My fave, which I learned here:
Q: What does the middle B in Benoit B Mandelbrot stand for?
A: Benoit B Mandelbrot
There are two kinds of people in the world, those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.
Anybody got a clever joke?
I do.
Two birds on a perch. One says to the other: “Do you smell fish?”
Q: What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A: A fsh.
Hah! Took me a few seconds to get that one…
Q: How do you know you’re dealing with the physics mafia?
A: They make you an offer you can’t understand.
Q: How do you know you’re dealing with the quantum physics mafia?
A: You find a horse on your bed that’s both dead and alive.
Oxygen and potassium went on a date.
It went OK.
Sort of on-topic, because it is a joke: try googling recursion
What’s worse, ignorance or indifference?
I don’t know and I don’t care.
Three statisticians are out hunting. Suddenly a rabbit leaps out of a bush and starts running in front of them.
The first statistician raises his gun, fires, and overshoots it.
The second statistician raises his gun, fires, and undershoots it.
The third statistician says, “We got him!”
“What do we want?”
“TIME TRAVEL!”
“When do we want it?”
“IRRELEVANT!”
Hear that one as:
What’s the difference between ignorance, apathy, and ambivalence? I don’t know and I don’t care, one way or the other.
Ha! That’s a good one,** Malleus, Incus, Stapes!.**
My friend has a trophy wife, but not first place
Steven Wright
My father used to tell me that joke, may God rest his soul. Going back 50 years now.
I ran into a friend of mine who was recently married, and asked, “how’s it going?”
“Not so good, she’s cut me back to twice a week.”
“Oh, that’s nothing,” I replied. “There’s a couple of guys she’s cut out altogether.”
Q: What’s an anagram of Banach-Tarski?
A: Banach-Tarski Banach-Tarski
Q. What do you have if you have a deer with no eyes?
A. You got no-eye deer.
Q. What do you have if the deer with no eyes dies?
A. Still no-eye deer.
Today, I had a few extra minutes, so I taught my kids how to write limericks. At the end, I showed them my favorite series:
There once was a man from Barfour
Whose limericks stopped at line four.
The poems were fine
Until the fifth line
…
I once knew a girl from Dundee
Whose limericks stopped at line three.
And never did finish
…
There was an old man from Peru
Whose limericks stopped at line two
…
A silly young lass from Verdun
…
[There’s one more in the series, but all I remember is that it’s about Emperor Nero]
Q. What do you call a female hog?
A. A sow.
Q. What do you call a male deer?
A. A buck.
Q. What do you call 50 female hogs and 50 male deer?
A. A hundred sows and bucks.
Q. What do you get if you cross an elephant and a rhinoceros?
A. Elefino.
Up till now, the Mandelbrot joke was the nerdiest one I knew.
Hail the new King.
What is a pirate’s favorite letter?
Ye would think, but no,…his heart belongs to the “C.”