I have been avoiding this wonderful place and all of its wonderful folks that hangout around here due to a most embarrassing case of confusion and stupidity on my part.
That day, 3/11/'15, I was extremely tired from lack of sleep but thought I’d drop into this section of the site to see what was going on. Well, I saw something pertaining to the question of whether or not God existed. (I “think” that was what the subject was about but I’m not 100% sure, because at the moment I’m as sleep-starved now as I was then and, too, I haven’t gone back to reread any of those comments as THAT would be too painful.)
So I decided to join the conversation … and before I knew it, things began to get a little out of hand. I somehow became locked into some type of a strange trance that had me in a frame of mind that’s hard to explain, and while folks were taking me to task on some of my statements … and so I guess I sorta took issue about being challenged on the validity of my comments relating to some of the mystical experiences I’ve had during my life. And where it really got crazy was when they kept (nicely) informing me that this was a Debate Thread and that my insistence of basically saying “I’m just giving my account of things and not trying to make anyone believe me” wasn’t acceptable, that I wasn’t getting a pass to duck their questions.
Anyway, we went back and forth for a fair amount of time before the Mod stepped in and jarred me out of the twilight zone that had engulfed me by proceeding to let me know in no uncertain terms that my “challengers” were absolutely in the right and that I wasn’t and that I had better knock it off!
Also, I recall that one of the things I’d done that had really ticked off the Mod was that I was kinda talking down to some of the folks by saying something like, “your tone is insincere and you must set your ego to the side blah blah” and so I would simply like to offer that while I certainly feel like a douche for having done that, I do have a slight excuse.
My excuse is this: I listen to a fair amount of political/social radio and it so happened one day that a light bulb went off in my head while listening to some folks go back and forth with each other over some subject that I don’t recall. They were being sarcastic with each other and indulging in what I took to be a battle of wits, rather than sincerely seeking some common ground and being more like people of good will.
After that I zeroed in on other talk shows and noticed the same thing … and figured that one day I shall attempt to do some reasoning with someone in which I’ll insist that a sincere tone be kept in whatever discourse might be going on. And needless to say, when I gave it my best shot (in here) it went over like a wet fart. There was no way to achieve what I was hoping for in that regard without coming off as extremely arrogant. So sorry about that, my intentions were good.
After the spanking from the Mod, I quickly got out of the apartment and took a walk (as sleep wouldn’t have been possible) and thought long and hard about what I’d done.
Embarrassment is too weak of a word.
Since then, my tattered ego has been healing and things are slowly starting to get a little better; and hopefully, with this apology, the nagging feeling of something rotten(er) coming down the pike to pay me a karmic visit will evaporate and be gone.
I am grateful that the Mod was restrained and didn’t beat the ever-loving daylights out of me more than s/he did, as I certainly had it coming! And as far as those wonderful debaters that were participating with me on that most awful day goes, as I was in the clutches of that terrible thing that had hijacked my mind for those 30-minutes, all I can say is that I’m sorry for subjecting you to such unpleasant lunacy and that I’m thankful that you were merciful towards me to the degree that you were.
I would like to write the whole nightmarish thing off to a “senior moment” but to try and do that would be tantamount to offering a watered down apology and pretending that it’s kosher, so I won’t. All of you were in the right and I was way in the wrong.
I’ll do my level best to see that it doesn’t happen again. Thanks Much for your time and understanding, and keep plugging along!
P.S. I hope it’s okay that I post this here, at the scene of the crime, as I’ve also had problems in trying to figure out exactly where I’m supposed to post my comments.