I have a very fulfilling and experimental sex life and I am in a monogomous relationship but I often fake orgasms to heighten the intensity of my partners excitement. My boyfriend has no idea. Is this common? Do men believe they can tell when a woman is faking it?
Some of us don’t care. If I think a woman is faking it, it’s not like I’m gonna bust her on it. (You’re FAKING! J’accuse!!)
Hey, if you feel you need to fake it, then go for it. If you need a little more attention, or something different, then you should speak up. You’ll find most of us very receptive to the suggestion. We’re eager to please. But your orgasm is more your responsibility. If you don’t let us know what you need, you’re only shortchanging yourself.
FWIW, my GF doesn’t fake. She tells me what she needs, and knows I’m in it for the duration. And occasionally, she just can’t there, for whatever reason. She’s open about that and it doesn’t mean she hasn’t enjoyed the sex to that point. I don’t take this personally.
Well it would be silly to say you can ALWAYS tell, but if the man is experienced and sensitive he can be pretty sure, though he’d be unlikely to say so and spoil things. Condoms make it much more difficult to tell.
I suppose it happens a lot from what I’ve heard. I think it would be a bad idea to overdo it.
I’ve faked orgasms myself under rare and unusual circumstances.
Personally, I feel that faking an orgasm is a terrible thing to do. Especially if it’s with someone you really love and care about. Think about it, this is the most personal, open situation you can be in, and you’re lying to them. If you can lie to your partner then, then you can lie to them at any point about anything. If you’re not getting off, and it’s an issue, then bring up the fact that they’re doing something wrong and work on it. It’s a lot more enjoyable for the man to bring his partner to orgasm (you know this, because you claim the reason you fake it is to highten his his excitement), so make the man work for it so he can be extra special proud.
Many women just don’t get off during sex, eevn after several years with the same partner. For some, it just doesn’t work, but that doesn’t mean they don’t have happy, fun, fulfilling sex with their partner. So, if you don’t cum, don’t fake it. Don’t make a big deal out of it, and if he notices and gets concerned, put him to work.
I make it a point to never fake. For me, if I don’t get there and it was because my partner wasn’t considerate, it won’t help anybody if he goes on thinking he’s doing things right. And if I don’t get there because I’m tired or whatever reason (sometimes it happens) I figure who I’m with will understand that, and not get totally bummed out over it. And if I can’t communicate with the person well enough to deal with both of these situations, I probably shouldn’t be in bed with him.
That’s how I’ve dealt with it, for myself. It’s a very personal issue, though, and I can’t say what’s the “right” thing to do.
People usually fake orgasms to reassure their partner that they are giving as much as they’re getting, which is important to some people. I don’t think this is always wrong.
When I was younger and in training I could maintain an erection for a very long time but I could only have one orgasm a night (two or three if it was an exciting new romance) whereas I find that most women can have several, a few are even multi-orgasmic which is a very strange phenomenon from a man’s point of view (they have one continuous orgasm that lasts anything up to half an hour!). If my lover seemed to be concerned that I wasn’t getting as much satisfaction I would fake an orgasm or two. I don’t see the harm in it. It also makes your partner think you’re some kind of sex phenomenon which can heighten the experience for them. Of course I would always have an orgasm eventually.
Just my $0.02…
I’ve always viewed faking it as something akin to a lie. Perhaps a polite lie, but a lie nonetheless. I’ve been rather unsure of myself lately since an old flame of mine confessed to me that she had “faked it” pretty much all of the (admittedly brief) time we were together. It makes me wonder just how unsatisfying I really am. Maybe no one else had the heart to break it to me that I’m terrible in bed? Again, that’s just my slightly insecure male perspective…
Back when I had zero sexual experience, I thought I understood how a woman could successfully fake an orgasm. But after actually being in the presence of a orgasmic woman, I’d say that any guy who falls for a fake one would have to either be in denial or simply not paying attention. Perhaps I am guilty of extrapolating too much, but it all was very apparent to me.
Just to clafify. “Fake often’ was a bit of an overstatement. I am multi-orgasmic and my partner is generous and aware. I always ograsm at least once and occasionally will fake a second or third. I have discussed this with my partner and the intersesting thing we discovered was that he could never tell the difference. So he knows that he has no idea. It has become a kind of a game. So the question was 'Is it possible for a man to tell the difference?”
Well it depends. You can always tell a real one but you can’t know if one is fake except by asking.
Let me explain. When a woman has an orgasm the vaginal wall has a sort of gentle rolling ripple of a contraction. Not like a clenching more like your penis is inside a caterpillar. This apparently doesn’t always happen or isn’t always noticeable. Also the vagina suddenly goes slack after an orgasm, though I expect a knowledgeable woman could fake that. If any woman can fake the pulse-thing I have just one question, “WHY DON’T YOU DO IT MORE OFTEN!”. There is also sometimes a noticeable increase in lubrication, which couldn’t be faked. These things can happen in even a relatively mild orgasm, in a really soul-shaking, can’t breath, extremities numbing, sweat like a rainstorm orgasm you can generally be pretty sure.
Any man who would be fooled by that, “Harry Met Sally”, BS is a doofus.
You’re not multi-orgasmic if you’re faking everything after #1 hon… but I’m sure you know that
I feel much the same as El Elvis Rojo and Bren_Cameron - won’t do it, against my personal principles. If it really doesn’t bother him, groan away, I guess. Whateer floats yer boat.
Any woman who does Kegel exercises can do that at will. Getting a ripple effect takes a little practice and some concentration. I don’t often do it during sex, however, because I find it distracting. Not that I fake it, but it wouldn’t be as hard to do as you imagine.
That image is going to be in my mind until I die.
Sorry. I knew I’d get some sarcasm for that but heck let everybody have some fun. At the time it seemed kinda poetic.
I’m familiar with the techniques you describe and it’s not the same, they’re faster and stronger and I don’t want to get too metaphysical about it but the real thing is kind of electrical. I did say I wasn’t sure if it could be faked, I mean how could I tell for sure, it’s a non sequitur.
I’ve never faked it for you, Jimmy Quasar. What we have is genuine.
Actually, I feel pretty much the same, though…were I to find out my SO was faking it, I’d be pretty upset. Not as much because I wasn’t satisfying her, but because she didn’t speak up and let me know this…there are plenty of other things I could do in order to bring her to orgasm, but if she was acting content with what was going on, I’d never try half of it. (I’m far from opposed to going down on a woman…and sometimes think I’m better at that than the whole “real act”…) but hey, if I’m not hearing complaints or “constructive criticism”, then as far as I’m concerned, I’m doing everything right.
No, I don’t fake it. I think I did maybe a few times waaaaay back in the old days.
I do however “fake” my noise level. I used to be very quiet during sex (with all S.O.s until my current boyfriend), and get even MORE quiet when approaching orgasm, until my boyfriend of 7 years pointed out the obvious problems with that.
Now, I make noise. I’ve learned to “make good noise” but given my choice I’d still be pretty quiet.
Grrrr, wish you would teach my boyfriend that, he’s not happy or “done” until he’s given me ten or more (must be that need for applause mentality?).
It’s taken me years to get him to be able to just “have a quickie” now and again. He doesn’t believe that women can and do enjoy sex occasionally and not have to have an orgasm.
Don’t fake orgasms… we’d rather be ineffective than deceived…
OTOH, if you’re one of the unfortunates who just can’t, ever, have an orgasm, then it plays hell with every intimate relationship you have. No matter how much you tell the partner in question that you’re having a good time and enjoying every bit, they always think they’re doing something wrong, and refuse to understand that it’s not anything to do with them. This angst spreads through an otherwise happy relationship, eventually destroying it.
In the light of that, to protect their self esteem, what’s the harm? It’s not like there’s ever going to be a real one to compare it with, or anything they could do differently to make you have one…
My view: Never fake it. Ever. If you do, you’d better keep quiet about it for the rest of your life, 'cause if he ever finds out, he’ll hate you for it. I don’t have a problem with being unable to get a lover to orgasm, but I do have a problem with believing I am able and then finding out I’m not. Be honest and upfront. If he can’t take it, ditch him.