The Maynards and Maynardettes I’ve known would, in that case, seamlessly turn to the next nearest person and continue jabbering without a moment’s break.
And I’d feel sorry for that person, but when you’re exposed to a Maynard[ette] with no brain-mouth filter nor concept of “inner dialogue,” it’s sauve qui peut if you want to maintain your sanity.
I agree. A group of us would go out for dinner once a week. The more the merrier, for many it was their only adult outing for the week. The first week our Maynard came … well, bloody hell … she managed to override ALL conversation (there’s usually be two or three topics being bandied about). The next week I decided to throw in catch phrases for her to hang on. She covered “anal bleaching” like a star! It seemed a couple of words on a subject and she’d be off. I stopped going if I thought she was going to be there. She just didn’t get the balance of shutting up and letting others speak.
Not after this Maynard, is it?
MyMaynard™ is my coworker who never misses an opportunity to jump into a conversation and take it over. When the second shift guy comes in and I’m filling him in what’s going on, MyMaynard™ will interrupt and steer the conversation into his topic of interest at the moment. When we were introduced to the new regional manager, I barely got in a hello and welcome before MyMaynard™ started blabbering away and I never got another word in. MyMaynard™ will pick up on some mental conversation he was having with himself when he walks into a room and will continue to talk to me if I walk out of the room. I’d like to tell him to just STFU, but I’d probably get written up for creating a toxic environment in the office or something.
I play the Eagles tune Learn to be still real loud in the background, in a continuous loop.
Thanks for all the replies.
Personally, I’m liking the tennis ball remedy, but I’m guessing that wouldn’t do much for the continuity of the friendship. As far as talking with the wife - I’m pretty sure she’s well aware of his talking. Hell, more than once she’s rolled her eyes and said “Maynard, shut up!” while we were there, not in a mean way but in an exasperated, “can you believe I live with this?” kind of way.
I also like the putting your hand on his shoulder idea. I might try that at some point.
Unfortunately, I ultimately think that everyone who said “there’s nothing you can do” is correct. Even if somebody were to take him aside and say something to him, I don’t think it would stick. I think he’d take it well, I don’t think it would hurt the friendship, I just don’t think it would do any good.
And honestly, the guy is just so sincere and really stupidly nice that we all just let him get away with it. It’s not like he’s someone we genuinely don’t like and wish we could get away from; he’s great. He just talks WAY too much.
Well, indeed, the message being sent is “I don’t like talking to you,” which happens to actually be true. I guess if you *wanted *to talk to the person but didn’t want them dominating the conversation you’d just have to interrupt.
Carry a folded up 5"x8" index card with the words “Stop Now” printed as large as will fit.
Deploy as needed.
Heh. I designed a business card once that said in a very elegant script, “Please, STFU.”
I found that moving two time zones away did the trick.
Or maybe use the Brazilian churrascaria method: a reversible card with
SIM, POR FAVOR
on one side, and
NÃO, OBRIGADO
on the other.
Maynards drive me crazy. I have some issues in face to face conversations that - despite my otherwise feisty personality - mean I have extreme difficulty forcing myself to interrupt people. I once got so frustrated with a local Maynard who I occasionally spoke to at flea markets that I snapped a pen in half with one hand.
I mean, he got up from his own damn table at the flea market to follow me around and keep talking at me, Jesus Christ! I could not escape.
I have 3 suggestions
When he goes on and on Bad Maynard!
When he begins to speak, put out an hourglass, (5 minute size) When the sand runs out, STFU.
When he begins to speak, start up a stopwatch, when he stops, announce the time. Good job Maynard, 25 straight minutes! Have a beverage, you must be parched.
There was a Maynard at my gym not long ago— not talking to me, but chewing the ear off someone working out near me which was almost as bad. I’m pretty sure the guy being aurally assaulted didn’t know him and just made the mistake of engaging him in chit-chat which turned into a good 30 minutes of Gym Maynard following him from bench to bench yammering on about his routine, his supplements of choice, etc. while the other guy could only get out an occasional “uh huh.”
Then there was the neighbor, a Chinese woman-- Mai Na, let’s say-- who would walk up to my wife and me when we sat on our front porch and blab endlessly in heavily broken English that was about 95% incomprehensible. After the second time, if we saw her even wave at us from across the street we’d wave back and then flee indoors.
Why are there so many Maynards? What the hell is wrong with people?
I’m a talker and I had been told before that I probably talk a bit too much. I learned to curb it somewhat, but then I met my own Maynard.
He was a long distance truck driver, and my thought was he probably had all this unresolved chat energy. He was a good friend of a guy I was dating, and we arranged to go skiing during the week occasionally when we both had days off.
One day he phoned me and I mentioned I was making pancakes for myself and my 2 year old son. “Oh I would have come in person if I had known” he joked, but I told him “Why not, the more the merrier.” He claimed this was just a short call and he wouldn’t dream of driving 15 minutes to come for a late brunch and bothering me.
Well he talked, and I made the pancakes. I cooked them, (about 4 dozen, because I freeze batches at a time and bring them to work, give them out for snacks etc) I fed my 2 year old, and I ate my plate full, occasionally gainsaying a word here or there, but mostly listening. I then washed the dishes and was in the process of putting the mixing bowl on the shelf above the sink (I did all this with one hand on the cordless phone, one hand doing my work) and being “done” when he said “well I should let you go if you are cooking breakfast”
Mixed, cooked, fried, fed, ate, and washed up after. Mean while my son was happily playing nearby with his mixing bowl and spoon, building with his blocks, colouring at his colouring station and was getting ready for his nap. I did interrupt occasionally to tend to the baby, but Maynard was still pretty oblivious.
At the time I was only working casual/on call and was mostly home with a two year old. I guess I didn’t mind some adult conversation, but that was the last time I let him ramble without having a built in dodge and speaking up once in a while.
It also made me more conscious of “the mouth overrunneth” and I really try not to hold forth as much.
Long ago I knew a guy who would talk and talk and talk, but he at least allowed me to get the occasional full sentence in. Fortunately, we lived a fair bit apart, I was out in the country, and 95% of our conversations were over the phone.
The only problem was in ENDING the call. I would repeatedly tell him that I had to go. He’d just say OK and keep going. It took me, a young dumb kid at the time, quite a while to learn to just say “I have to go, talk to you later” and HANG UP.
That … is brilliant. I’m hard put to think of a conversational problem that that technique wouldn’t solve.
I have an aunt that goes on and on and on, and we just visited her when another aunt who is just as enthusiastic a talker was there. I found that it was rather relaxing, not having to contribute to the conversation.
One way to deal with this problem is to throw a spanner in Maynard’s mental machinery by saying things that the brain cannot process successfully.
“What is it you’re not talking about right now?”
“Can you tell me again but in red?”
“Please don’t carry on but continue stopping.”
“Do you think Canada is taller than aromas?”
“Can you say that again but by listening?”
This kind of thing is known in some circles as a logical disconnect. It can be very effective.
That’s precisely how my sil deals with my brother when he’s getting all Maynard-y. He’s normally fine to talk to, but sometimes he gets all aerated and will hold forth until you’re ready to gnaw your own leg off. Glazed looks, glances at your watch, comments like “Oh, that’s so very interesting” in your best Ben Stein hellish-nightmare-of-death-and-destruction voice, and conversational tidbits such as “OMG, the neighbor’s dog was just carried off by a giant tsetse fly!!!” are useless in getting him to hush.
So my sil just tells him to shut up. In those exact words. She says it in the kindest, most loving way possible, but she literally says “Oh Maynard, shut up.” It’s really quite effective, and I think she’s done it to him enough times now that a lot of the time she can just give him The Look instead of having to say anything.
My sister, who tends to run on (she’s a doc, and thinks it might be a side effect of one of her medications), responds well to me saying, “Okay, I’m gonna talk now,” said bluntly but with love :).