Anyone here ever recovered from burnout?

In My Humble Opinion
41

@msmith537: I understand that attitude from people doing work that doesn’t need doing, or even work that genuinely fits them in particular badly.

But the more that attitude exists – among the people running the companies, not just those who work there who are less to blame for it – the worse all the work gets done, and the worse the world all the rest of us are living in.

Can you find work that you wouldn’t feel that way about? Because @Esprise_Me obviously has.

Yup.

Toss a coin – and then see how you feel about what the coin flip says.

42

Thanks @Cheesesteak and @thorny_locust; you’re both absolutely right. And the coin flip thing has worked well for me in the past; I don’t know why I didn’t think of it myself. I was about to do it and realized I didn’t even need to, because I knew what I wanted–I wanted to come back for one more week after my vacation. It’s one of those starfish-washed-up-on-the-beach situations. I can’t save all the starfish on all the beaches in all the world. But every day I’m here, I get to throw some back, and it makes a difference to those ones. I’ll get a week’s awesome vacation at the beginning of the month plus two weeks to chill between jobs; I’ll be good with that. And I’ll feel better about myself for it.

43

I haven’t recovered. I and my people are all pretty well burned out at this point, and I can see a real degradation in motivation and efficiency from my staff. I’ve also been sick on and off, with the lingering effects of my bout with covid still taking a toll. I haven’t recovered anything close to how I was before, still can’t smell very well, which also throws off my taste, and I just feel tired, drained and sore all the time now.

44

I’ve been there. I feel for you, that kind of burnout is just an awful feeling.

10 years ago, I was in pretty much the same position you’re in now - burned out at work, generally miserable. I didn’t feel able to quit because I cared about my job, the company I worked for, and especially my co-workers. And because I’d already sunk so much into my career - a degree and years of work. “Besides,” I told myself, “this is objectively a good job. Sure it’s stressful, but plenty of people have stressful jobs. I’m making decent money, I have trust and responsibility and interesting problems to solve, people would kill for that! I’m sure I’ll grow into it eventually. Anyway, what else am I supposed to do? This is the only line of work I know!”

2 years ago, I was still there, with another 8 years of the job I hated weighing down on me. I was profoundly, chronically, suicidally depressed. I wasn’t socializing, no real interests or motivations at work or at home. My life consisted of working, stressing out about work, and hoping to die in my sleep so I wouldn’t have to go to work in the morning. My only life goal was to save every penny possible, so I could retire early. “Only 20 more years of this”, I told myself. “I survived last year, so I can survive this year. Just repeat that 20 more times and I’m home free! Besides, what would they do without me? I’m damn good at what I do, they’ll never find a replacement of equivalent experience at the salary they’re willing to pay, how can I just leave my friends to try and cover for my absence on top of the workloads they already have? The guilt will make me feel even worse than I do already!”

18 months ago I finally hit a wall. One morning I sat down at my computer and had a full on panic attack. I couldn’t answer another email or pick up another ticket any more than I could bench press my house. “To hell with it,” I told myself, “I can’t do this anymore.” I quit with no backup plan at the height of the pandemic, found an entry level job in a completely different field, and dropped half my income.

I haven’t regretted or second-guessed quitting for an instant. In hindsight, it was blindingly obvious that I needed to get out of that career for so, so long. I just couldn’t see it.

I understand feeling responsible for the success of your employer, and for the well-being of your coworkers. I felt that way too, and it was a very effective excuse not to take the leap. You’ll be amazed how quickly that feeling fades away once you don’t work there anymore.

45

This is so helpful to hear, thanks.

46

My solution was to retire.

The main instigation was a highly confidential project that was highly visible to upper management in the department. I was the sole IT person and couldn’t talk to anyone about what I was doing…due to the high confidentiality. The lawyers and accountants had no idea how complex the project was and kept saying things like “you can get it done in a few months, right?” and not hearing my “no’s”.

Eventually it became a 4 person IT team, and the project was successfully completed after two years of 10 hour days and 6-7 day weeks. No vacation. And we still couldn’t talk about it to anyone. I got one $500 bonus in all that time. OT pay??? Hahahahahahahaha…

The kicker? All the upper management (and my direct supervisor) who had any knowledge of the project took the special early retirement package (I wasn’t old enough yet) that was announced when the project was over, and all the new people who came into the department expected me to back to normal. I was never “back to normal” the rest of my employement there. I had one great supervisor afterwards but he only stayed about a year.

The doctor I had at the time put me on Prozac. It did nothing. I wasn’t really depressed so much as anxious and semi-traumatized (hate using the word “trauma” but that’s what it felt like), so I didn’t go back to him and (mentally) limped my way to retirement.

Took me about a year to feel like my old pre-project self.

47

As much as you can get now that you have something else lined up.

48

So glad you were able to make the move, @Esprise_Me !

49

Cheaper than either a divorce or a funeral. Good for you!

50

In the middle of being very stressed out, I read that “burnout at work” is really “frustration at work”. I added to that:

“Burnout is really frustration at constant no-win situations at work.”

I started taking my lunch hour from one to two (so I’d have no interruptions, micromanaging, or second-guessing from noon to one).
And I made myself take the whole hour and go work out.

But the “no-win burn out” was the result of the boss’s personality, which was not going to change, so I too jumped ship… to a less-well-paying teaching job.

Amen!

Oh, and I offered to work two more weeks, BUT I did it when the boss was in a really bad mood. (Her admin: “I wouldn’t go in there, she’ll rip your head off!” "Me: “Exxxxxxcellent…”)

She told me I was a traitor and to get out immediately. So I did get a couple of weeks to decompress.

51

That resonates.

And nice work getting out of those last few weeks!

52

Have you ever looked at the “Ask a Manager” site? https://www.askamanager.org/

It’s a really worthwhile read and I’ve read a number of letters about leaving a job and feeling guilty or regretful about leaving coworkers high and dry. Allison Green’s (the manager) advice is typically along the lines of “it’s a business relationship” and the job wouldn’t hesitate to let you go given the right circumstances and, in the case of a sufficiently toxic job, your coworkers are probably trying to bail as well and will bail, given the opportunity.

Also, if you stick around for your coworkers, is it worth a personal health-care catastrophe?

53

You don’t have to go back to the office to have decompression time at the end (or beginning) of the day. I worked from home for 18 months during the pandemic, and I quickly realized how much I missed my daily commute and the time it gave me to think. I started walking for 30 minutes every morning before I started working, and another 30 minutes every evening after I finished working. Those two walks became the most important part of my day. I really think they saved my sanity during lockdown. I read several articles that referred to it as a “faux commute”. So if you need some kind of break, whether walking, biking, or riding the bus, you can go ahead and build it into your schedule to see how it makes you feel.

Now that I’m back in the office, I have my commute back, but I’ve also built a 45 minute walk into the middle of my day to de-stress.

54

Well, I sorta had to…

See, I was working 60+ hrs/wk (billed over 80 hours to clients for three weeks straight), and I realized I’d never get to know my (very little) kids. When, suddenly, the college I’d been trying to teach at for years called me up and offered me a job … three days before the semester started.

So I said YES! (despite the salary cut)… and, boy scout that I am, I had plans to spend the next two weeks continuing to put in 40 hrs, working it around my classes. Even though something would’ve had to give (and it would’ve been my old job that would’ve suffered).

That’s when I realized that catching the boss on a bad day (and quitting early in the day… she was not a morning person), would mean I could offer two weeks, but she’d get vindictive, and I’d get booted immediately.

55

And another one bites the dust! Right after I gave my notice, so did another attorney in my office. I feel really bad for my boss, but I’m already starting to feel relieved that this isn’t going to be my problem anymore.

56

Do you know if you will be afforded an exit interview? May be a good time to lay out the reasons for your departure. Not that it will be your problem to worry about soon, but it may help bring some closure, for you, as you break clean from the old environment.

57

There will be an exit interview right before I walk out the door for the last time. It’ll be with the fuckstick big boss who is my reason for quitting, not my cool direct boss who’s been my reason for staying. I’ve already been talking to both of them over the last several months about why I’m feeling burnt out; cool boss has been doing everything in his power to help, while fuckstick swears he gets it and that he’ll change, but then breaks every promise he makes. So on the one hand, it’s a little late for the “thanks for this great opportunity; I’m just so excited for the challenges my new job will bring!” routine; on the other hand, what good would one final “stop being such a fuckstick!” speech do?

58

Well, given that my job is to help corporations transform their management approach to make work more flexible and sustainable and sustainable for their employees so they don’t get burned out, I would argue that it is a little necessary.

From everything I’ve read, the more emotionally invested you are in your work, the more susceptible you are to burn out. Which makes sense if you think about it. It’s much harder to leave your job at the office if you are constantly worried about it.

If your employers thought the way I do, you wouldn’t be working for “fucksticks” literally working you to death, expecting you to take on additional work and sucking t up because they “mean well” and you believe the work you do is “important”. They would realize they are running a business (even if it is a non-profit) and figure out a way to secure more donations so they can hire more staff.

59

Ha! I say thee ‘Ha’, sir!

Working ourselves to death, while the bosses clearly didn’t, was SOP at every ad agency I worked at.

I clearly remember a night we worked 'til midnight on a rush project (for a presentation to a friend of the boss, who was sorry he couldn’t help due to a previous commitment). We were all back in before the office opened the next morning, and were finishing it up when… here comes Boss-Man, strolling in at 10. In his tennis whites, eating an ice cream cone.

60

That’s sort of my point. I’m not as familiar with ad agencies, but from what I’ve heard is consistent with your story. The leadership tends to get paid very well and doesn’t particularly value the time or value of the rank and file employees who do the actual work.