Another "Roomate From Hell" Rant

The BBQ Pit
1

This rant should be a 2-3 volume set, sorry for the length. Anyhoo…

This getting fucking absurd!

We both know you are uncomfortable living here, and have been trying to help you out. We have asked around the entire damn marching band and all of his friends. I have asked pretty much everyone I know multiple times if they have wanted to move in. In the end, our efforts did not turn up much. In return we have received nothing but slander and libel.

Now I realize too pissed to organize my thoughts so here is an unbearably random list of shit that pisses us off (in a rather pathetic “film noir” like presentation). In no particular order…

This is the most expensive place advertised in the entire paper.
People are looking to save money. You aren’t helping them out.

Your ads THEMSELVES suck a Tibetan mountain goat’s wang!
How about weeding out some of the riff-raff for us, huh? We aren’t going to take a total moron we don’t like. You seem to think any alcoholic, pothead you present before us should be gladly accepted due to your “dire straits.” Guess that is what we get for trying to be nice about things.

Second, we would LOVE to have a young lady come stay with us. (She’d get the master bedroom and her own bath, both of which not listed in the ad.) Not to mention the time saved dealing with phone calls from females uncomfortable with living with two males.

You have TWO fliers
Fucking TWO! Not even THREE! This is a campus with 7 different colleges and over 16,000 undergrads and you have TWO FUCKING FLIERS?!?!?!? And with the copy that was sorely lacking, I find it funny you are SUPPRISED you aren’t getting any calls. Old Josh has had 15-20 signs for TWO MONTHS NOW.

You choose to do nothing to sell the place.
Miracles do happen. Despite your best attempts to keep everyone as far away as possible, you get some responses. Lets go down the list of things you chose to tell them.
Cyberhwk is pretty anti-social. (Kinda true actually, but mostly cause I’m just staying the fuck away from YOU bitch.)
Cyberhwk is not very interesting. (I guess that is your opinion, but everyone in your FAMILY seems to disagree)
Cyberhwk drinks a lot. (Glass of wine at dinner, or daiquiri on weekends = a lot…RIIIIIIIIGHT)
CyberRoommate has wild parties (Movies + 2-3 friends until 1AM on WEEKENDS = Wild Party? My MOTHER was here during one and it didn’t bother her.)
CyberRoommate Drinks Too Much (I’ve never seen him drunk and have lived here for as long as you. And it’s not like YOU never do it, fucking hypocrite.)
CyberRoomate has a bitch for a girlfriend. (FUCK YOU! She is one of the nicest girls I have met in my life and does more to improve this place than anyone who fucking LIVES HERE. As opposed to YOUR guy that put grease stains all over the table that we can’t BLEACH OUT, and puts his muddy shoes on the brand new couch.)

Among the list of totally offensive stuff we done to lead her to move out…

  • Did dishes when dishwasher was only 80% full.
  • Require people take their muddy shoes off as to not destory 2 month old carpet.
  • Make breakfast at 11:30 (woke her up evidently).
  • Watch TV until 11:00
  • Have friends over on WEEKENDS, god for bid.
  • Had the GAULL to turn on the heat when it was 30 degrees outside.
  • Asked BF to wash his hands after changing oil in his truck.
  • Asked him to remove said truck after getting a complaint from the landlord.
  • Asked her to remove freezer burned meat from freezer to make space.

I try my VERY BEST to be a good guy, and for a while you told me that you appreciated it. But I SWEAR TO GOD it is taking every ounce of my being to not flip and make your life a living hell. She starts pulling more shit this place is going to be hell on earth.

You said YOURSELF that couldn’t ever imagine me being an asshole to someone. Good…you don’t want to.

2

Well, from what I picked up, it looks like there’s you, at least one other roommate, plus the subject of the rant.

Seems like you should spearhead the renting campaign yourself, or with the other roommie(s), and don’t stop until you fill the available space, and you’ve replaced the bitch.

3

Yeah, I found the rant a little hard to follow, myself.

But it is a rant, after all.

4

jjtm is right. Don’t depend on this loser to sell her space. Yes, it should really be her job to do it, but you get plenty of benefit by getting her ass out, so it’ll be worth your time.

Cheesesteak (living alone and LOVING it!)

5

Err…why is the bitch looking for a new roommate for you guys if she isn’t going to live with you? I think this is something you should be doing yourselves. Did she promise to find you a new roommate before she moves out? It seems that she isn’t even really trying. Maybe she doesn’t want to move out after all…or maybe she can’t find another apartment, after all, who would want to live with someone like her? Unless she’s gorgeus and walks around the flat naked and…whoops.

6

My guess about why the person who’s leaving is looking for a roommate - this person signed a year’s lease for the apartment and is probably legally responsible for the remaining rent even if he/she leaves.

7

I’ve lived in lots of group houses - including the one I’m currently in - where the person moving out is responsible to find someone new to move in. It’s actually better from the point of view of the move-outer because at least you can be sure of getting your deposit back. Of course, it does require effort on your part, which the OP’s roommate doesn’t seem to be making.

I do sympathise with her having to try to “sell” her roommates to the new person, though. God knows when I move out of here I am going to have to lie through my teeth about one of them …

8

The marching band is just one guy?

9

Semi-correct.

We each sign a lease saying that we will gaurentee our thrid of the rent. In order to get OUT of the lease, we have to terminate the OLD lease and sign a new one. In order to terminate the old lease all three members have to consent to the termination. This would be no problem other than the fact that neither of us can handle a $150 rent increase right now. My roomate lives off of $500 a month and that would raise his rent to $470.

Bryan: Yeah. Sorry about that.

Jeff Olsen: LOL! No, my roomate asked the marching band, and all of my roomate’s friends.

10

Maybe you shouldn’t be so nice. It sounds like you are being a bit too nice. In most of my roomate situations, things worked out best when everyone said exactly what was on their mind and didn’t pussyfoot around.

If boyfriend may ruin carpet by tracking in oil, and doesn’t respond to politeness.

Correct response: Hey Stupid, what the fuck, were you raised by wolves? If you ruin the carpet it’s going to come out of your SO’s damages deposit.

You should inspire her to make a bigger effort to move. Since you guys have no obligation to end the lease to accomodate her, give her incentive to find another roommate.