Another Return of the Religous Nutball

My friend, the Religious Nutball [#1] , came into town this weekend. He came into town with a couple of friends for some sort of church gathering. (A church gathering in Vegas…hmmm, strange choice of town). Anyway he stayed at my sister’s house. I wasn’t too sure if I wanted to see him or not since our last talk went rather badly.

Anyway, I decide to give it a try. We start talking and all is well…for a bit. I then learn that he is now a BIGGER nutball than before.

For example…

According to him the great depression was caused by European countries ON PURPOSE. He never said exactly what that purpose was but only that all Europeans are atheists. (Note, when I asked about the Pope, you know Rome and all that, he went off. Apparently Catholics are evil in his world)

The whole school system in the US is run by homosexuals bent on turning all our kids into homosexuals…

On a related note, all homosexuals should be arrested.

Reagan was shot because the Democrats hated a God Fearing President™.

Video games are the tool of Satan. So he took his Playstation 2 out and BURNED it. Yes, he actually burned it. (I don’t think he liked the fact that I am now doing PS2 tech support)

Also, only Baptists are following the true word of God. Everyone else is going to burn in hell.

And my favorite, the Earth is only ~3000 years old. Add up all the years in the bible and you get a rough age. Dinosaurs? Never existed, they were invented by the Evil Atheists™. Why? To provide “false evidence” about the age of the Earth.

Egad, my poor friend is nuts.


#1. I tried searching for my last thread but it took too long.

On the bright side, it is great fun to get these types of nutballs spun up. There’s nothing like a cold beer and a religious fanatic to while away a hot afternoon in the desert.

I am both religious AND a baptist. My professional opinion is that your friend is, theologically speaking, a nut.

3000 years old? Most religious estimations I’ve read put it somewhere between 7,000 and 12,000 years.

And the burning of the PS2 is about the funniest thing I’ve ever read. :smiley:

A religiocrazy in this town decided that baseball was the Devil’s tool. He burned a stack of baseball bats. :eek: When he finished, I told him his ceremony had done no good. Baseball bats are carved out of ash. After he burned them, they were still ash. He chased me away, flinging Bibles and quotations in my wake. :rolleyes:

Do you know his address? Get him a subscription to Playboy. And Hustler. And Juggs. And maybe something really scary, like Scientific American, for good measure. :smiley:

Evil Atheist? Please. Call me Satan or go home. :wink:

Who’d want to go to Heaven if it was full of Baptists, anyway?

Sometimes I feel really sorry for these deluded people, then I realize they live in a much more interesting world than I do.

He could’ve given the ps2 to me. I’d have, uh, burned it for him. I have much training in this sort of procedure. :wink:

Why is this guy still your friend?

We had neighbors many years ago in CA who, in order to demonstrate the evils of Halloween, etc., had the family gather together on the back patio where they burned a couple of copies of the board game version of Dungeons & Dragons, which they had specifically purchased for the ritual. Nice role models, these.

I’m a Christian and even I find that scary!

My God! :eek:

I think I’ve just hit on an entirely new career option!

Highly flammable “Tools of Satan” made specifically just to be burned by religeous nutbags!

Ouija Boards and Board games made from wax impregnated particle board (like those little fire starter deals). Oil impregnated cloth items, etc.

Heck, I could even add one of those greeting card chips and a small sensor so that it screams as it burns!


Damn, I want to be a religious nutjob now!

This is so true. They seem to immerse themselves in the delusion. The books ( if you could call them that) , the movies (if you could call them that) and their social group of deluded friends.

It’s like they all have the same collective mouth breathing IQ.

Have you ever asked your friend what his feelings were on Harry Potter?

Agreed. Your friend is dumber than duckshit. Surely a good Doper like yourself could do better… life’s too short to waste on cretins like this.

Is your friend’s name Chick, first name Jack, by any chance?

To answer the big question “Why is he still your friend?”: Well I guess technically he isn’t. I don’t talk to him, don’t call, don’t send Christmas cards. I did tell him that I would love to talk to him as long as religon was not discussed. Maybe that will happen but I wouldn’t bet on it. Not too soon anyway.

Hopefully he’ll pull out of the NUTBALL phase. We were very close friends for a long time. I helped him through his divorce[1#]. He helped me through getting dumped by my fiance. Lots of history.

It’s sad. He’s a pretty smart guy when he thinks. It’s just that right now he doesn’t think. He just listens to the Preacher and sucks it in. He also brought up a radio show where he gets alot of his info. It sounded like “Art Bell for Religous Nutballs”. I don’t remember the name. I wish I did because it was his cite for every whacked idea he had.


#1. I know I should hit the “divorce is evil” bit(2#) but I just don’t care to argue with him.

#2. Hey, it’s his belief system, not mine.

What happens if he’s right? We’re all going to feel incredibly stupid… but we’ll have out PS2s to comfort us, I suppose.

That would explain how “Rimming 101” made it into the curriculum.**

So…who’ll be running the schools, then? Oh wait – education is a tool of the Devil too…