“No joking”? You haven’t read Mallard Fillmore or Prickly City, then.
Nothing beats conservatism for sucking the humor out of anything…
Compassionate conservatism: Appeasing dictators and despots since the Cold War, except for the one who tried to kill Poppy. 
Cute one!
Republicans: Spending China’s money since 2000 (at least!)
Okay, I’m working on a new joke. Y’all tell me what you think:
Two conservatives walk into a bar. One of them turns to the other and says, “Wait, I thought we were against drinking.” The other says, “We are. This is a gay bar. We’re burning it down.”
Then the first says, “That’s right, I remember now. We’re still planning on hypocritically drinking to excess afterwards, right?” And the other one says, “Of course. Also, I support shortsighted and irresponsible fiscal policy as well as oppressive civil policies which threaten basic liberty, all motivated by my own self-interest.”
Okay, the punchline needs a little work.
A conservative thinks that government can’t do anything right and gets himself elected to prove it.
P. J. O’Roarke?
I’m going to harvest this thread and market bi-partisan fortune cookies. Most of the strips will have the liberal phrase on one side and the conservative phrase on the other. They’ll appeal to folks who like a chuckle or a big fight at the end of a meal.
Politics in a nutshell;
Liberal: Someone who wants to take all of your money and give it to the poor.
Conservative: Someone who wants to take all of your money and give it to the rich.
And who do you annoy if you advocate libertarianism and call yourself a liberal? 
Post #32:
Post #37:
Be a liberal… Specifically, be Joe Biden!
But do we still add “in bed” at the end of each one?
The Straight Dope Message Board!
Actually, I would have said:
Conservative: funding dictators and despots since the Cold War.
Occassional? :dubious:
My Mom says guys like you are just jealous 'cause I’m so special. And Moms don’t lie.
“One type of song that has come into increasing prominence in recent months is the folk-song of protest. You have to admire people who sing these songs. It takes a certain amount of courage to get up in a coffee-house or a college auditorium and come out in favor of the things that everybody else in the audience is against—like peace and justice and brotherhood and so on.”—Tom Lehrer
“Yer a menace to the people. It’s me duty to sink your end of the boat.”
[Caption of a cartoon of two men, marked "Left Wing and “Right Wing,” arguing/fighting with each other, drills in hand, in a sinking rowboat labeled “free speech”]
—Bill Mauldin
Liberals: Want to take your guns.
Conservatives: Want to take your porn.
My mom wore combat boots, rode a Harley, and chewed tobacco, and can kick your mom’s ass.
Glad to hear from you, ExTank.
Regards,
Shodan
Seeing the old leaders of the GOP go for impeachment for mindless reasons, for the Iraq war for mindless reasons, for ignoring Terry Shiavo’s whishes for mindless reasons, for going into deficit for mindless reasons, for bamboozling Americans with the Medicare medicine deal, (and many other deals). The conservatives leaders of today fail the childish marshmallow test even when they go to old age, as it has been said, Don’t blame malice for what stupidity can explain.
I prefer my liberal heart to pretended conservative intelligence.
Besides, I will be 40 soon… 
I agree. I was another hoping you’d stick around.