Another Round Of Horribly Embarrasing (But Funny) Kid Tales

Off we went, The Littlest Briston and I, on our evening trip around our development – I walk, she rides her bike. When we first started this a few weeks ago, she had questions all about everything we see on the way – one of which was “What does that sign say, Daddy?”

“That says ‘DEAF CHILD’, Sweetie. You see, some people can’t hear. You know how you use your ears to listen? Well, some people’s ears don’t work. That sign is letting us know that there’s a little boy or girl who lives near here who can’t hear, so we have to be extra-careful when we drive by”.

She got it, and every once in awhile we’d pass the sign and she’d explain its meaning back to me. Except for today.

Today, as we were going past the house just beyond the sign, a couple were walking to their car with a young boy in tow. TLB immediately hopped off her bike, ran over to them, and excitedly shouted…

"Are you the little boy who doesn’t know how to listen??"Hell of a way to meet the neighbors.

Ok Dopers, whaddya you got?

Ha! That’s funny- as if there are any little boys that do know how to listen.:stuck_out_tongue:
Mine is that the other day I was walking down the street with my 11 year-old son and coming the other way was a black man. My son saw our neighbor’s cat right as we were passing each other, and yelled its name. “Lynch! Lynch!”

Around the same time my son was learning to poop in the potty, I had taken him to a Borders to look at some books. I had to go to the bathroom, so I took him in with me. He came into the stall and I had to, uh, poo. As I was going, someone comes in and goes into the stall next to us. I pooped and my son started clapping and dancing and yelling, “Good job, mommy - you pooped! Yay!” I heard a discreet snicker from the stall next door as we left the bathroom.

My mom and I sit down at a restaurant, waiting for our food to be brought to us. Precocious girl in the booth next to us pops up and says, “Hi! Me and my mom played the quiet game on the way over. And I WON!” :smiley:

My brother and his family (wife, D8 and D6) were in a restaurant eating dinner. They finished their meal and were waiting for the check. D6 stood by the table, impatient to be gone. Suddenly she leaned back, rubbed her hands up and down on her tummy and shouted for all to hear “I’m as full as a tick, daddy!”

Laughter burst out all around the restaurant. Too cute…

Reminds me of the time out pet raccoon was missing…

If my post offended you, this is a weird way to let me know. If you thought this was funny, it’s really not.

Wait, you seriously have signs in your neighborhood that say “Deaf Child”?!? Like a street sign? Can you take a picture of it and post it? That’s rather novel.

Pretty common, actually. I’ve seen them all over the US all my life.

Lots of images found on the net:

And these

Yep – exactly like the second link Qadgop provided, minus the “area”.

No, honestly, our pet raccoon was missing, and my dad went around to our neighbors asking if any of them had seen “our little black coon”. One of the neighbors happened to be black, but fortunately understood what he meant. Embarrassed the hell out of Dad, though…

(Oh, and she did come home eventually.)

Could someone explain the racoons/black people issue for us non-Americans?

“Coon” is a derogatory term for blacks.

Coon is slang for black people here in the UK - though don’t know why…

When my daughter was about four she had just learned the names of the naughty bits. Friday afternoon in the crowded bank she loudly announced, “My Mommy has a penis!” and every eye in the place went to my crotch.

I spent a few bold moments looking pleasant and daring about forty people with my eyes not to laugh. Bless their hearts, we all managed to hold the chuckles in, because if that hadn’t been accomplished I’m guessing it would have happened at school, grocery store, etc., etc.

It occurs that it wouldn’t be nearly as funny today.

You don’t have to be American to know about the ‘coon’ meaning.

I got curious and looked up the etymology for “coon.” It seems it is a shortened version of barracoon.

My son has done the poop-cheerleader thing too. But in terms of MOST embarrassing:

Our word for little boy private parts when my son was a toddler was “wenis”. And my son went through crazy burgeoning- imagination phase where he was blaming things on other kids, like “so-and-so ate my cookie”, when it was just the two of us at home.

So, we went on vacation to the beach with my boyfriend and his daughter Kayla. We get home and I notice his little boy part is incredibly puffy and irritated. In case it was a jellyfish sting or something, I asked him did anything bite him, etc etc. He says no and it’s not causing him much pain- but a day later, it was still looking bad so I took him to the urgent care. The doctor is examining him and he looks at her with the most serious expression and says "Kayla bit my wenis…" :eek:

My kid dropped a duece in the sandbox at a Joe’s Crab Shack.

I think I need clarification, here…

Your boyfriends (presumably young) daughter bit your (presumably young) sons penis? Is there a story here?
As for my contribution: My little cousin was probably like 4, 5 or 6, and we’re staying in a hotel (visiting my grandparents, and she loves the pool, so she stayed with us despite living in the area) and we’re eating breakfast. She tears through the reception area screaming at the top of her lungs “THERE’S A COON AFTER ME, THERE’S A COON AFTER ME!”

Apparently, a raccoon had decided to come out and play, and being the well educated country girl she was (and is) she knew to run away and tell an adult… I just wish she’d have included “rac”. :dubious: