What do you do to an elephant with three balls?
Walk him and pitch to the rhino.
[QUOTE=Zsa Zsa Gabor]
Men are like campfires; if you don’t keep an eye on them, they’ll go out on you!
[/QUOTE]
mc
Q1: What’s purple and eats people?
A1: A purple people eater.
Q2: What do you call a Vatican usher?
A2: A papal people seater.
I guy is getting ready for a trip to Boston. Several friends tell him, “When you get there you have to try the local fish specialty called scrod.”
The guy gets off the airplane in Boston, gets in a cab, and asks the cabbie, “Do you know where I can get scrod around here?”
The cabbie replies, “I’ve heard that question asked many different ways before, but never in the pluperfect subjunctive.”
This joke always reminds me of Hot Shots! (or is it part deux?)
Jeffrey Dahmer looks over at Lorena Bobbitt and says “are you going to eat that?”
As seen on TV.
Q: How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. . . . Don’t ask me how they get in there.
Knock knock
Who’s there?
To.
To who?
No, to whom.
It reminds me of Lifeguard. And you walk the elephant to get to the giraffe.
Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Interrupting Cow.
Interrupting C-
MOO!
This one’s visual at the end:
A policeman in Rome stops a teenager on a scooter for speeding. “What’s the hurry?” he says.
“Please,” the kid asks, “I must deliver this pizza to the Pope in Vatican City!”
The cop thinks briefly. “All right. But the next time I see you, you have to give me half of whatever he tips you.” The kid speeds off.
The following week, the cop sees the delivery boy again. “Hey! Where’s my half of the tip?”
The kid says, “Oh, right.” (Put your palm sideways, hand at head level, move your hand through the air down to stomach level. As in, the first half of a sign-of-the-cross blessing.)
I’m fairly certain I’ve posted this here before, but that’s never stopped me in the past, so …
Two muffins are sitting in an oven.
The first muffin says, “Is it getting warm in here to you?”
The second muffin jumps back and says “Holy crap! A talking muffin!”
Two fish in a tank. One says to the other: “How do you drive this thing?”
Q: Why did the Siamese twins move to London?
A: So the other one could drive.
A zookeeper comes in to work one day, and she sees the orangutan with a Bible in one hand, and On the Origin of Species in the other.
She says, “Why those two books?”
The orang says, “I wanted to know if I was my brother’s keeper or my keeper’s brother.”
Who led the Pedant’s Revolt?
Which Tyler!
There are 10 kinds of people in the world, those that understand binary and those that don’t.
Q: Why was Heisenberg such a bad lover?
A: When he had the momentum, he couldn’t find the position; and when he found the position, he couldn’t muster up the momentum.
And those who never expect a joke in Base 3.
After years of poor dental hygiene, the butler finally had to have all his teeth pulled. Now he’s an indentured servant.