"...and I like to write stories about Roy Orbison being wrapped in cling-film."

[Greywolf73]

‘We are both wrapped in clingfilm,’ I tell the robbers. ‘I am not completely wrapped, however, but is there more clingfilm in my briefcase if you would care to finish the job.’

‘No, that will do.’

It certainly will!

Bahahahahahaha!! I think I have seriously injured myself laughing at this. Who knew that Roy Orbison wrapped in clingfilm was pure comedy gold?

[Lucki_Chaarms]

Why is this thread not on fire? I just keep checking back expecting dopers to be pouncing all over this, and I’m so disappointed.

Go, dopers! It’s the funniest thing I’ve seen since “The Tyranny of Blimps” or whatever that hamster-taxing post Scylla made was called.

LC

[TeaElle]

I’m laughing so desperately from just reading this thread that I don’t dare read the actual story! The concept of Roy Orbison wrapped in cling film is going to be burned into my cerebral cortex for the rest of my life. I will not be able to sing “I Drove All Night” or “You Got It” without imagining his shiny black hair and big sunglasses above a slightly pudgy body wrapped up in Saran like Kathy Bates in Fried Green Tomatoes.

Oh my. Oh my.

You look lovely as can be… are you lonely just like me?

[London_Calling]

I think it’s a nice idea. Just don’t understand how he’s going to get Roy in the fridge.

[London_Calling]

I also wanted to say that this guy really has to be British and probably English – if you take a look at his choices and sensibilities on the ‘Links of Interest’ page, I really can’t see him being anything else.

The Dusseldorf / Ulrich Haarbürste is a pretty nice idea carried off with considerable class, IMHO.

This guy works on several levels.

[Kal]

Ah, Michael Kelly’s Page of Misery!

I’ve been to that fella’s site before. I was Googling for information about Romani asylum seekers in the UK and found this page.

My favourite part is:

Failing that, an independent Gypsy homeland must be established. It will have to be a mobile homeland, of course: a caravan the size of Luxemburg which will roam around Europe pulled by two immense horses.

[matt_mcl]

‘Cheers Gor,’ said Tony with that elfin grin that never failed to make Gordon’s stomach flip over. ‘Now let’s go home and fuck.’

All the way back down to Downing Street Gordon felt the urgent tautness in his trousers.

[Little_Nemo]

On a more traditional level of strangeness, how about the Bush/Chirac slash by the same author?

Jacques raised an eyebrow and studied his nails. ‘Oh-ho! So you want my support, do you?’

‘Well, sure.’

‘Paf! I do not think you do.’ Jacques pouted. ‘I think you do not care. I think you only care about the friendship of your chum To-neee.’

‘Now, that’s not so. We would dearly like France to…’

‘Foo! You do not care, you. You do not want me. No, no. Go and play with your little Tonee.’

‘I assure you, sir, that I have the greatest of…’

‘Zoop! You toy with me! All the time, all the time you are with your good friend To-nee. He comes when you bid him, that one. I could give you so much more than any naive Englishman. But me, I am not easy. I must be wooed, seduced, tickled.’

He flounced over to the mirror. He regarded his face complacently. Yes, he still had it. He saw with satisfaction the Texan rise and follow him. Such a cowboy. He had always had a soft spot for them. Like a young John Wayne.

[panamajack]

If anyone’s seriously still wondering whether this is someone’s actual obsession, consider that “Haarbrueste” is German for ‘hairbrush’ and “cling.net” is a currently unused domain name (owned by a web design company in Florida).

And slortar, if you qualify, you may already be a winner …