I agree, but I suspect from what you are saying that she is a manipulative bitch who uses her “sensitivity” to guilt people into not criticizing her when she deserves it.
The OP’s story reminded me of something I saw in Dear Abby.
This couple was invited to dinner at someone’s house and they thought it odd that it was at 4:30 which to them seemed early. So anyways they arrive and eat something basic (maybe meatloaf or something) and they found it odd that the host couple didnt eat much and seemed to be acting odd and when 6 came they were sort of pushed out the door.
Well they found out later that some other dinner guests came soon after, richer ones btw, and they all enjoyed steak and lobster.
So like the OP, some people do seem to have tiered guests who they treat differently.
You think 2nd shift is bad?
Try mixing “A” list and “B” list at same time and place.
One advice column from way back had the story of a (unknown to him) “B” noitce someone drinking a very nice alcoholic beverage. This was a huge, hosted outdoor affair. He went to the nearest bar and asked for that brand.
"Sorry sir, that is reserved for those seated at other tables.
The host had seated the “A” and “B” at separate tables, and then instructed the bartenders to serve the good stuff to only those at certain tables.
Why not just pin "A"s (Scarlet?) and "B"s on then as they arrived - so everybody knows who to insult and degrade?
First of all, I’m not sure I’d even go to a party for a coworker’s spouse, whom I’d never met. But assuming I did, and if I were you, I’d have called to have a pizza or two delivered. And I would have paid for it myself. Then I’d sit down and start eating it. I’d be curious to see how the hostess would react. I bet she would not reimburse you, and probably take a slice herself. It would be worth it just to see how totally rude she could be.
And yes, I know how passive-aggressive this is.
Well, one could take the view that they have spent a hell of a lot of money on hosting a great wedding party for their friends and family to enjoy, and so may not have much money left for their honeymoon. Every time I have seen this request made, it’s been very much of the form “we really don’t need any presents and just want you to share our special day, but if you really want to give something then a contribution to our honeymoon fund would be appreciated”. Sure, it’s classier to suggest a donation to charity, but as I say I have no problem doing this for friends who are close enough to invite me to their wedding. If you don’t want to give, you don’t have to - it’s a win all round I think.
Oh, absolutely. The events I’m talking about would almost always be professionally catered, there would be no trace of any of the previous food for the evening guests. Having said, of course the evening guests are aware they are still second-class citizens - if you don’t like it, you don’t have to accept the invitation. The issue with the OP seems to be that there was no prior indication given that the main party started several hours before they were invited.
Missed edit window: sorry to the OP for the slight hijack - I don’t have much more to add other than agreeing with everyone else that this was a poorly thought-out party on the hostess’s part (to say the least), I drink beer but wouldn’t want more than one if I were driving, and don’t like Dr Pepper (fortunately I do like tap water but I understand many don’t). For that time of day I would definitely expect more than stale chips for food. I would have probably done what you did - not been happy but stuck it out for the sake of my co-workers who I was driving home. I wouldn’t bother saying anything afterwards - just politely decline the next invitation.
When I attend a family affair, before I arrive I figure out how long I HAVE to be there and set the alarm clock on my cell phone to go off then. Then, when my cell phone rings, I “answer the call” and depending on how much I’m enjoying the party, I’ll either “talk to them later” or “Shit! No problem. I can drive you to the emergency room!”
Well, monstro, if you’re ever in the 'Burgh, let me know. We can go out for some real noms. (Primantis, anyone?)
Even if this were true, this would also be incredibly rude. If the food table is empty, there’s no reason to not put the remaining food out. If your guests don’t want it, they won’t eat it, but a good host won’t just assume that they’re happy without food.
A hosted party involves some sort of food, even if it’s nothing more complicated than snack foods. If the hosts expect the guests to bring food themselves, that needs to be communicated clearly upfront. (e.g. “We’re having a potluck at our place.”)
I just wouldn’t bother to accept any more invitations from this person. She’s made it pretty clear what she thinks of you, and it’s not that she sees you as a friend. No need to make a big do of it, but next time (and the next, and the next) she invites you to something, you’ll be unable to attend, thanks anyway! (Protip: don’t give a reason why you can’t attend, it just gives her a hook to try to argue you out of your decision.)
I agree, and note that such a reaction makes it about how awful you were to her, rather than what it’s really about – how rude she was to you.
Also, she’s a grown-ass woman and needs to learn sometime how to deal with disagreements in a rational, grown-up fashion. She doesn’t get to be a toddler for the rest of her life. If she gets her “feelings hurt” often enough maybe she’ll figure out that it sucks crying all the time / it’s a manipulative tactic that doesn’t work, and she’ll adapt with more adult ways of functioning.
She’s clearly not going to learn appropriate social behaviors by herself.