Yeah, at least P.J. was funny, and could take a ab at conservatives too (i say “was”, because i think he lost his funny some time ago).
I like another one of his definitions:
liberal: someone who’s happy to kill an unborn child but not a convicted murderer.
Note: this is not my position, but i still think it’s funny
…or hooked up to a feeding tube.
I like this one.
Regards,
Shodan
Oooh! I got one:
“Conservatives: Buncha whiny cunts!”
Pithy, no?
That’s the funniest thing I’ve read all month!
Annoy a conservative: Get rich by treating your employees like human beings!
Liberals are people who want to spend 5 billion to feed the world.
Conservatives are peopel who want to spend 10 billion to blow it up.
Conservatism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, is helping others.
(zing! Great one, eror!) Of course, if this happens, you can do what Grover Norquist recommends and wrestle it into the bathroom to drown it in the tub.
Conservative: America! Love it or leave it!
Liberal: If you love living in America, shut up and pay your taxes!
Conservatives: the people who believe government doesn’t work, then get elected and prove it.
(Disclaimer: There is a corresponding “liberals” joke, also by P.J. O’Rourke, but I can’t find it at the moment.)
Oh, here’s one (slightly modified from an original by Will Rogers, to fit the Canadian context): I’m not a member of any organized political party; I’m a New Democrat.
A conservative is a liberal who’s been mugged.
Or, in the classic of Winston Churchill “If you’re a conservative at age 20, then you’re heartless. If you’re a liberal at 40, then you’re mindless.”
Conservatives and Liberals usually have the same beliefs about social policies - it’s just that Liberals have them thirty years earlier.
To complete this couplet:
A liberal is a conservative who’s been laid off; (or)
A liberal is a conservative who’s been falsely arrested.
Liberals are like a baby. Lots of noise at one end, and no sense of responsiblity at the other.
Regards,
Shodan
Heh heh. Pot calling a kettle a mentally subnormal inconinent.
At least the shit at the diapered end isn’t a permanent form of stuffing.
This was actually funny. What, may I ask, was the original quote?
“Time for my cookie. Where’s my cookie? Mommy?”
And a liberal is a conservative who’s been arrested.
A conservative is a whiner who likes to whine about how much liberals whine.