Go, but with a prepared excuse on why you have to leave…“I have to pick up my Dad from the airport.” “I haven’t been home and the dog needs to get let out.” “I’m coming down with a killer headache, I best just get home quickly.”
I never, ever show up at a party at the time it’s scheduled for (unless it’s a sit down dinner), because I have learned from previous experience that I will be the only guest there for a good half an hour.
“I’m sorry; did we get the time wrong? It looks as if we’ve missed the party. And i skipped lunch, too.”
Rude twat. And no, you’re not childish. You’re invited to a party, you expect food, and when you see there was cake and everyone finished it before you got there, hell yeah you should be disappointed. (Especially when it’s obvious that they deliberately served it before you guys were scheduled to arrive)
I mean, even if you ARE going to troll for gifts, at least make an effort to provide some food for the uh, “targets”? Seriously, I would be embarassed to even be caught at something so blatant.
gracer – what the hell is a “quif”?
A vagina fart! 
(I was just being silly, thinking of something more awkward.)
Queef I think.
That’s a “queef”.
ETA: Too late.
I understand 2nd tier friends. But having different times for your first and second tier friends is bullshit. If you really want to spend some quality time with the cool kids only, don’t bother inviting the 2nd tier friends at all. Jeez!
Did the host make you use the back entrance as well?
Do people actually do this? This would be the most offensive part of the evening to me.
As to the rest of the party, Mizpullin and I have a long-standing rule that we never, ever carpool to a social setting. We insist on controlling our departure time and even have developed small hand signals to indicate to the other that we’re ready to leave.
For the record, I think it’s perfectly acceptable to have a “second tier” party provided it is properly catered for (which clearly wasn’t the case here). I don’t know about the US, but at weddings in the UK it’s very common for weddings to have the main wedding reception (which is usually immediately following the wedding ceremony and involves a sit-down meal, speeches, and varying amounts of free alcohol), followed by an evening function to which all the same guests are invited PLUS other friends/distant relatives with whom you want to share your wedding day but can’t quite afford to pay for. This is seen as perfectly socially acceptable, but the key point is that the hosts will provide an evening buffet (or some sort of food specifically for the evening guests), which all present can then eat or not as they choose.
In terms of asking for contributions towards the honeymoon as a wedding gift, I think it’s fine to ask for that instead of household items (because many people these days already have a full compliment of crockery/saucepans/electricals/whatever by the time they get married), it means that those who want to give a gift can contribute something that will be appreciated by the happy couple rather than something that will sit at the back of the cupboard for 20 years. Those who don’t want to contribute don’t have to, those who want to buy a physical trinket will do so anyway. It’s a win all round, if slightly gauche, but I think we can get over that in this day and age.
Wow. That is just so incredibly rude.
Still, monstro, you could come to my parties: I usually have the reverse problem - lots of food and no guests!
The next time you go to one of you co-worker’s parties, you might want to bring a copy of Emily Post’s Etiquette as your hostess gift.
Do not feel bad about declining invitations from her. Be polite when declining, since she is a coworker and you will presumbably want to have a civil relationship going forward, but decline an invitation if you don’t want to go. Think of a reasonable excuse, and if she presses you on it, stick to it, or change the subject.
A reasonable person might be disappointed if people can’t come to their parties (or come and leave early) but wouldn’t be angry or upset if people were polite about it. An unreasonable person might be angry, or resort to pressure or guilt, but in those cases you have to realize that you’re not the unreasonable one, and just stick to your plan, as politely as possible.
I agree with this. If you go to any more of coworker’s parties (or any other parties), always have a good prepared excuse on why you need to leave after a little while. If you are having a lot of fun and want to stay, you won’t need it. But it’s good to have one prepared.
This sounds a little strange to me, but if it’s normal for your region, there’s nothing wrong with it. Do the invitations make it clear to the second tier people that they are part of the second bunch?
I don’t see that the host did anything wrong, and frankly you’re coming off as really presumptuous and entitled to have expected anything beyond what you got.
Just kidding. That was completely effed-up.
In the breakroom today she mentioned all the leftovers they had. How that’s all they’ve been eating all weekend, and how they had to throw so much away due to lack of room in the refrigerator. I just sat there and nodded my head and pretended I wasn’t mentally cursing.
Maybe I had an out-of-body experience or something while I was at her house. Maybe I looked for food in all the wrong places. Maybe they had everything wrapped up somewhere and she simply failed to bring it to our attention. Maybe she did point it out but that’s when someone hit me over the head with a beer bottle. Maybe she thinks a bowl of stale tortilla chips counts as a “leftover”.
Regardless, my coworker and I have different perceptions of the evening.
I do know this. Never once did she say anything like, “Guys, ya’ll aren’t eating anything! What’s going on? Make yourselves a plate! We’ve got too much food!” Even if I’m to blame for not seeing the invisible food, surely the hostesss is supposed to notice when their guests are not eating, right?
But I just nodded and smiled as she bragged about their food largess.
Also, she kind of gave me shit for not drinking anything but diet Dr. Pepper. I politely reminded her that I don’t drink beer. She whined that they had wine too. And I reminded her she didn’t have any out for public consumption, nor did she offer me any when she said they only had diet Dr. Pepper and tap water. She said nothing in response.
Talking to her today has made me even more pissed-off!
I think your OP said there was no leftover food. That seemed odd to me, since I’ve never hosted or attended a party that didn’t have plenty of leftovers. (Maybe my family is just really bad about judging the amount of food necessary.) So perhaps they put everything away before you arrived at 5pm? Did you ask them if there was any food?
Personally, I get really crabby if I haven’t eaten. If I was in your shoes, I doubt I’d have managed to stay polite if I arrived to find an empty table.
Maybe they had a whole spread hidden away for the third-tier party that started after you left!
Or, there is the possibility that normal-looking household items were cleverly crafted edible replicas. Did you try eating any of the chairs?
Her comment about the hidden wine is making me think that I shoudn’t have expected her to show me where the food was. In her mind, just as I was supposed to know she had wine somewhere in the house, I should have known that there was food somewhere too. All I had to do was ask, but I didn’t.
That’s not what I’m used to when I’m a first-time visitor in someone’s house. But I guess everyone has different ways of hosting.
…say, maybe that’s a clue…?
*Gooey Gooey food! Where are you?
Don’t be a stingy jerk now!
Gooey Gooey food! Where are you?
Come Feed co-workers too now!
C’mon Gooey Food! I see you!
there’s crumbs left on the silver
You’re not foolin me, cause I can see
the gifts that you just pilfered!
We know you gotta brand new house (you cheapo-louse!)
so go on and serve up a snack! (Don’t hold back!)
Cause Gooey food
If you come through, you’re gonna
save yourself a lotta flack
(thats a fact!)
Gooey Gooey food! Where are you?
This plate, it isn’t fillin’
We should snack on you, Gooey Food!
Before tapping kegs or chillin…
*
My take is pretty much the same as everyone else’s. This wasn’t just rude, it was major-league rude. It’s pretty rude to invite people to a party without at least some sort of light munchies and a reasonable assortment of drinks. But what takes it over the top is the abundant evidence that the real party had already happened, you weren’t good enough to be invited, and she was rubbing your face (metaphorically, at least) in the crumbs left over.
But if this was the bride from that thread you linked to, the part I have a hard time getting my head around is that she would have enough friends to have a first-tier party where all the goodies were devoured before you got there.
Let’s see: you got a tour of the house, and this cornucopia of food and drink weren’t pointed out enroute. And your hostess mentioned the possibility of sausages in the fridge, and either you checked, or the fridge was checked for you, and no sausages. Or presumably any other major leftovers from the ‘real’ party that you could have been served instead.
Have you talked today with any of your co-workers who went to the party, other than the hostess? If so, what did they think about it all?