And you were going to tell me you were getting married...when?

So, last week me, my dad, my brother (not this one, the other one) and two of his friends are at Outback celebrating my brother’s 21st birthday. We’re having a good time. I’m filling my belly with beer and cow whilst enjoying some good company.

My dad starts talking about this woman he’s dating (for the record, I will not refer to her as his girlfriend, as they are both in their 50’s and that is just gross). I’ve grown used to this over the last four months. He had just started dating for the first time since his second divorce and really seems to like this woman. Anyway, he mentions that she had said she was going to take one of the rooms in her basement and turn it into a TV room for him, complete with HDTV, leather recliners, the works.

This intrigues me, so I ask, “So, she’s giving you a room in her house now?”

“Yeah, we’re getting married.”

WHAT? Okay, I know you’re an adult and can do whatever you want, but when were you planning on telling me you had already picked out wife #3? I mean, Christ! You’ve only been dating her since November. Four months? If I wanted to marry a girl after 4 months, you’d kick my ass.

Besides, when were you planning on telling me? I find it funny that it just slipped out like that. Makes me wonder if you were just going to fly off to Vegas and come back and announce that I had a new stepmom.

Yeah, yeah. I’m 24. It shouldn’t effect me this much. It’s not like I’m going to have to pretend to do what she tells me like I did for #2.

Whatever. I’m pissed.


I didn’t know until after the fact with my Dad’s third marriage. He rang me up: “Hi darling! Livia and I got married!”

He didn’t invite me to his second wedding either.

It’s like marriage isn’t that big a deal or celebration for him. I wasn’t really surprised when he told me. (I think I had met his wife maybe twice.)

On the other hand, if my mum didn’t tell me she was getting married, I would be very upset.


Well, this might be too obvious, but the answer to your oft-repeated question seems to be self-evident from the rest of your OP.

To wit, he was planning on telling you last week, when you were at Outback celebrating your brother’s 21st birthday.

Which is exactly what he did.

If he’s 50, he may not have time to spend getting to know the other person.

At 20 you can spend a year or two and know you have many, mnay years together.

At 50, you shorten everything and just get it moving.

Of course, this may also add to why this is the 3rd wife. Not enough time getting to know them.

Mind you, when your dad gets to 70, he might just take someone away for the weekend and come back married.

Blue Curls, this exact same thing happened to me. Except he didn’t tell me about the second marriage, either. I found out through an aunt. When I called him on it he said, “oh, really? I thought I told you.”

One day when I was twelve, my dad comes to visit. He sits me and my two sisters down on the couch, and proceeds to tell us he has been married for six months and we have a three week old little brother. His reason for not informing us? Apparently, he “didn’t want to tell us over the phone.” We didn’t even know he was seeing anyone.

I don’t blame you for being pissed, Lord Ashtar. Common courtesy would require your dad to tell his children that he is getting married again. And sooner rather than later, too. Parents. I tell ya, if they weren’t so darned cute…

What is your problem with referring to his girlfriend (well, fiancee now) as a girlfriend? I’d say it’s rather age-ist and condescending to be adamant that a 50 year old can’t have a boyfriend/girlfriend.

My husband’s father mentioned his marriage after the fact, but it was because he felt that at his age (50) and it being a second marriage, it wasn’t that big a deal. My step-MIL is maybe eight years older than my husband and is a real sweetie.

I’m 52 so this one sentence took me almost 30 minutes to type out. I realize that I can drop any second so I hope I can get this out in time.

It sounds like he is a bit embarrassed about getting hitched again (he should be). He is probably being pressured but figures what the hell.

Actually, if he is in his 50’s what is he doing with a woman that age anyway? He should be after 20 and 30 year olds. I find that they love us geezers for some reason.

I hope that doesn’t GROSS you out too bad. I always hear how “lame” guys in their 20’s are.

Gotta go, I think I’m having a stroke or something…

I got you all beat. When I was a kid, my dad was dating this woman who had a daughter about my age. One time I was playing some board game with the girl, and she said out of the blue, “My mom and your dad got married, then divorced, then married, then divorced again.” I called her a liar, but my dad said, “No, sturm, it’s true.” I think I’m still stunned speechless.

I guess I wanted him to tell me instead of letting it slip out in casual conversation.

Generally, referring to someone as a girlfriend is saying, “She and I are boinking.” I do not want to think of my 56 year old father doing a 50-something woman.


I feel a sudden urge to go take a shower…

For me, it’s just that the word “dating” sounds terribly youthful and kind of immature.

I always hated telling people about “my girlfriend” while in and well after High School because it just felt like everyone within earshot was going to go “OOOOOoooooooo,” and start singing the K-I-S-S-I-N-G thing.

I have a hard time taking it serisouly. Probably just me.

My point is, I’m not “grossed-out” by the idea of folks in their 50s having sex, I just think saying they are dating sounds juvenile.

I married my husband without telling my son. They weren’t getting along, and the marriage wasn’t a big planned thing. VERY spur-of-the-moment. I told him when we got back from Vegas. They get along well now and everything’s cool.

Hey, I can top all of you: last fall my brother, who lives far, far away from us (thankfully – he’s the black sheep of the family) casually let drop that he had gotten married again.
Mind you, we only see him a few times a year, when his travels bring him by (he’s a long haul trucker) but still – that means he’s seen us, had dinner & spent the night (usually) at least ten times since he got married.


My sister got married, and then called Mom and I to let us know. She’s miserable, and we knew she would be, so that’s why she didn’t tell us before hand. I just don’t understand people.

MY husband and I didn’t tell anyone we were getting married until after the fact, and some poeple didn’t find out for some month-not because we were keeping it a secret, but just because it wasn’t that big of a deal to us (we were already living together.) What it came down to was that we did not want a lot of attention paid to us over a matter that we, ourselves, were not particularly emotionally invested in (we are inversted in the relationship, not the formalizatoin of it).

What it came dowm to for me is that I am not a particularly social person–I don’t like “events”-- and I didn’t want to have to spend a lot of time explaining and justifying the fact that no, I really DON’T wanta fuss made, NO, I don’t want gifts, no I am NOT just saying that, NO REALLY why won’t you fucking believe me?

Announcing it after the fact in a very low key way seemed, by far, the simplest.

djf750, I think I love you.

You got me cryin’ with laughter in my cube. Bwhahahahaha!

Well, I’m 43 and enjoy “boinking” my 42 year old wife. Though I suppose our 16 would go eww…

Though I will say my wife has a sense of homor. When she turned forty she asked me if I was going to trade her in for a couple os twenties…