Teeth, no enthusiasm, no rhythm. No thanks. I’d rather spend my time eating at the “Y” than any of the preceeding. But a rhythmic, enthusiastic careful with the teeth BJ is a work of Art. 
Chewing, chomping, bad.
Orthodontia, don’t even wanna talk about that.
This is utterly fascinating. Carry on, gents, carry on.
This is a riot… I’ll never think of an interview in the same way again 
Worst one I ever had, the girl had cotton mouth. No saliva at all. It was actually painful, and I uttered the two words I never thought I would ever speak while getting head: “Please stop!”
It’s fascinating how the meaning of this sentence changes depending on what pronoun is missing.
I’m speaking from a reprensentative sample of one, but I gotta say tweren’t bad at all
I can’t imagine, short of inflicting unwanted pain, a truly bad blowjob. So long as there’s some enthusiasm and a desire to learn, good can always turn into great.
Sure there is. The kind that doesn’t work. I’d go into detail, but I’m pretty sure Veb doesn’t entirely need to know about it. Call me a prude, whatever, I like to keep the mods on my side when it doesn’t inconvenience me:D
For the record, it should have been:
Unfortunately, sometimes the excited anticipation before Christmas Morning actually starts are better than experiencing Christmas Morning itself.
But you never decide to pass on Christmas just because last year’s was a disappointment. Unless of course there was bloodshed.
I have had a bad BJ. Fairly recently, actually.
The blow-er was the sort of individual who could suck the chrome off a bumper, but that was the extent of their talent. No rhythm, no style, just lots and lots of suck and the occasional tooth drag. They sucked so hard, I was **bruised! ** And worse, it wound up being a blow interview as I eventually had to cry out no mas!
I was blotchy for about a week. :mad:
Looking over at the smilies menu, it appears we even have one for BJs. :o And, if it’s heavily or strangely pierced, there’s :eek:
A decent amount of girls think that since guys are so “rough” they should treat their penises as such. Wrong.
Keys to the best blowjobs of a man’s life:
Attention to detail: the lightest lick on the tip, or the faintest tickle of the balls can make all the difference.
Sensuality: A BJ should be like a love-making experience. There should be plenty of slow, tongue involved strokes, followed by the occasional deep throat.
Take some time: the glans (just under the head) is quite sensitive to the occasional lick or two.
General technique: The more tongue contact, the better. The slower, the better. The more involved a woman is, the more she’s likely to get a house bought for her.
Some guy like the hand thing, myself not included. Experiment as you see fit.
Swallowing is essential. It makes the experience exponentially greater. Spitting is almost like a guy eating at the Y and saying “I’ll never eat fish again!”
Good head is a woman’s advantage. Master it, and the world is yours.
way, way too much TMI.
Just the other week, my girlfriend was getting down to business. We had had a good dinner, some wine, and things were going great.
Long story short- she got too vigorous, gagged, and threw up all over me. And the puke was purple from the wine.
I don’t think I’ve had an erection since.
Yes, there is such a thing as a bad blow-job. To this day, I’m not sure whether he didn’t know how to stop scraping me, didn’t care, or just had a preternaturally small mouth. (And I’m… you know… in the large half of average, but certainly no porn star.)
Dear Lord … Why oh why did I keep reading? :eek: :smack:
Of the half-dozen or so BJs I’ve had in my life thus far, 2 of them were actively bad, and 2 of them were lackluster to the point where I began to wonder if there was anything worth watching on TV instead.
The 2 that were actively bad shared a common trait: the girls had a metal tongue ring and decided to bludgeon my penis into submission instead of wooing it delicately.
Basically, they were ignorant of the wise advice dnooman gave above.
I, er, snipped the rest so folks who don’t want to read that twice don’t hafta.
You must be such a hit at parties. “So what’s the worst blowjob you ever got?”
Freejooky responds quietly: “She puked.”
Someone speaks up: "She … puked? Did I head that right?
Freejooky merely nods.
Same person speaks up: “Not on you, though, right? Cuz that would totally blow - I mean, that would suck - oh hell. That would blow chunks.” Person sits down and shuts up, face completely red.
SILENCE
CRICKETS
NERVOUS COUGH
“So, er, who wants to play twister?”
Bad BJ? Sure, one that’s unfinished. There’s even a technical term for it: Suckus Interruptus. :o
Yes, Virgina, there is such a thing as a bad blowjob.
In addition to the afformentioned teeth and “appliances,” I’ll add that “uncreative” BJs (the blower has no technique beyond moving his/her head back and forth) are rather disappointing. You’ve got a tongue for a reason – use it…
Some how in all of this there is a Cosmo article waiting to be written.
- Feed 'em. Fck 'em. Suck 'em. Make them your Slave!