Another "how do we get this person out of our house?" post.

[BMalion]

Don’t forget to burn down the house.

[Rocketeer]

@BMalion

Don’t forget to burn down the house.

I’m detecting a theme here. :dubious:

[iamthewalrus_3]

@xanthous

You can commence to reply now and tell me I should have NEVER agreed to be “paid off” for an arrangement that I wasn’t crazy about, in fact—never mind, because I’ve said it so many times to myself, it’s etched into my brain already.

Actually, I don’t think that this part was necessarily foolish. Lots of times we have to make compromises on living situations for financial reasons. And in this case, it was a family issue, too. The place that this thing went wrong was letting the brother slide on the rent even once.

I agree that moving out is a good plan. Set a date, stick to it, and move in with a friend for a few weeks. If BF doesn’t get his act together over that, you should probably think long and hard about how committed he is to the relationship.

[Dangerosa]

Moving out appears to be your only choice. Does your BF own the house or does he rent? Are you on the lease?

If its BFs house and BF’s brother you can’t kick BFB out.
Its obvious after seven months and you posting here about it that BF isn’t going to do this

So, you have two choices

Suck it up cause you are in it for the long haul and face the fact that the rest of your life you will be helping to support the freeloading brother.

or

Move out. This may mean BF will come to his sense and kick BFB out…it may not.

These are the only two things you control.

[Kalhoun]

@ivylass

I’m going with move out. You can’t change the situation, you’re in a relationship with a boy (not man) who can’t stand up for his woman, despite knowing how unhappy his woman is, but you can tremendously lower your stress level by getting out.

Look at it this way…if this is the way it is when you’re living together, what will it be like when you’re married? Most likely exactly the same, but a helluva lot more difficult to extricate yourself.

Why wait until August?

Ivylass is right. Sadly, this says more about the BF than it does about the Brother. I don’t know how serious you are about BF, but if you’re thinking about making a lifetime commitment, he’s got to put you first. If he can’t, maybe you need to move on (hard as that is to do when you love someone). Parents show kids the door all the time to save their home and family. BF needs to show that same amount of dedication to your relationship. If he doesn’t? Well, at least you know where you stand. Best of luck to you. Sucks. Sucks hard.

[Anne_Neville]

@xanthous

Brother went on and on about how he can’t afford to live by himself and that all of his friends are married, so he doesn’t have any roommate options.

BF and Brother are aware that there are various forums in which people seeking roommates advertise for them, are they not? Craigslist is one place he could look. The classified ads in your local paper might be another possibility.

[dangermom]

Chiming in: you are not being a jerk. Moving out on August 1st is not being a jerk. I think you’ve got a good plan there, only I’d move the date up. This really is a serious indicator of your boyfriend’s character; if he can’t step up and assert that he wants to live his life freeloading-brother-free, then you have a real problem that you will be dealing with for as long as you two are together.

Also, it wasn’t that bad a compromise, getting paid for putting up with a temporary freeloading brother. But it should never have gotten past the first month; when he didn’t pay, your BF should have set limits.

[elbows]

It cannot be said often enough, in my opinion;

“You cannot help someone by doing for them what they should, or could, do for themselves!”

Cold. Hard. Fact of life. Ignore at your peril.

I had a brother under my roof, I can feel your pain. It was a hard thing for me to learn, it was my brother! But learn it I did.

I had it written on piece of paper and I put it where I would see it once every day, at least.

I would approach the brother, on neutral ground, gently, quietly and with as much respect as you can display, explain that having him under your roof (though you were happy to help him when he needed it) has put a strain on things between you and SO. Tell him you feel you have been both generous and patient, happy to be able to lend a hand. Tell him you don’t feel that things can continue in this way, strongly do you feel that something must change by July 1st weekend.

Do not make excuses, for him or for your needs, leave that part alone. Compliment him on his maturity and understanding, tell him you were certain he’d want to know how you felt even though you try to all be happy and make it work. Tell him your respect for him demands you be honest and frank with him.

If he picks a fight, end of conversation. Wants to dissect what he’s done wrong? Don’t go there! Wants to know what he can change? Don’t even think about this approach. Leave it alone, say your part and end it.

Tell him you’re confident he himself knows what the right thing to do is and that you’re certain you can rely on his maturity.

After a day or two you can start making remarks about ‘when he moves in July’. If anyone so much as winces at this, switch to, ‘Sorry, I meant when I move in July.’ Keep doing it, often. Until everyone gets the idea.

As July approaches, if no packing starts happening, get some boxes and start packing up your things. When brother and SO start in, ignore them completely. Do not enter into any debates, you have said everything you need to say, the rest is up to them!

I wish you good luck, I’ll be pulling for you!