Back in May, I wrote a post concerning my mom’s initial diagnosis with a small amount of breast cancer, which resulted in the discovery of stage four lung cancer. This was the beginning of a long journey for me, and continued with another threada few months back about the fact that my mother was not long for this world. Finally, at the end of September, she passed away and was no longer suffering from the pain of cancer ravaging her body. I spent just about all of October moping and crying at inappropriate moments, and I didn’t have much in the way of closure until recently when I went with my brothers down to her house and packed everything up, then had a “memorial service” party at the end of it all. It was a long week where I was able to reminisce, cry, and talk with my brothers about all that we’d gone through and the hopes we had for the near future; it really brought us together in a way that I hadn’t had before all of this happened.
Tuesday night of last week, I drove down with Acid Lamp to start sorting through and packing my mother’s possessions; it was something I had been dreading for the entire past month as an insurmountable task filled with memories and feelings I had no desire to experience again. We got there, had some time to relax that night with my brother and SIL while talking about the election results, and got to work on the house the next morning. Wednesday saw a lot of progress, and we made more of it on Thursday, with the evening activities revolving around ordering a pizza and having drinks together. On Friday, I made several trips to the airport, dropping off Acid Lamp* and picking up my other brother and his friend, who came in late because of work circumstances. The drinking went up a few notches, and we managed to get the house cleared out and the truck packed on Saturday, despite a few of the members being hungover.
With the house being empty and no place to sleep, we ended up staying in a hotel for the next two nights, which was a relief, as we were closer to the friend’s house that hosted the memorial service. Sunday came, Acid Lamp flew back in, and I was surprised at who came to the memorial service and who sent their condolences in their absence. I saw family friends whom I hadn’t seen in over a decade, and everyone there was familiar with me, having seen me grow up. A few wonderful speeches were made, and memories of my mother were shared over plates of food typical to parties at this house; we all missed my mother, and we all had fond memories of her exceeding expectations and contributing where she could over the years. It made me realize how important she was in everyone’s life that could make it, and how dearly she’d be missed, even by those who’d not known her long. I’m glad I could have those memories and those friends to be there for me in what feels like my saddest time yet.
On Monday, we drove back to our house, and unloaded our section of the truck. I managed to whack myself rather comically in the head with the hand truck, and our house turned into a clusterfuck of boxes and furniture, which we are still unpacking and reassembling today. I feel a lot better about the world and myself and my mother’s place in the hearts of those who came, and the reassurance that my support system is much wider than it initially seemed has been a great comfort to me in these past few days. I’m ready to be back to work and school and getting on with the things I’d put aside, and am glad to feel like the weight I carry is not so heavy with grief as it was a week ago. I just hope I can manage to make the memory of my mother’s accomplishments a base for my own success in life.
Sometime this summer, we’ll be headed to Iceland to bury her ashes and to visit with family and friends for a week. It’ll be Acid Lamp’s first trip to Iceland, so I’m looking forward to showing a bit of the country I grew to love over the course of a few childhood summers.
[sub]*His grandfather passed nearly two weeks ago, and he had to fly out to attend that funeral in the same weekend.[/sub]