Annual Fuck Valentine's Day Thread

[mnemosyne]

My husband is out of town (fuck, out of the continent!) on a business trip, and since that project is a royal fuckup on the part of the company/project managers, he’s having to do about a month’s worth of work in a week, so I wasn’t able to talk to him today.

I’m bitter, because I thought I had plans with a friend, and for whatever reason, I can’t reach her, so I’m sitting here at home surfing the Dope with the TV on in the background.

I don’t care that much about Valentine’s day; we barely ever do anything more than we would any other day, but I am very pissed off at my friend, who was the one who asked me in the first place if I wanted to do something today!

And I’m low on food and don’t feel like cooking what I do have, so I’m hungry to boot.

[MoodIndigo1]

I hate pink and red hearts, cherubs, bouquets of roses at triple the price, heart-shaped boxes of chocolates, special Valentine dinners out and the rest.

However, a few years ago I read Storm Large (singer from West Coast who competed in Rock Star Supernova-- and was passed over):

This year I’m going to consciously and continuously acknowledge My Kind Of Love . I will celebrate my flawed , fun and filthy sense of intimacy I share with my sweetheart . My Kind Of Love is certainly not fit for TV . You can have those gorgeous and squeaky clean models who glowingly exchange diamonds and cars and have sex frontways not sweating or queefing in bed . Keep em’ , they all leave me dry .
The most romantic thing my boyfriend ever said to me was he loved holding me so much , he wanted to cut me up and wear me . On the phone recently , after I was nearing the end of a ten day road trip , I asked him what he wanted me to do to him when I got home … we had been sending phone pics of each other’s junk back and forth , to show how much we missed each other … he said in a murderous whisper " I just want you to lay there and look scared ." With that I shouted that I would love him forever and would he like to be my first husband .
THAT’S love .
When we first got together , in the throes of the first blush of falling in love … you know , when you just fuck , pretty much nonstop and everywhere possible … my body looked like I had passed out naked in bear country sprinkled with potato chips . Bitten , bruised and clawed raw , we had sex like it was a fierce battle of who can out fuck who … we both won and lost equally .
THAT’S romance .
Some women , and even a few men , have a laundry list of what they need to get into sex and ultimately get off . In the saddest of cases , the women think that vanilla candles , Norah Jones and tender , loving words will curl their toes , yet they are still left unsatisfied . That’s just horrible . Again , the awful influence of advertising and selling what love and intimacy should look like , swelling our already ridiculous expectations . You want to know what intimacy looks like ? Me with gas and a couple of Biore’ black head strips glued across my nose and chin , fucking my boyfriend like a prisoner til’ I come screaming and cussing and we both laugh collapsing in a heap . THEN when he won’t go get me some water , I call him a fag and fart on his leg.
THAT’S intimacy .
How about the morning wood , dick-in-the-back scenario ? Most long term relationship veterans have their own way of dealing with that demanding , painful erection most guys get early mornings . If you’re like me , it takes you a bit longer to get going out of a dead sleep . So , sometimes I just push my bare backside into that drum tight exclamation point and yawn , " Go ahead and take one , Baby . " And he does like a dog takes the strip of fat off your steak without hesitation (or chewing) . Later on I e-mail him or text him that he owes me and had better watch some internet porn and get some sick ideas before he gets home … 'cause he owes me .
THAT’S trust .
Take your love in whatever form it exists and celebrate it daily , I know you do in your own way . Let the phony pageantry of Valentine’s Day pop and fade into what we’re all really waiting for … SPRING !! Love to you all … My Kind Of Love … or yours .

Now that, I could celebrate.

[The_Tao_s_Revenge]

Now I know you meant well, and bless your heart for it, but take your insperational coupling story and GTFO. We don’t need your kind in this thread.

Bah Humbug.

[CaerieD]

It’s the anniversary of my dad’s funeral. I’ve never really celebrated it. I pretty much hate the whole fucking month.

[ArrMatey]

@Frank

The church wraps it around with a lot of theological legalese, but it boils down to his historicity being doubtful, as with St. Christopher, who also got dropped from the calendar.

Not that I don’t believe you, I do. But I’ll ask for cite just so when other people tell me I’m crazy I have something more than this message board to point them to.

(Yes, some people don’t take this place as an authority. heathens!)

[FoieGrasIsEvil]

@UncleNito

Don’t do it, neuro. Every one of MsNito’s friends was sure I would pop the question when she came to visit me for V-day 2003. I proposed two weeks later. It’s better this way because Hallmark does not own our day.

ETA: But I nominate “Sweetest Day” as the most useless made-up holiday ever. At least Valentine’s Day was once a bona fide Roman Catholic feast day, which itself ripped off a bona fide pagan fertility celebration. Sweetest Day emerged fully formed from the black, putrid womb of Hallmark’s marketing department.

QFT. Sweetest Day is a complete corporate manipulation creation.

[Cicero]

@Giltathriel

To the facebook friends who feel the need to put ‘is spending the day with their valentine’ as a status. Shut the fuck up and don’t rub it in.

I guess you didn’t get a bit?

[Sunspace]

@FoieGrasIsEvil

QFT. Sweetest Day is a complete corporate manipulation creation.

‘Sweetest Day’? Should I be glad that this hasn’t yet made it out of the States?

[bufftabby]

@Sunspace

‘Sweetest Day’? Should I be glad that this hasn’t yet made it out of the States?

I don’t know what it is either (I’m in the US), but I bet I fucking hate it.

[Sunspace]

@bufftabby

I don’t know what it is either (I’m in the US), but I bet I fucking hate it.

Will you help me kill it if it makes it to the border?

[FoieGrasIsEvil]

Kill it now, if you can, before it spreads it’s evil corporate Hallmark tentacles into your mist.

[The_Tao_s_Revenge]

Sweetest Day

Today

Sweetest Day now largely involves giving small presents such as greeting cards, candy, and flowers to loved ones. While it is not as large or widely observed as Valentine’s Day, it is still celebrated in parts of the United States, despite persistent allegations of being a “Hallmark holiday.” [12]

Retail Confectioners International describes it as “much more important for candymakers in some regions than in others (Detroit, Cleveland and Buffalo being the biggest Sweetest Day cities)”.[2] In 2006, Hallmark marketed 151 greeting card designs for Sweetest Day. American Greetings marketed 178.[13]

I live in the Great Lakes region, trust me, low orbit ion canon. You want to be sure.

[Sunspace]

@The_Tao_s_Revenge

Sweetest Day - Wikipedia
I live in the Great Lakes region, trust me, low orbit ion canon. You want to be sure.

:: reads linked article ::

Ah, that explains it. It’s just around the same time as Canadian Thanksgiving. It must get drowned out by the sound of gobbling.

[Cat_Whisperer]

@Sunspace

:: reads linked article ::

Ah, that explains it. It’s just around the same time as Canadian Thanksgiving. It must get drowned out by the sound of gobbling.

Hee hee - you said “gobbling.”

[Nancarrow]

I misread the title as ‘Animal Fuck: Valentine’s Day Treat’. I was so disappointed.

[Wiggie]

@neuroman

So I have to propose to her today…

Am I missing something? I don’t see where you say someone was holding a gun to your head.

I don’t understand women, and I am one.

[Creaky]

I was all set to not like Valentine’s Day this year for a bunch of dumb reasons.

I even went so far last night as to get tanked at home by myself so I could feel especially sorry for myself, right?

Then my buddy called and he was all like, well, I know you’re home by yourself and I am too, why don’t you come over and watch TV? (He has cable and I don’t and I’ve been enjoying a lot of TV I never get to see.)

Anyhow so I was like, okay. Then we watched TV and I crashed on his couch because I was tired and tanked. When I woke up this morning the first thing he did was walk over and just put his hand on my head. It reminded me of the Blessing I got at the altar in church before I was old enough to take the Eucharist. He just didn’t say anything, just put his hand on my head. That was cool.

Then I started crying, for heaven’s sake. So he took me to Starbucks and got me a coffee and dropped me off at my apartment. He had to work today but we’re both off tomorrow so we might do something like go have lunch.

I know this is an I Hate Valentine’s Day thread and as I said, I have never liked Valentine’s Day but this one turned out to be not too bad.

[wonky]

@Sunspace

Will you help me kill it if it makes it to the border?

Be sure to salt the grave.

[Lucky_13]

@The_Tao_s_Revenge

Aww hugs. Word of advice, and this is going to sound dirty but I don’t mean it that way*, but try to think of today as a day to enjoy yourself. Valentines is a socio-commercial peer pressure thing; it can only get you down if you let it. Reflect and explore the nonromantic parts of your life that you enjoy.

Thanks. I feel a little better today. If I had more time I would’ve dug out my old MST3K tapes and watched till I fell asleep, like I used to do before I met my ex.

*unless there’s pics

Er… not with the kids around.

[The_Tao_s_Revenge]

@Lucky_13

Thanks. I feel a little better today. If I had more time I would’ve dug out my old MST3K tapes and watched till I fell asleep, like I used to do before I met my ex.

Np. Always good to get back in the pre-ex groove. That’s a nostalgia trip though. I used to stay up up to 2 am Saturday nights to watch that show.