Wow… you’re a professional Meat/Ham Count
Incrementing Statistician!
I’m yet another Business Analyst.
Since most people have no friggin’ clue what that means (including family and any friends I haven’t met on the job) and since the job title is about as bloody generic as they come, I usually just explain that I help IT and the rest of the company communicate with each other.
It’s not the most accurate explanation (and in fact, it’s probably what I spend the least of my time actually doing), but the alternative is explaining that between waking up and going to bed each day, I usually play a combination of technical writer/facilitator/systems tester/data entry clerk/process designer/trainer/presenter/spreadsheet guru/coffee fetcher… and more.
On the bright side, since the project I’m currently working on has involved just about every single work group within my MotherCorp, I’ve actually learned a lot about those obscure hybrid jobs that exist only in corporate-land. It’s kinda neat. 
My job title is Lead Auditor. Actually, I mostly do ISO 9001 audits. I do audits to some other standards, too, but it’s 95% ISO 9001.
If you know what ISO 9001 is you instantly know what I do. If you don’t, it takes explaining. It’s not a case of people being stupid or ignorant - it’s just a really unusual service that not very many people (relatively speaking) do, and it doesn’t involve creating or working with a tangible product.
I’m a welding manufacturing engineer at a company that designs, markets, sells, and manufactures automobiles. I usually just say “robots” even though that’s a tiny, little, itty-bitty part of my responsibilities.
My Favorite Post Of The Day.
“I’m a mechanical designer. I design subsea oil and gas production equipment.”
“Oh, you’re an engineer!”
“No, I’m a designer. I use 3D software to create models of equipment, and make drawings from the models for the manufacturing department to produce.”
:: eyes glaze over ::
I trade stocks for a living at a trading firm. Most people assume I’m a broker or have some hot tips for them. Given that the stock market imploded, many people have a hard time understanding how I made money last year. When I try to explain that I don’t necessarily take directional positions in stocks, but rather make markets, trade spreads, or other types of arbitrage, their eyes glaze over. If I really don’t want to go into detail, I’ll just say I work with computers and financial stuff.
I usually just say “social worker” because:
- People know what it means.
- It’s somewhat close to what I do.
- It’s a lot easier than actually explaining my job.
What I actually do is provide care to adults with developmental disabilities. I don’t do the direct, hands-on stuff (except when absolutely necessary); rather, I do the paperwork end of it. I make sure appointments are kept, files are in order, documentation is accurate, etc. I also plan and develop goals for the clients for the next year, and I handly emergency situations in cooperation with the nurse.
I am most definitely not a social worker. I don’t have the education, training, licensure, or job title of a social worker. But whenever I’m asked what my job is, I use the term as shorthand just to make things easier on myself and the listener.
Consultant; SAP implementations and support, specially QM, PP-PI and PM/CS, with knowledge of User Roles design and setup.
OK, OK; I’ll translate. I work with this really big and complicated computer program; setting it up isn’t just a matter of popping a DVD into the computer and clicking on “next” several times. When a company wants to use that program, they call a group of people like me to set it up and teach them how to use it.
“Oh, so you’re a cross between an IT guy and a teacher”
“Yup”
I have a slightly different problem. I am a health insurance agent. Everyone knows what I do and everyone fucking hates me for it. Insurance agents, door to door salesmen, and lawyers who advertise on TV all fall in the category of people generally loathed by society. I have my elevator pitch* down simply to stop people from trying to punch me in the face.
*I am an insurance agent for a small, non-profit company that works to provide affordable insurance coverage to employees of small businesses that otherwise would have to go without any insurance at all.
I’m a protein engineer: I design novel proteins and gene libraries, from which, by a combination of rational design and directed evolution, we generate molecules that serve as research tools and as a base for novel pharmaceuticals.
There are few social situations in which I can describe the more colorful aspects of my job.
For instance, the exploding pus-filled uterus, one of this morning’s Pathology highlights.
No injuries were reported, however, blech.
Titles in my company tend to the general/non-descriptive. Supervisor, Technical Operations doesn’t tell you much. So my “elevator speech” is that I supervise the guys that make sure the servers and network are up and running, 24x7.
I’m a Safety Engineer at a government research laboratory.
My “elevator speech” is: “I keep scientists and engineers from blowing themselves up and setting our buildings on fire”
I play with pretend computers.
Of course, my job entails a great deal that that statement doesn’t make sense for, but if you’re not in the field, the explanation is boring as hell. If you are in the field, and understand what I said, then we can go more in-depth.
Since my skills and job history have led me to work for all kinds of oganizations, I talk more about what the company I work for does than what I, personally, do. Most places I’ve worked can be described fairly easily, and people can usually relate to the end products those companies produce.
I’m pretty sure the average eighth grader would have understood the explanation you already gave. But if you want to go simpler, I’d say something like, “I’m the lead software developer for company XYZ. I don’t do a lot of programming myself, but I make sure the others do it right.”
As for the more concise term, I’m pretty sure you already gave it. That’s pretty much the textbook definition of “lead software developer”. But you could also say you’re the programming supervisor. (And the guy who writes the help files/manuals, but I’m not sure that’s a reason to brag :P)
I have this problem too. I do technology transfer. That elicits blank stares more often than not. So I have to explain about drafting legal agreements and reviewing scientific research plans and patent claims, and the work I do with setting up collaborations and clinical trials, etc. etc. There is no quick way to give a sense of the breadth and scope of what I do to someone outside of the field that isn’t familiar with it.
Niiiiice. I have a friend who loved pyos when she was a vet tech.
I’m a behavior therapist. I work on modifying behavior and teaching skills to autistic children.
Even with this short description, people are typically very confused about what I do. Many of them imagine I am some sort of schoolteacher in a classroom teaching the ABC’s. They don’t have a clear idea what what kind of basic skills autistic children are often lacking, such as speech and eye contact. They don’t understand how I can teach those skills playing on the floor all day. They cannot comprehend that someone’s job would involve being routinely kicked or bitten.
The people who most seem to get it often say, “Oooh, you’re Super Nanny!” Actually…that’s pretty close to what I do.
I know. I did that too. When I was Operations manager for a cargo company the higher-ups decided that we needed certification. They paid for my training as a lead auditor and made me Quality Manager. Mine was the first service company in the Dom. Rep. to be certified. The fricking most boring job I ever had, and also pretty hard to explain, even to some of my co-workers.
I have a B.D. in Industrial Design, I only worked for two years before I moved on to better-paying careers. Most people have no idea what an industrial designer does.
In fact, I have never had a job that was easily explained to anyone else not doing the same thing.