I’ve had it up to here with your drama queen bullshit. Just because you have a fight with Alice doesn’t mean you’re entitled to sob “Oh, everything’s RUINED” about 5 times per episode. And what’s up with you hogging all the lead roles? You think you’re better than everyone else? You aren’t. Why don’t you drop the princess act, and pick ONE role per show. If you’re going to direct, you can’t star, and vice versa. Oh, and why don’t you try listening to some suggestions from others now and then, instead of shouting them down? I swear, what kind of lessons are you teaching my three year old daughter?
Um, what?
Oh I know.
And Zoe Monster - what a bitch! First she takes all of Elmo’s drawings, then she sings “If You’re Happy and You Know it” when Baby Bear is clearly trying to tell his story.
Plus did you ever notice in Elmopalooza, David Allen Grier asks if he can dress up, is told he can, says “Cool!” and disappears – then reappears in exactly the same clothes!
Isn’t there a poster named Angelina Ballerina?
Pictures of the perpetrators here:
http://nickjr.co.uk/shows/angelina/index.aspx
Having a little niece can get you to know really trivial stuff like this.
If I may add a similar thought:
Oobi’s Crimes Against Humanity:
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Having a grandfather who’s name is Grandpoo. No, I’m not kidding, his grandfather is named after an 18 inch, unbroken piece of shit. The kind that the creepy guy down the hall announced and wanted everyone to see.
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Steadfast refusal to use compound verbs or complete sentences. Oobi talk. Oobi annoy. Oobi stupid. Oobi speak. Like This. Oobi go fuck self.
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Oobi is a hand with googly eyes attached. That’s it. Fucking lazy bastards.
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Talking down to any child not in a coma. I would like my girls to learn when we watch television together, not be pandered to by mentally deficient hands.
May you be forced to partake a game of mumbleypeg with a razor sharp knife and a blind, drunken sadist with an motor control problem.
And what about that whiny fucktard, Caillou? That bald-headed little bastard has a meltdown every. single. episode. I swear, that’s where my daughter learned how to bitch.
You know who pisses me off? Patrick Star. He’s lazy, he’s stupid and he’s violent. I was especially pissed off when he and Spongebob were trying to raise the baby scallop and Patrick, that lazy, lying fuck, he pretended he was going off to work every day but all he had in his briefcase was donuts and all he was doind was going to his rock to smoke pot and watch TV while Spongebob did all the work. Then when Patrick would come home, he would pretend he was too tired to help with the baby. Miserable bastard. Spongebob should have divorced him. :mad:
Don’t even get me started on the fucking Fat Controller.
Bing and Bong are clearly major-league stoners. As if the names weren’t a dead giveaway, they travel the universe to weird planets populated by odd boggle-eyed aliens while all the time sitting on their couch. My sofa is my spaceship: now, what kind of message is that to send to kids?
I’d like to make Ort-punting an Olympic event. And I’d be all for human trafficking if the cargo was Dora.
Oobi freaks me the fuck out. Can’t watch that show.
I’m surprised nobody has complained about the kids on Barney yet. I mean, BJ, Baby Bop, and the big purple guy are annoying, but holy shit those kids – it is not necessary to sway all the goddamn time! Stay the hell still for a second! Real people don’t move like that!
My daughter has 5 episodes of Barney DVR’ed right now. We can’t get new ones cause she asks for specific ones by name (Horn one! Shape one!) There’s one where Baby Bop and BJ sing a robot song with some robots and do a robot dance. That has about as much coolness potential as anything on Barney except
- they don’t do any dance remotely resembling the robot
- the two big robots are dancing like James Brown
- the lyrics of the song says something about “We are the Robots/We like to sing and dance and play all day.” I’ve never seen a robot sing or dance or play. I want my daughter learning right about robots, about how they move like the guy in the Dave Chapelle skits, how they seem benign but are really plotting one day to move in and take over the world in a bloody orgy of 120 volt destruction. That’s why we need Robot Insurance. I don’t need my daughter growing up to be trusting of these lurking machines.
What I want to know is why half the characters on Sesame Street seem to have speech impediments or oddities. Elmo refuses to use personal pronouns, Cookie Monster can’t use them correctly, that annoying bear thing has just about every speech impediment under the sun… I kept waiting for my son to say something like “Me no go to Zachawy’s woom!”
Which is why I want to stab Elmo to death with a coathanger, and herd the Wiggles into a toolshed and set it on fire.
Captain Feathersword? What the hell is that? I want my niece to know that pirates are nasty, evil, unredeemable savages who should be exterminated, not twee little dinks waving useless plumage around.
While this is a mild rant, I think it’d fit better in CS.
I tihnk that’s a side effect of the medication…
Caillou himself doesn’t bother me nearly as much as his Caillou-whipped pansy-ass parents, who apparently think that speaking sternly to a child might damage his pwecious self-esteem or something. After all, any four-year-old would act like a whiny fucktard if such behavior were catered to by the grown-ups.
Calliou is a little pussy, no question about it.
Can’t stand Calliou.
Can’t stand Baby Bear.
.
Can’t stand Oobi.
Do you see where this is going? What about those Dragontales characters?
I like to change the word of the song to “Dragon poop, dragon poop, I almost stepped in dragon poop.” My 3-year-old is unamused by that, although I’m sure her brother will come to appreciate it soon enough.
I do like** Kipper**, though. I even like the theme song, which is great, considering the songs are all permanently stuck in my head. “They call him Kipper…Kipper the dog…”
Exactly. I remember one episode where he was having one of his tantrums, and his parents tried to appease him by putting a nice bubble bath in his bath water. I told my kid that if he acted like that, he’d lose his bubble bath – in other words, he’d get negative consequences for bad behaviour, not positive ones.
My kid and I are as one in hating the Berenstain Bears, although he grudgingly allows that it’s OK that the sanctimonious creeps (who he insists "aren’t bears) stay on the air, since his friend Jenny likes them.
Dammit, I almost threw in something about Caillou’s obviously stoned parents, but I wanted to keep it brief. Yes, they are the ones to blames for their potato-headed kid’s fucktardation.