Me too.
I don’t have any useful advice to give that hasn’t already been given, though.
Except maybe: don’t blame yourself for things that aren’t about you. Your gut may say that to assume her being distant, angry, or miserable is NOT because of anything you did is to let yourself off of a hook you might belong on…but the flip side is that it is really egocentric to think it has to be about you all the time.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Juliana *
**
I’m a woman. Which explains why we’re getting married in a Unitarian church.
Thanks, pepperlandgirl for explaining in my absence.
When I first read coldfire’s response I thought, “How odd! Coldfire is promising revenge upon anyone that would injure those close to him but doesn’t get my reference to avenge my friend’s injury”. I guess that’s a complement cold.
Glad that all is understood, now.
To respond to Wendell Wagner I offer a couple of things.
In some ways, I do think that I’m atracted to women with “problems”. A big part of my personality is that I’m the “world’s protector”. But even more than my attraction to these kind of women is their attraction to me. They know, absolutely, that there is no safer place on earth than beside me.
I don’t dream of beating people up or avenging some wrong. I’m much more of the mindset that if I can prevent a problem from occurring, then there’s nothing to fix.
The woman that was raped after we broke up was a special circumstance. She told me of the assault about a year after it happened. She never reported it to the police because they were both cops! She didn’t want the entire department in on her misery. And she certainly didn’t want the department in on something that was certain to degenerate into a “he said, she said” kind of thing. My “offer” to avenge her came because I’ve always believed that I knew who did it, even through her repeated denials.
Of course, knowing who I believe the culprit to be is not license to kill. But the guy being a cop, someone known to her, and (if I read the tea-leaves correctly) her boyfriend/fiance at the time, I truly was upset to the point of revenge. The guy would have paid – dearly.
The really sad part is, to the best of my knowledge he’s never been accused of a sex crime. I wonder how many other victims he has out there?
I want to give my heartfelt thanks to all who told their stories and gave such loving support. It means alot to read such openness.
SweetLotus, all blessings on your relationship and upcoming marriage. I hope you have as supportive a community IRL as here; it would break my heart for either of you to experience homophobic ickiness on top of everything else.
rib-squeezing hugs