It might seem like it since your being dishonest with a loved one, but on the other hand, “I’ve enjoyed as much of this as I can stand” seems like it would hurt feelings. Maybe being honest will lead to a frank dialouge that would improve the situation, but it also might just open a huge can of worms. What do you think?
If it’s a long term relationship (read: you plan to have sex again), then you have to be honest. If it isn’t, then why do you care about making them think they are better lovers than they are?
ooh, i see it completely the opposite- i agree that it’s unethical to fake it with someone you love (well, you shouldn’t ever, but…) if it’s someone you don’t intend to ever sleep with again a little “acting” on your part makes for a much smoother transition from between the sheets to out the door. and you skip the awkward questions. it doesn’t affect your experience much, and nobody gets hurt (it isn’t nice to tell someone they suck in bed if you don’t plan on helping out with that.)
in a serious relationship though, ugh. there the temptation exists if you really really care about the relationship. it might be to prevent frustration, or the preface to some constructive feedback or…what am i talking about???
this is ridiculous, it’s thinking like this that makes every man on the planet paranoid that you might be faking it with him…let’s put it this way; i completely and utterly understand the temptation, but i think no woman should ever have to and no man should expect it- that said: how do you say it’s over without having an orgasm and without faking it?
I think people tend to fake orgasms because they’re embarassed to talk about s** with other people, even if they’re engaged in the act.
I mean, if it’s not all grunts and moans and panting and “oh god oh god yeeeeeeeess,” then something must be wrong with one of you, right? Heaven forbid one partner might just not be into it, or just might not have an orgasm, but still enjoyed the time spent.
Sheesh. In these modern days of sexual enlightenments, we have more hang-ups than a telemarketer gets in a week! (like that analogy? I just made it up!)
I don’t know about unethical, but I think they’re certainly one of the stupidest things a woman can do. Faking it just sends the message that whatever he’s doing works, so he’s just going to keep doing it, whether it’s with you or with someone else. It’s kind of like dealing with a dog or a kid; you must only reinforce the behavior you want repeated.
As for quitting, I would think that a well-timed, “Honey, this is really nice, but I’m getting sore,” would work very well. After all only a real bastard would insist on continuing at the cost of causing you pain, and he gets to feel like he’s just worn you out like a real man ought to do.
Besides, if you can’t discuss this sort of thing with your partner, why are you bothering to sleep with them?
I have completely changed my mind on this issue. My rationale used to be that if you couldn’t be honest with your partner at that moment, when you’re as close as you can be to him or her, then when can you be trusted? I considered it one of the worst lies you could tell.
But I have really lightened up over the last few years, and now I think that if you fake an orgasm, you’re only hurting yourself. If I found out that a woman faked it with me, I’d certainly want to know more about the circumstance, and to see if we could improve on the situation, and I might feel a little sad that she couldn’t trust me enough to be forthcoming about it, but it’s not something I’d feel betrayed over. It’s also not something that would impact my sexual confidence. After all, it would be her insecurity that put us in that situation, not my sexual ability or lack thereof.
I had a girlfriend who could not come from intercourse, said she’d never been able to. She loved intercourse, just couldn’t finish that way. She was upfront about it, said something before we even had sex, and it was never a problem. We got her there other ways. Fun ways. I’d tell you more, but this is already probably TMI and I think I need a moment alone…
I never saw the point in faking it. If it’s not going to happen, it’s not going to happen, no matter how well-meaning the other party is. That doesn’t mean, however, that I’m not enjoying myself immensely. Sometimes I’m just tired, or sore, or distracted; it doesn’t necessarily reflect on my partner’s performance.
In any case, I’d never have sex with someone with whom I couldn’t have an honest conversation on this topic.
Well, and there is that moment where they still want it and you are worn out after the first four times.
I keep a little mini squeeze bottle under the bed for such circumstances.
See, I turn out the lights and after they’ve gotten off, I fake some moans, squeeze the bottle and fake the spooge.
It allows me to sleep without them feeling bad like they didn’t satisfy me for the fifth time that night.
Well put.
The man needs to learn that women don’t necassarily orgasm every time and if they don’t, it doesn’t have to mean that a) they didn’t enjoy the sex anyway or b) that he’s a bad lover.
Does my use of pronouns suck, or what??
Some men are very (overly) wrapped up in the female orgasm and can suffer ego-defaltion if their partners don’t achieve it.
And, spooje, may I add that the man does not have to orgasm every time either. Sex does not have to be goal oriented that way.