I have a new weapon to add to the festivities - Musical Condoms a la this thread.
Any objections, other additions?
I’ve always been fond of Blue-footed Boobies myself.
Oh wait, you mean those boobies…
Only if the condoms play the Rebel Doper Alliance theme song. 
::sticks index fingers in both blaster muzzles cjhoworth is pointing at me::
Look cj, I was just trying to cover a bare spot on her chesticles. No harm done. You want a rogue pilot? There’s several standing over there waiting to be picked by the legion of chocolate boobies. Try to keep your blasting to a minimum. I can’t use a pilot if he’s missing his head.
Meanwhile, there’s no sign of Fenris. I wonder if he burned up on a Doper funeral pyre instead of disappearing into the chocolate ether like he should have. 
We have a theme song :eek:
What is it?
Why, You Sexy Thing by Hot Chocolate, what else?
So you don’t know the theme song, eh? You sure you’re on the right team? Okay, show me the secret handshake.
: Puts away blasters and starts sizing up pilots :
uhoh the secret handshake, is that the one where you put your left foot in, take your left foot out and shake it all about?
while CJ is dealing with the pilots, Ade sneaks off…
10 minutes later…
rides in on an elephant Lookee what I found! Her name is Jezebel, and she followed me here! Hey, do elephants have boobies? Hand me that chocolate hose, please.
everyone stares
::wrests chocolate hose away from those planning to use it on the elephant::
No No No, what we want here is a giant cherry ripe chocolate milk shake Mmmmmmm, don’t waste precious chocolate on the elephant.
Yeah okay. That’s it. ::motions to security guards:: Let her go boys, she’s good. Sorry about that Miss leechbabe but we’ve got all kinds of crazies trying to make it onto the set.
Speaking of crazies…
::Looks at script, looks at agentfroot, back to script::
::Taps script vigorously::
There are NO elephants in this production! Take Horton back to the Indiana Jones and the Comfortable Chair thread now please. And just look at your boobies. ::stares:: Go see Stiletto pronto, your chocolate’s nearly gone.
Hmmm, have we got all our pilots selected? ::uses toe to prod writhing mass of The Legion of Chocolate Boobies and the Galactic Rogue Pilots Association:: Looks like it’s a work in progress.
Everybody take 5! ::looks at writhing mass again:: Better make that 20!
20 Pilots? Great!!!
Quality Control Memo
Re: Pilots
Could all casting staff please note that pilots must reach the following minimum standards to be eligible for a role in the RDA.
[ul]
- Buff
- Built
- Bodacious
[/ul]
Actual pilot skills not required as the boobie gals are more than happy to assist pilots with their training 
Mmmmm fresh pilot…
But cj, what are you gonna do with 20 pilots?!?
[sub]Never mind…I probably don’t wanna know…[/sub]
agentfroot, the bottle of dark dutch chocolate body frosting should be at a nice warm teperature right now…and the case of honey dust just came in, if you feel like having anything else…er…highlighted
[sub]mutter Now where did I put those silk-bristle brushes…I mean, they can’t expect you to crank out this level of artistic quality with substandard equipment…[/sub]
Hey, leechbabe, your chocolate could using some touching up, too. 
[sub]I swear…this is worse than shopping when you’re hungry…every time I make a mistake, I have to carefully lick it off, and start over. But if it isn’t just absolutely perfect…sigh I guess as long as they don’t get upset about the $12,000 worth of chocolate body frosting, we’re okay. [/sub]
Alright you rogues, you heard the lady. Single line formation in front of leechbabe. Miss leech will personally clean the chocolate off of you and determine if you’re up to spec. I’ll tell you now, if you don’t have the 3 B’s (Threebies?), you’re out.
Stiletto! :: pointing at the LoCB:: Chocolate. Boobies. Now! No need to finesse, just slather it on. The sun’s going down in an hour and we need this shot today!
::LurkMeister, who had been hoping to join the RDA, looks down at his definitely un-Threebie form and slinks off, trying to be inconspicuous.
So you mean us girls with boobies (make that chocolate covered boobies) get 20 pilots each to :ahem: train?
Fantastic! I am so pleased I signed up now.
Best-day-ever. Men and chocolate. Buff men & chocolate. Buff men covered in chcolate. Oh I feel faint
:thud:
::Glares at Horseflesh ::
You just don’t understand art, do you? This is a labor of love…[sub] well, okay, maybe just a labor of lust…[/sub]
But it still takes time, dammit. If nothing else, think how these ladies will feel if I have to end up hurrying, and use cold chocolate body frosting. Once I tell them it’s your fault, you are not gonna be a happy camper, I can pretty much guarantee. [sub] Unless, of course, the temperature on the set gets up above 100 degrees again. Then I have to switch over to Magic Shell tm and ice-cubes.[/sub]
Alright, here’s what you do. Get 5 Slip 'N Slides. Get 25 heat lamps. Set up five heat lamps along the length of each slide. Dump chocolate liberally on the slides. Turn heat lamps on for an hour. Line up the Boobie Warriors and have them take a running slide down one of them.
You’ll need five volunteers to catch the ladies at the end of the slide and inspect them. Uh, first five people to reach Stiletto will be the inspectors.
::Gets the hell out of the way::
Damn these worldwide conspiracy organizations!!!
You find a job you love, and then they reorganize, and want to completely change how you do things.
Sorry, Horseflesh…I say we let the ladies vote. Personal attention with silk-tipped brushes, fingertips, and, er, other things, using high-quality double dutch chocolate body frosting…OR
500 gallons of chocolate and a slip and slide.
I’m not stupid. I’ll leave it entirely up to them.