WTF!? The topic is April mini-rants; it’s May now! You’re off topic.
Oh wait…
I feel better now anyway, since emmaliminal asked me a question, as if I actually know anything worthwhile. That never happens around here! 
Woohoo! I validated.
Got a first date tonight. Hot chick, seems smart and hilarious. We share plenty of interests, etc.
So, naturally, Mr. Giant Red Throbbing McPimple decided to a pay a visit to my forehead last night.
GODDAMIT I AM THIRTY YEARS OLD FOR FUCK’S SAKE! STOP IT!
Hey I’m 50 plus and I get 'um…It’s either zits or wrinkles NOT BOTH!
How much dung would a dung beetle dung if a dung beetle could . . . .
Oh, never mind.
A whole shitload, silly!
Fuck the useless crackbaby shithead douchetruck who fucked up the mailbox last weekend so that the whole thing will have to be replaced or reassembled or somthing…
I wonder if it’s too late to file a complaint with the police…
Dear digestive system:
Yes, I had cereal for breakfast this morning. Cereal with milk in it. I know you don’t like that. That’s why I took the lactose pill before I started eating. Why, then, are you still giving me Angry Gas? Do you want two pills? Can you let me know that in a way that doesn’t make my intestines seize up?
Yeah. You’re not alone. What is it with these fuckers, anyway?
I’m sending as many good vibes to you as I can. Hopefully at least one of us will find peace with it.
Fucking unemployment.
Make the wording ambiguous so that I’m pretty sure I’ve followed directions to the letter, and come to find out I’m only approved for half of the benefits period because I’ve only worked in this state since last June (even though I’ve been working for the same company for almost four years) - and I have to receive an ‘interstate benefits approval’ to receive benefits for the other 12 weeks, so I have to call your office anyway.
Oh, but I can’t call on Mondays or Wednesdays because my SSN ends in an even number, so I will need to call on Tues/Thurs/Fri, and although I did mis-read the website, apparently (although my husband also read it, and he came to the same conclusion that I did), I still have to figure out if you can adjust my claim and apply for the interstate application on my behalf, or if I have to go through that state on my own to receive benefits, and pray that I actually receive the full 26 weeks that I’m entitled to receive, even if it’s from 2 separate states. I hope that I don’t use the full 26 weeks, and I don’t WANT to use the full 26 weeks, but I want to know that it’s there in case we need it.
Oh, and my benefits amount is incorrect, based on YOUR math (and I have my pay stubs and W-2 available to back it up), so I should be receiving the max amount, not the amount that you printed on my forms. So your computer can’t fucking add - and yeah, it’s not a huge amount ($40 a week under the max), but based on the basic math, I’ve earned enough to receive that max amount.
I WANT to work, and I don’t want to deal with the unemployment red tape bullshit. But I’m going to do so because like everyone else who’s unemployed in this economy, I anticipate that my job hunt may take longer than it normally would, and I would like the security of knowing that the full 26 weeks of unemployment that I am entitled to receive will be there if we need them.
I know your offices are overwhelmed right now, so I’d rather get this out in some random anonymous internet post than take it out on one of you over the phone. The workers who answer the phone don’t deserve that.
Says channel 8 news with a perfectly straight face, “Swine Flu: A pandemic in the making, or just hype?”
Gee, I don’t know. Who could possibly be hyping the illness? Hmmm. Let me think. I’m sure it will come to me…
someone I know killed herself.
I was mean to her the last time I saw her. She was making another friend’s life difficult and I was annoyed, so I was mean to her. We were sort of friends, but not really, in that I know she liked me but I didn’t really like her. So like… we talked a lot and she called me a lot, but it was always about her and we didn’t really hang out or have jokes or anything. She would just talk and I would listen and nod and give her platitudes and advice most of the time.
Only she was really difficult and my other friend was a lot closer to her and this girl was making her life hell just by being difficult and then she like… came over and I was like “what’s up?” and she was all… “I shouldn’t be here, you guys don’t even care,” which annoyed me because everyone tried really hard to make her feel loved and I hadn’t snubbed her or anything, so I was mean to her. I more or less told her to leave us alone if she really thought we didn’t care.
she was really… I dunno. Sad. Needy and manipulative and… I feel bad saying dramatic because I guess now I know she was serious, but… well…
A lot of people talked shit about her. A lot. Often. And now all those people are going on about how great she was and she suddenly has tons of super-close friends and I’m keeping my mouth shut (except on here) because… I was mean to her. And people are all “weren’t you friends with her?” and… I don’t know. I really wasn’t. I don’t know.
Wow, that’s super-sucky. But, you know what? You can’t spend your life thinking every person around you might kill themselves if they get a well-deserved kiss-off. You had every right to enforce your boundaries, and I’m sorry that you’re now feeling guilty about it. I’m really 100% sure that you failing to put up with her manipulativeness was not what pushed her towards suicide.
As for all her “new” friends now that she’s dead, probably some of them are struggling with the same emotions you are*, and are trying to make up for bad things they’ve said in the past. If you say polite but non-committal things like “I knew her, but we never really meshed”, it may give them space to admit their bad feelings.
*and some of them are trying to insert themselves into the drama.
Friend:
You’ve done your best to make absolutely sure you alienated all your friends. You don’t talk to us, you don’t socialize with us. In the past two years I’ve seen you twice: Once when we were both at the same convention, and once when your fiancee went out of town.
Your social circle currently theorizes that your fiancee has determined what friends are ‘appropriate’ in your life, and you, needy for her approval, have caved.
If that’s what you want, that’s what you want. But… Twice in a year, once accidentally. Do you really think I’m going to drop plans / be thrilled to go to your wedding? No, not really.
GRAGRHGHGHGGH SMASHY
I’ve been waiting more than a week for my new bed to be delivered. We set it up so that they’d call a half an hour in advance.
Of course, I just happened to go to the washroom when they called. And of course, they start delivery before the store opens, so I can’t call the store yet. And then I tried calling back the number who called me, but I just get voicemail.
I swear, if they end up not being able to deliver to me today and I have to wait another fucking week, I’m going to snap. I got my brother to help me get rid of the old bed on Saturday because I’d have no help today, so I’ve been sleeping on a crappy air mattress since then. I am so not doing that for another week!
I cannot for the life of me understand why the fuck my parents are insisting I mail paper graduation invitations to relatives who A) know I’m graduating B) don’t really care and C) couldn’t come even if they wanted to? No sane person is going to fly all the way out here, pay heaps of money for a rental car and hotel, just to watch a man in a silly hat hand me a piece of paper. They know I’m graduating because my parents have kept them informed on every known detail of my life, they know they’re not coming, so why the fuck do I need to spend an hour addressing the stupid envelopes?
They don’t. Just say no. Graduation announcements are silly anyway.
Sizes. FUCK. SIZES
They are supposed to mean something.
I can understand XL and XXL, and there being a little play there. That’s OK, they are approximations. Still, they could get together and make shopping a little easier, and suffer far fewer returns and unhappy customers.
But a 40 waist means a 40 waist. A 40 should be no bigger or small than another 40!!! But I try on some 40s and fear for my genital health. I try on other 40s and could fit an extra set of 'nads and another 10 pounds around my waist.
Can’t they decide on what the size means???
Because they might send you money or a present. I did it last year; it was worth it.