Several nights ago I was in chat with Anthracite and a few other Dopers. We began to discuss an issue. Anth was on one side, I was on the other (although not as diametrically opposed to her position as it may have seemed–it’s hard to talk meaningfully in one-line bursts). Some of the participants got a little heated up about their points. Anth has a particular reason to feel passionate about her side, because she survived a personal tragedy that involves this issue.
It is believed that I told Anth to “stop whining and being a victim.” I don’t have the chat text, and for the record, I don’t recall saying it. But that’s less important than the fact that it’s a damned crappy thing to say to anyone who is arguing an issue close to their heart. If I said it, it was beneath me to be so petty. I owe her an apology. I am sorry that this was said. I am doubly sorry (not to mention ashamed) if it came out of my mouth (or would that be off my fingertips?).
Anthracite, I am sorry. I believe you have a right to your opinion, and I respect that opinion. It is not right for me to say something that belittles you when I disagree with your position.
I try not to be a small-minded person, and it appears that I failed. I am truly sorry.
Dear Cranky,
Thank you very much for posting how you really feel. I am sorry I went after you the other day in the unrelated thread. You may also have noticed I picked out three people in Whammo’s thread to flame right before then, so you can see that I was already upset about something completely unrelated. I intended to reply to your nice e-mail earlier today, but work kept me from having time to write you back.
I really shouldn’t get involved in chats like the one the other night until I can look at it more from an un-emotional standpoint. It just hit too close to home, and some people in chat had attitudes that I thought were insulting and demeaning to me and women in general.
What was said was not so bad when taken in context - the debate was very heated on both sides, and I was whining a bit and very angry. I believe that I am at fault for connecting all of the unpleasant feelings of that night with one person - yourself - who certainly did not deserve it.
And I agree with you entirely - chat is not a good place to talk about these things, as the pace is too fast and often no one knows who is saying something to who. I am deeply ashamed to find that upon reviewing what I copied and pasted, it seems clear that I may not have even been the person being talked to, as there were two other closely related conversations for which the context fit as well. For all I know you were joking with GaWd at that point. Thus, I have most likely falsely accused you. You cannot imagine how badly that makes me feel - like I want to die of shame.
What happened to me was bad, and it destroyed my entire life to that point, my faith, and my soul even. What I went through was related to the topic, but actually much worse than the topic. As a result, I cannot talk about some issues rationally, and should therefore stay out of them until I can. I didn’t intend to even get into the debate the other night, but as I saw things that were offensive to me scrolling past in chat (not from you) I couldn’t help but jump in.
To summarize, I really appreciate and am grateful for the letter you sent, and this post. I sincerely hope that in the future we will be friends - good friends even, and forget all about this unpleasantness.
Sincerely,
Una
Having been in your shoes, Una, I know that it doesn’t matter (on one level) if I said it to you or not, because if you THOUGHT I did, then that makes you feel pretty crappy for as long as you believe it. Intense feelings like that (resenting the hell out of me for being the sh*theel you thought I was) can’t go away with a snap of the fingers, even if it turns out the event was a misconception.
Which makes your apology even more gracious. Thank you for that. Friends? Friends. pulls out her wad of bubble gum, yanks it in half, and offers Anthracite the bigger half
No one else knows what in the Sam Hill we’re talking about, do they? For the record, I’d like to tell everyone that we were NOT debating whether NSync or the Backstreet Boys had cuter haircuts. Though I’d like Anthracite to know I WILL TAKE HER TO THE MAT on this one if she’s got the balls to even try to debate this with me. Which I seriously doubt. She doesn’t stand a chance. That hot Caligula look Brian Litrell had going last year? 'Nuff said
But we’d better have our group hug first. 