment. And can be fun if you pull it off as being a nice person.
To those of you who have not gotten a personal response I’m sorry. You are all deserving of one but I lack both the time and wit to do justice to you all. So sadly I must lump you all into one of two categories:
1)You are a shining example of what our species can be. There ought be more just like you.
2)You fucking suck and epitomize everything that is opposite to those in category 1.
I leave it to the individuals to figure out where they belong.
It shouldn’t be hard.
Unless you’re category 2.
Fx Mastermind
There was a time that I’d have unleashed holy hellfire (Yes, HOLY hellfire because God always endorses my actions) upon lobster tank people and cabbie.
Sadly I am trying not to instill such things in the kids.
Trying.
Interestingly “trying” describes the kids as well. But that’s tangential.
My temper, love of invective and willingness to engage have caused more problems than they have solved. I am attempting to not be an object lesson in stupidity.
I’m trying to be a good role model.
It’s a sort of Ringo scene.
And before any of the category 2 widget fucks point out that smoking is not being a good role model I will: agree, ask for the slack of continuous improvement rather than immediate perfection, and request that they shut the fuck up about it already.
Zeke
TLDR - People insist on being unfathomably stupid and I bitch about them. Myself included.
So people who do back to back posts suck. I’ve done a number of them in this thread. Conclusion - I suck. Repeatedly.
That being said I’ve two new additions to the list:
- While talking to gas station guy I asked him if he’d noticed a spike in stupid people the last couple of days (I’ll explain the basis for the question in tale 2). He said, “Do you know how many stupid people I see in a day?”
I replied, “Yes. I’ve been a bartender, a waiter and a shelf-monkey. I believe that the quickest route to hating the public is to deal with them regularly.”
He laughed and said, "There was this guy the other night. We had closed, lights were off and I was just doing my outside close. Some guy pulls into the lot and tries the door.
"I told him we were closed and he said
"‘Why?’
"Because it’s 10 after eleven and we closed 10 minutes ago.
"‘Why?’
"I just brought the squeegies inside and left him on the sidewalk. Don’t know if he managed to figure out ‘why’ we were closed but he finally left.
This conversation was sparked by an experience from earlier in the night that was relayed to me by Mrs. Zeke.
We went to a potluck barbecue consisting entirely of her friends.
Her friends because I don’t have many and the few I have I don’t especially like.
One of her friends is named Clara (a blatant lie; her name isn’t Clara).
Clara is hot.
Clara does not dress provocatively at all but she does wear athletic clothing. Athletic clothing tends to be somewhat form-fitting.
Clara teaches yoga, competes in a number of sports and is currently training for a marathon. Clara is also a single mom with three kids. One of her kids is distinctly special needs.
Clara does not have the time to change her clothes repeatedly throughout the day. As a result she tends to wear the same outfit for most of her daily routine. This does not mean she smells badly at all. <– antioccupatsio<–(maybe spelled it wrong, never seen the word but I heard it once)
According to Mrs. Zeke; when Clara left the house Thursday morning she found an envelope on the windshield of her truck.
Upon opening it she found a note that said, “Here’s some money, buy some decent clothes.” There were four 20’s inside.
Exactly what species of moron does that suggest?
A)Clara is hot. Therefore I assume the money and “advice” did not come from a man.
B)What Clara wears is not sluttish or skanky, but athletic and functional for her lifestyle.
C)I wish I could piss people off enough to convince them to give me money to change my ways.
What sort of person thinks that they have the right to make such a stupid fucking comment… in writing… hand delivered… and pays $80 for the privilege.
I’ve most certainly made stupid comments… in writing… but I’ve not once paid cash to do so.
I’m of the opinion Clara ought to go out and buy the most revealing, suggestive thing she can possibly find
I swear on Vonnegut’s grave that tale #2 is accurate (except that Clara’s real name is Diane) as far as Mrs. Zeke relayed it to me. 2nd hand accurate counts doesn’t it?
I fully grant that this is somewhat less destroiish (I love making up words - especially when someone else made up the base and I get to steal it) than other of my posts in this thread but there are things that militate against my usual witticisms.
Zeke
[Moderating]
Point 2 was a joke. There’s not an actual board rule about being a “good” (by whatever arbitrary standard you want to pick) parent. I can appreciate that, by framing it as an actual mod instruction, I created some ambiguity about how you were allowed to respond. It’s a fair concern, and here’s a fair answer: since it’s not an actual moderating decision (not being about something that’s contained anywhere in the rules) feel free to respond to that part of the post however you feel most appropriate.
[/Moderating]
That being said, it’s also a bad idea to be a humorless choad around your kids. You should knock that shit off, too, Smokey.
Then we’re agreed!
“There’ll be trouble!”
If someone would please find the Simpsons clip where Homer and Bush senior discuss whether or not there’ll be trouble I’d appreciate it.
And if, having found it, you would refer back to the quote in this post that would be super awesome with internet sauce.
It turns out that by virtue of being Canadian I am prohibited from watching/finding/annoying people with some stuff.
Still… free health-care.
I guess it’s a wash.
Zeke
But, I do think you were a little harsh on the Mace kid.
TLDR - Fuck it; you know the drill.
I like you. I’ve always liked you. I’ve long thought that your moderating has been overwhelmingly fair and even-handed. I 100% agree I broke the rules and I think it speaks to your character that you told me to knock that shit off rather than whack me with a warning.
That being said…
Sorry, I had to look up choad
Well, neither I nor my unit - yes that’s what I call it now - are short and thick. We are both long and thin(nish)
Imagine being fucked enthusiastically with a piece of broken spaghetti (al dente) and that is a close approximation.
Please do imagine it. Feeel it. Live it!
I mean Mrs. Zeke has to so why the fuck shouldn’t you?
As far a lacking a sense of humour… fuck me Bud! I’ve conceded that I sometimes miss shit. It happens. Whoosh etc.
And some people have laughed:o
Truly though man, I think it has been fairly clear throughout that my tongue has been planted firmly in my cheek. <— I actually do dislike John Mace though.
You seem to have taken the thing about “under the aegis of your mod status” - or whatever exactly I said - seriously. In retrospect I get where you would really have to.
Fair enough. For the sake of everyone in the room,
I knew it was a coding mistake and I made a joke that accidently resulted in my backing him into a corner.
Sorry for that Miller.
We now return to the 'Pit
Dear Miller - I got’s a bone to pick with you. A bone about as long as a piece of broken spaghetti. Yeah, you heard me.
Firstly… well I checked and you skate on the whole choad thing. It’s within the rules so long as you aren’t too vulgar and its use isn’t gratuitous. But I’m watching you (please imagine me pointing two fingers at my eyes and then at yours. A few times. Ominously. Thanks :D)
But don’t play fucking games.
Secondly Well, I’ve gotta say, I’ve never been called a choad before. I’ve been called a bunch of stuff - actually a goodly buffet of epithets if truth be told - but never choad.
So good on you ya fucking chud <–See what I did? Choad / chud see? Spellcheck catches it - both words are wrong - google be damned I suppose. Google’s wrong too it seems. So I hope you got it because spell check did and spellcheck is stupid.
Still with me? If you (collectively) are then perhaps you should investigate your masochist tendencies.
But I continue - brevity being that thing that gives a smart quip or clever play on words… never mind - I believe you to be a twit.
So there.
Zeke
And sometimes Ward was a bit hard on the Beaver 
To be fair to me - who else would I be fair to - I did see that it was going into quarry territory and so I stopped (mostly) and asked for others to do the same.
By that I mean - I’d rather he not be picked on further than I already have because I’ve said my piece and to do anything more would be a pile-on.
Piling on is bullying.
Bullying sucks.
Just ask the internet.
It certainly had nothing to do with my fear that “Free John Mace” should end up in the same group of Straight Dope excrement as the execratable “throw it in the quarry.”
Did I at least make you laugh:D
Zeke
I changed my mind. You’re boring and your OP sucks. Thanks for clearing that up.
Sorry Vinyl.
I can see why you might feel that way.
Fact is that this started as a venting, became the smoking/John Mace thing and morphed into a sort of creative writing exercise.
This is not to say that I have been the least bit dishonest nor have I been trolling.
I’ve been having fun. Some others seem to have had some too.
I’m sorry that I’ve not run into a shitload more slobber-monkeys of late, and thus I cannot amuse you with their exploits.
Though I think the tale of Clara was noteworthy.
The rest has been good-natured banter with an eye toward mutual amusement <– albeit dwindling it would seem.
To recap:
I’m sorry for irritating you
I hope I haven’t fucked up your day.
Zeke