Come to think of it, it wasn’t Cowboy Bob Orton I saw. It was Cowboy Bobby Duncam.
I had the chance to see Cowboy Bob Orton Jr. and Roddy Piper team at the mecca of professional wrestling, Madison Square Garden.
Pretty good show. I like the way it created a controversial outcome for the wimmen’s division with Carmellsworth, so there will be more story arc. Carmella will be doing teaser cash-ins. Men’s ladder match had some great spots, especially with Ziggler taking that sick bump off the ladder. At least ND didn’t take the belts right away, and that feud with the Ooses can extend.
Huh, I came in to say that I’m glad I missed the women’s match, because that kind of stupid ‘controversy’ kind of pissed all over the first women’s MitB ladder match.
I thought the good aspects of the show were really good (Usos/New Day, Orton/Ginger) and the bad aspects of the show were really bad (Both MiTB matches, Naomi/Lana). In order, from what I can remember:
Women’s MiTB: Like my joke said, it’s the revolutionary women’s match…that the man wins. Frankly, if I would have written a predictions post (I should get back to that…) all my predictions/worries came true. I was concerned over the match because, other than Charlotte and Nattie, none of the women can do ladders. So, despite the kind of match it is, I figured the ladders would amount to precisely nothing. And I was right. I also would have said I predicted Carmella to win because of Ellsworth. I honestly don’t mind him interfereing, but he shouldn’t have grabbed the case.
Tag Match: A highly physical match that impressed me from the getgo. I’m quite surprised Kofi isn’t dead at this point. I don’t want the New Day to win the belts, but I’m ok with this feud continuing. I liked the countout finish because the Usos just said “screw it, I wanna go home” versus something dumber and schmozier.
**
Naomi/Lana**: If I would have done a predictions, I would have said Naomi wins and Carmella cashes in. I was almost right. This match was whatever to me. I think Naomi is great (if not a little overrated) and Lana doesn’t, and never has done, anything for me. This marks the second time I’ve seen her wrestle, so I’ll hold off on judging too quickly.
The Ginge/Orton : A decent-if-not-good match between these guys. The fact it wasn’t stellar will probably be blamed on Jinder by the smarks, but he’s done a perfectly fine job of being a heel champion these past few months. He’s honestly only gotten better. Orton is boring and safe and won’t wow anyone either, so when you have two boring guys in the ring, you’ll get a match just like you had. I wasn’t a fan of the ending too much, but I didn’t hate it either.
**
Men’s MiTB:** I was very curious as to how they would handle Nakamura through all this because the Japanese aren’t known for gimmick matches. Well they answered that pretty quickly with removing him from 90% of the damn match. I fully understand that not every superstar can do ladder matches, so I don’t expect them to. But why even make a ladder match if they can’t do it? They did their best to hide him and let the ladder vets (Zigs, KO and Sami) to do the high spots. But even if you really wanted him there, you couldn’t protect him still? You’re telling me he can’t jump from the ladder and pretend to his his face in the ropes? Or take one of those stupid looking stomach shots? Oh well, regardless, the right person won at the end of the day. My bet is to have him hold on to the briefcase until some face upsets Mahal and Corbin will end ip losing.
Ladder matches are more fun when you provide a narrative in MST3K fashion. For ex, whenever one guy knocks another guy out of the ring with a ladder, then crawls over to the big ladder, the over-dramatic narrative goes something like this:
Must… make sure… ladder is steady… must drag myself… to first rung… despite crippling amounts of pain I’m enduring… second rung is so far away… must… use… fingertips… cannot move legs… because I’m in tremendous amounts of pain and nearly exhausted…
Aaah, finally reached top rung… must grab briefcase… No! What’s this? It’s not coming down! I’ve been tricked! How is this possible? Almost as if there’s a hook somewhere… must find hook… found it… must remember how to operate hook… maybe if I grab top of hook… No! Someone’s grabbing my pants leg! Must kick them off since the incremental weight is just enough to prevent me from pushing in the hook clasp!
There, done. Must now focus 100% on hook and let nothing distract me… No! The ladder’s being pushed over and I’m paralyzed with fright! Noooo! Somehow my throat landed across the top rope and I’m bouncing to my dooooommmm…
Some good stuff, mostly an embarrassment. It’s not simply too much scripting and choreography, it’s bad scripting and choreography and it’s apparent throughout the matches.
I can’t believe a New Day match was the highlight of the show.
Don’t know what you guys think of Nakamura but I think he sucks. Can’t wrestle, he looks stupid, and his opening is stupid. A trained monkey could do his shtick, and do it better. If audiences like this kind of thing then fine, I’m glad they’re happy, but it’s ruining wrestling for me.
I think Nakamura is another example of what works in NXT doesn’t work in the main roster, like Ascension and American Alpha.
By the same token, Carmella and Elias Samson were kind of “eh” in NXT but seem to being a lot better in prime time.
I wouldn’t sell the farm on Nakamura just yet. He hasn’t really had much of a chance to shine on the big stage, and I think he needs a good, solid 20 minutes to work with someone else competent and he will look good.
Although he could stand to expand his moveset to beyond “all knees all the time”
Hey, I hope Nakamura becomes the next John Cena, but watching him in Prime Time just isn’t as exciting an experience as it is in NXT for me. It’s like discovering that really cool band that nobody’s ever heard of when they played in front of 50 people, then they got famous and now play in front of tens of thousands and kind of suck.
I have only one thing to add to the reviews of MITB;
I absolutely love the Kanellis’ theme music, and would eagerly hold my lighter up in the air for it if I had one. Not since the last days of ‘80s hair metal have we had a love ballad so rockin’.
I have a feeling they never intended to give the briefcase to Carmella, and this whole thing is setting up something - for example, there will be either a fatal five-way or a battle royale tonight to determine who gets the briefcase, and Ellsworth somehow costs Carmella the match (e.g. in a battle royale, the last two are Carmella and Charlotte; Carmella throws Charlotte out, but she lands on Ellsworth’s shoulders, so her feet never touch the floor, and she gets back in and throws Carmella out for the win).
I was going to suggest that they then move Enzo from Raw, now that he has split with Cass, and team him and Carmella back up, but isn’t Enzo a face and Carmella a heel?
Anybody going to watch GLOW on Netflix? It looks like it will produce a few guffaws.
I remember the actual GLOW from the 80’s, and it was high on costumes and personalities, not so much actual ring talent, but it was ammunition to kill an hour, at least. It was like an SNL parody of ladies wrestling. Kinda campy, but fun.
I guess I understand wanting to attract eyeballs to the next smackdown, so having (the first ever?) MITB on FreeTV is a good idea, but it’s such a stupid way of going about it.
Sigh…so clearly Carmella isn’t winning. Hopefully Nattie then?
DBD didn’t say that Ellsworth would be barred from ringside or anything. It’s a good thing he took the briefcase, because Carmella could cash in during the Naomi/Lana match *before *the ladder match.
Answer: have Ellsworth steal it. DUH!
Interesting aside: in the Ride Along episode with Ellsworth and DBD, Ell said that he was friends with Gillberg. He was the janitor at the grade school he went to and got him interested in wrestling. No wonder the two resemble each other.
ROH has a pretty solid card for their PPV this Friday;
World Championship: Christopher Daniels © vs. Cody Rhodes
TV Championship: KUSHIDA © vs. Marty Scurll
Tag Championship: The Young Bucks © vs. War Machine
Trios Championship: The Briscoes & Bubba Ray Dudley © vs. Dalton Castle & the Boys
- Jay Lethal vs. Silas Young
- The Kingdom vs. Ultimo Guerrero & El Terrible
- Frankie Kazarian vs. Hangman Page (strap match)
- Search & Destroy vs. the Rebellion (losing team must disband)
I have the night off, so I’ll probably check it out.
More Russo/Cornette drama! Russo files restraining order! Cornette’s next podcast writes itself!
Is Christopher Daniels the old dude who’s had the title for a while? I remember he won it shortly before 'Mania, which means he’s had the belt for a while now
Just saw the trailer. GLOW was a great wrestling show without any good wrestling. Except The Housewives, great act even without the wrestling. Netflix has a documentary on GLOW also. Fun to watch. Many of the girls gave it a good shot but it looked more like an indy wrestling school show. Mt. Fuji took it very seriously, too bad it didn’t work out for her in the end. I don’t know what to expect out of the series but I’ll watch. Seems like they want to make something more of it than it was.
Also, at that point in time big-time wrestling was pretty lame, GLOW as a parody fit in to the era well.
*BAHWAHAAANNN
BAAAANNNHHH*
In this episode, Mascarita Sagrada and Marty “The Moth” Martinez are the true stars.
Fenix arrives at the Temple in a sports car, is greeted by ring announcer Melissa Santos. Apparently they got a little somethin’ somethin’ going on. She tells him she’s picked him to win the Cueto Cup tournament, and he replies he will win it for her. Marty The Moth watches from a nearby warehouse window and puts his head through one of the window panes.
Battle of the Weird versus the Demented - Saltador vs Marty “The Moth” Martinez
As Melissa Santos introduces Marty, he flaps his arms in lepidopteran fashion and leers at her delicious neck. Saltador comes to the ring wearing a checkerboard pattern body suit. No warning that he could produce epileptic seizures.
Saltador does some wobbly dance moves and seemingly hypnotizes Marty. Marty seems to be enjoying the kaleidoscope effect. Saltador plays little tricks on the Moth and ties him up in his own limbs. This causes Marty to crack and he goes into unhinged psycho mode. After stomping a mudhole in the checkered combatant, Marty throws him into the grating and glares at Melissa with lascivious intent. She sells disgust. Marty wins.
Later, Marty is back in his sanctum. The camera does a slow reveal of all the pictures of Melissa he has taped to the wall, along with circles and arrows and a descriptive paragraph on the back of each one. Sister Mariposa walks in on him and asks him “What would our father think?” She tells him she’s going to defeat Fenix, then face Marty in the next bracket and basically burn his wings off. After she departs, Marty reaches into the front of his trunks and pulls out a picture of Melissa he presumably had attached to his JUNK. He then licks the picture in erotic fashion. Marty needs to be more famous.
Another vignette of the eventual Ray Mysterio Jr. vs Johnny Mundo match — Ray again is tauted as a godlike figure among luchas, while Mundo is shown getting beaten with kendo sticks and no-selling the effects. Mundo is determined to counter any of of Mysterio’s offensive maneuvers.
The ever self-resurrecting vs the brutal butterfly — Fenix vs Mariposa
Fenix shows some cockiness by rapidly countering any move Mariposa tries on him, and eventually falls victim to his own hubris when Mariposa lays the beatdown. Brother Marty eventually does a run-in, but his effort backfires and leads to his sister getting pinned. Fenix then does a twisty splash on them outside the ring. Melissa alternates between puppy love for Fenix and revulsion for Marty, but Marty thinks she’s just playing hard-to-get. Fenix will face Marty in the next bracket. Can’t wait for this one!
As Mascarita is preparing for his match, Paul London and Mala Suerte (formerly Mr. Cisco) approach and genuflect before him. Mascarita looks puzzled and says “No no no no no.” London tells him he is their god and knows the true path, for they have entered the rabbit hole and got lost. Mascarita blows them off and walks between them on his way to the ring, seemingly without making physical contact. London remarks that Mascarita does indeed know the true path and other woo.
The Rabbit god vs the Stegosaurus - Mascarita Sagrada vs Pindar w/Kobra Moon
I think this is the best match I’ve ever seen in Lucha Underground period. It started off as the standard big man being mean to the little person match, but Mascarita eventually got wound up and started defying gravity. He does this awesome series of moves where he flips his opponent out of the ring with a Hurricanrana, then does a flying splash as the opponent reels. Mascarita doesn’t just leap out of the ring — he spreads his arms and legs like Spider-man. Pindar has been a longtime luchador as Steve Pain in a previous life, so he knows exactly how to accommodate Mascarita’s moveset. At one point, they did a 30-second spin that incorporated about a zillion lucha moves all at once. I marked out big time. Kobra Moon broke in to interfere, but Mas harricarana’ed her out on her sorry ophidian ass. Pindar got the win however, but this match deserved a standing ovation.
The Machine vs the Pizza chef - Cage vs Vinny Massaro
Cage looks like Hercules with a mohawk, and Vinny is a greaseball Italian stereotype, with no muscle tone, wearing a wifebeater. It’s obvious who the winner of this match will be, but it turned out to be pretty good. As Matt & Vampiro were making Mario Brothers jokes, Vinny was actually evading Cage’s brutal attacks and getting the better of him. Eventually, he picked up Cage’s gauntlet, which enraged the Machine to no end. He went on to squash Vinny like a bug, then put on his Gauntlet of Death and smacked Vinny in the forehead repeatedly, causing his face to be covered in the Crimson Mask.
*BAHWAHAAANNN
BAAAANNNHHH*