Sorry to whine, but it has been 3 months, and I am not sure I am over losing my my sister. And now my mother is dying. I am only 22 fucking years old, and I am really upset about it. Does stuff like this really get better? I haven’t really slept since January. Now I am supposed to walk across the stage and accept my college diploma on May 13. I will be the first person in my family to finish college. I don’t want to go. I wanted my sister to be there, and she won’t be. My sister was a real freak about royal purple everything, and I asked my university if I could wear an armband of the same color so at least I could feel that a part of her was there when I walked across the stage. That was received with a great big no.
I don’t want to drag anybody down, but I am the one that always holds the family together. I am the outgoing one. I am the one that makes things work. I just can’t do it anymore. Does this stuff get better? People always say that Father Time eases everything. I just feel like he is some sort of 5 year old with a magnifying glass that has just discovered that he can burn ants if he tilts it just right with the sun. Maybe I am not enough of a man yet, but I don’t think I can float the family boat much longer.