Then I think that the topic of the thread should change from “What to do?” to “How to get her out of my head?”
Have you been to a bar? Do you drive everyone home or did you let them all drive off on their own?
Could’ve been a third shift bar. There’s quite a few bars in my area that you can walk into at 10am and already see people pretty hammered since they’ve been there since they got off of work a few hours earlier. I’m assuming that’s not uncommon in blue collar areas with factories that are up and running 24 hours a day.
So you let a drunk person drive her home, and subsequently were concerned if she got home?
SMH
Quite often, yes.
Not if I’ve had anything alcoholic to drink, no. One drink is one too many for driving.
If they’re drunk? I’d hope the barman would stop them and call a cab or the various services. But someone I’ve been interacting with? No, I wouldn’t let them. I especially wouldn’t let them go off with a strange man if I could possibly stop it.
Not really a thing in Cape Town. If a bar has people drinking in it to drunkenness at 10 am on a Monday, it’s a dive or a shebeen.
Just underlining this. People in abusive relationships have psychological damage. Sometimes it’s entirely from this abuse, and sometimes it builds on underlying issues that led them to choose / be chosen by an abusive mate. That means they need help, but they need complex, scaffolded help. The things that would work for an ordinary nice woman in a tough situation will not help her.
If you want to help someone like this, write down the number for the National Domestic Violence Hotline on a piece of paper and give it to her (National Domestic Violence Hotline | The Administration for Children and Families, 1−800−799−SAFE). If you want to do more, make a donation to this organization or to another reputable organization like it.
There are problems you cannot solve as an individual.
That is an incredibly low standard.
I don’t know anything about you, but you can do better. This way lies madness.
What’s a shebeen?
OP, you might see her again at the bar if you hang out there. That could solve your problem.
I haven’t seen that term since I read Trinity by Leon Uris a million years ago. In Ireland, it was where they made the poteen (moonshine.) Looking it up, it’s a term used in Ireland, Scotland and South Africa for an unlicensed drinking establishment.
Wikipedia actually has an article on “shebeen”, believe it or not.
I just wanted to quote this as great advice, co-signed by someone who works for a domestic violence agency.
I was once driving in my subdivision when a woman ran into the road screaming at me to call 911 because her boyfriend just attacked her. He was on the lawn laughing saying “she always lies” classic deflection stuff. I immediately opened the door and put her in my car and drove around while she called police. I waited in the car with her until the cops arrived. I told her the domestic violence agency I worked for and gave her my business card, which has the crisis line number on it.
While she was talking to the cops they were examining her neck for bruises because the police generally don’t know what to look for in domestic violence strangulation cases. She had the classic raspy voice indicating strangulation. But what the hell was I gonna say to the police? I write grants for a living.
She thanked me and left and that was that.
Boy did I feel bad. The next day I sat down with the real experts and asked what I should have done. They said I did the exact right thing. I gave her the resources, I respected her agency, and I didn’t attempt to intervene beyond my level of expertise.
OP, you did all you could. One of the hardest parts about life is that it’s full of people we can’t help.
Ok. I won’t pursue it further. She (or the boyfriend?) has my number.
I was not fit to drive, after 2 large beers. I offered to pay for an Uber. I cannot physically restain someone from driving.
For Mr Dibble, though I love a good dive bar (and both those you mentioned).this is Furleys in Newlands. A mid range restaurant. It is my local because it is within walking distance of where I live.
I’m so glad to hear it. I hope you stay safe.
That’s not going to do a lot of good where scudsucker is.
Here it’s 0800 150 150
Ha, I know Furleys. I was just at the Korean BBQ next door this weekend. OK, not a dive. Just sad people, then. ETA: not you, I mean the people who were dagdronk.
All I’m going to say is that one of my technicians at the grocery store was a woman who had fled an abusive boyfriend a few years earlier. The shelter where she lived for the next few months had Rule Numero Uno be DO NOT CONTACT THE ABUSER. This was the most common reason for kicking women out of the shelter, and if she went back to him, or heaven forbid told him where the shelter was, she would not be able to receive services from that shelter for 6 months. This was in the Phoenix, AZ area and most people I’ve told that to have been skeptical. “Don’t they know it takes an average of 7 attempts for a woman to break free?” Yes, I do, and they didn’t want repeat business and had limited resources, and wanted to use them for people who would actually benefit from them.
This shelter would refer these women to other agencies, but they wouldn’t let her stay there during that time if they broke that rule.
I’ve spent some time in bars, including some nasty dives. I’ve urged a few people to not drive home, including offering to get them a ride. I’ve had a few people insist they were fine.
I’m not sure what you mean by not letting them drive home. Do you physically restrain them?
That could have gotten ugly. 
Let me caution you about getting involved in domestic disputes. I have a couple of friends who are cops, and even they hate those kind of calls.
That is probably part of her “self hurt”. She has a terrible self image and probably feels that he is all that she deserves to have. In a case like this, no amount of logic and no amount of emotional investment on your part can help her. She can’t be “fixed”, but you could come out of it emotionally beaten up. People like her can exhaust you if you let them.
No, I’d alert the relevant authorities. First the bar staff, then the police.
Just like I do when I see any other deadly crime about to be commited.
OK, your wording made me think you physically stopped them. IME, notifying the bartender would lead to the bartender “cutting them off” (stop serving them). Calling the police? Their response would not be fast enough to stop the person from driving off. “When seconds count, the police are only minutes away”
It probably has more value as a threat than in the execution.