By Cristi
I have Ed Zotti on my AOL buddy list. Coincidentally, Ed Zotti was online at the exact same time Cecil Adams was posting. Not so unusual, since many, many people could have also been online at the same time. But within moments of Cecil’s post, Mr. Zotti signed off. Veeeery interesting.
And that means that if Ed Zotti is Cecil Adams, I just told Cecil Adams all my most intimate, personal orgasm secrets. No wonder he welcomed me by saying “nice to have you”! 
Aha oh dude! you must feel like you’re trying to catch smoke, keep goig man it just * has* to happen.
It figures. I beg Cecil in January to come post in MPSIMS and I get ignored. I supposed it’s because I didn’t start a bunch of threads in here addressed to him, huh? But I’m not bitter. No, not at all.
Anyway, I’m building shrines in my living room for all those who were welcomed by Cecil, right next to my Ukulele Ike shrine. Please let me know what type of sacrifices you would like performed at yours, if you have a preference.
Shit, piss, fuck, hell, damn, and blast!!! Now why did I pass up posting to this thread before? Aaaaaargh!
Are you willing to do human sacrifices? I do have someone in mind, if that’s not a problem. No, it’s no one on this board!
If not, maybe you could just float some fresh flowers in a bowl of water, and light a nice patchouli-scented candle for me. That would be nice. 
I’m afraid the Puppy Killing thing raised the ante too high. You did notice that shortly after aha opened that thread, Cecil welcomed a lot of people besides aha.
I think he’s going to have to really work at it now. I do think he is on the right track with the bribery thread. I’ve noticed that Cece doesn’t mind a bribe from time to time.
Jim
Kat:
Know where any virgins might be?
Nothing like the spammers, err I mean regulars, begging for attention like a bunch of naughty puppies. I always took this as being very very sarcastic:
Advertise on the online Straight Dope! Your direct line to thousands of the smartest, hippest people on the planet
well, that’s what i get for posting rarely…
Cristi - No, no human sacrifices, sorry. I could do a symbolic one by burning the intended in effigy at your altar, though.
aha - I didn’t see your name in Cecil’s Welcome. No shrine until the actual Welcome occurs.
::sniffle:: I read about this bet in Threadspotting and I registered just to join in, but I guess I was too late. I tried to register last week, but for some reason it told me my email address was invalid (which, by the way, I find very offensive. Perhaps my email address has chosen an alternative, but equally valid, lifestyle). But anyway, I’m here now and I would like to retroactively welcome aha, just to avoid any potential puppy unpleasantness.
See you all around.
Garden Elf (cousin to Lawn Gnome)
Kat: That’ll work. Thanks!
Welcome Garden Elf! Sorry you missed out on all the fun . . .
Kat, you don’t have to sacrifice anything at my alter–just as long as fire is involved, I’m happy.
Thanks Garden elf and welcome to the straight dope message board. I hope you stay with us for a while.
No puppies were hurt…all in good fun ya know.
Shayna said:
Oh, great, we have Phaedrus number two here – trying to use timing to determine who’s who. (OK, I admit, that’s a really low blow. Sorry.)
FYI – you can turn IM on and off. I’m online right now and my IM is off. Doesn’t mean I’m not here – just that I don’t want to be bothered right now. If Ed saw Cecil’s message, he may have decided he didn’t want to be bothered with a bunch of people IMing him about it! Or he may have just had to go do something else. Who knows? < shrug >
Er, maybe we have a different reason that Ed signed off…
Well, maybe.
(I was wondering how long it would take for one of the SD “plumbers” to get here. :))
Got it. Bowl of holy flames at AmyJohn’s shrine.
Wally said:
Interesting term. Is it 'cus we have to deal with all the s**t that goes thru the pipes around here?
David, take a chill. It was a joke, man. I was trying to create a link between telling Ed my orgasm secrets and having been welcomed as I was by Cecil. Get it?
Sheesh. What did I ever do to you to deserve such wrath? ::Looking around:: I didn’t think we were in The Pit here.
Didn’t you see that I’m trying to quit smoking? Didn’t anyone ever teach you to be nice to broads that could turn bitchy on a dime?
Wally, could you direct this guy to where he can go buy a sense of humor, please?
David, I didn’t think Shayna would come back to this thread, so I didn’t warn you.
It’s not generally a good idea to mess with a woman in the throes of nicotine withdrawl.
Here’s a tip: Everything you say is wrong.
You’re on your own.