Like most things, it depends on the situation. The time it would be inappropriate is if it indicates people trying to live an early 20’s lifestyle when that time is far past.
Even living in the cheap Midwest, I always saved $300+ a month by having a roommate because of lower rent & utilities. The savings in more expensive cities have to be $500-1000 or more a month in lower rent and utilities.
I don’t see how it is a sign of immaturity if you are doing it to save money, or because you like your roommate(s). If the person you are dating has kids it could be a problem though for when they want to visit.
I’m a married twenty-something who has a roomate, and really… you get used to it. It was one of the things that worried me most about taking on a roomate, but after the first month or so, it hasn’t really bothered me. We do also make it a point to either have loud sex or sex in the living room when he’s gone for the weekend, though.
I will say, one of the things that makes a difference, especially when you’re talking about a couple with a roomate, is having a place with a floorplan that has seperation. We’ve only got one room in the house that’s truely “shared space” where all three of us are in there together (the office where our computers are), and most of the rest of the house is set up so that we can retreat individually and have time to ourselves.
I don’t think it indicates immaturity at all.
I got out of college and lived on my own for about 2.5-3 years. Then, I moved to Dallas, and an old college roommate and I got a 2 bedroom apartment together.
It was very financially prudent; we each paid about 2/3 the rent that we’d have otherwise paid, along with about 2/3 the electricity, and since water was rolled into the lease, I don’t know. At any rate, my monthly room-type costs went way down.
Since we both had our own bedrooms and bathrooms, privacy wasn’t nearly the issue that you might have in a shared-bathroom or shared bedroom situation, and generally speaking, we gave the other a heads-up if we thought we’d be bringing ladyfriends back, so that we didn’t get in each other’s way.
I think it’s just better for you mentally as well; things can get awfully lonely when you’re single and you live by yourself, even if you do have a social life. Having a friendly roommate tends to mean that someone will say hi to you that day outside of work, or someone will care if you don’t come back for 3 days.
I’m 30 and have a housemate (well more like a tenant) and I think this is key. I’ve got a guest room next to my bedroom and couldn’t imagine someone living there, but my dude lives in the basement and I hardly ever see him. We pass in the kitchen sometimes, and every so often I have to wait for him to get out of the bathroom, but most of the time I have to see if his car is in the driveway to know if he’s here.
I don’t think it’s immature for me to have him here, as it benefits me a bit and I’m helping a friend. Although, I do think it’s a little immature for him to be living here. Especially since he came to me after living in the basement of some mutual friends. You know, we’re all the same age and we have our own houses - why does he get to live comfy in our basements for cheap? (oh, I know the answer is that we’re pushovers. But I do think less of him sometimes…)
I don’t see living with housemates as any more “immature” than living with a spouse or with a spouse + one’s children. Why would it be?
I VERY strongly hope to be in a shared household with other adults when I reach old age. I either want to live in a committed community of people of all different ages or a committed community of old fogeys.
The alternative, which is the conventional situation, is that you grow old with your aging spouse, one of you dies, the other becomes quite old living alone and gets to the point they can’t take care of themselves all alone and gets tucked into a Facility where young people treat you like you are a child and bureaucrats make the rules.
I want to be part of a committed community, perhaps incorporated so that as a collectivity we own the house, etc; people may come and people may go but the group as a group would endure. If the old folks (me among them) reach the point we need someone to take care of us above and beyond the simple help one would likely receive from housemates, we would hire them and they would work for us.
You’re never going to have more than one kid if you don’t get beyond that 
I think that roommates are probably a little flag that would drive me to dig a little deeper into the why before going beyond a couple of pleasant dates. Not all reasons for sharing indicate immaturity but a lot of them do.
I think the answer here is in direct correlation to what the cost of living is in your area.
Where I grew up, you could buy a solid 3 bedroom 1.5 bath house fully finished for 85k in a good, safe, quiet neighborhood, and a decent one that needed a little TLC for 65k. If you’re past 30 and have a decent job and haven’t bought a house, that’s a huge red flag. But in a city, it’s much more common to share a rented place, and it’s a good way to save money towards eventually buying a home with a spouse or partner.
So if you didn’t have housemates in an expensive city, I’d see that as a red flag as in “Boy, they can’t live with anyone, they must be high maintenance”. And in a small town where the cost of living is low, if you rented, I’d see that as “Wow, they can’t save money for a down payment. Yikes”.
My brother always lived with someone until his late 20s. Usually it was a girlfriend, but after his first big break-up, he moved in with some friends. That was partly a financial decision, but it was also because he’d never lived on his own and didn’t want to do it. Then he got together with a girl again, and admits now that when worked triggered a move to another city he should have just broken it off but he was too afraid to go on his own. They stayed together way too long and had a disastrous marriage. After that, he lived on his own and he realizes now he should have done it sooner. He learned to do things like properly iron his own dress shirts, cook for himself, etc.
So my brother was immature in that he was too scared to have to learn to live on his own.
I dunno, I’ve always looked at living alone as a sign of maturity, although the inverse isn’t always true. There’s just something about living alone that says “this person is an adult” to me.
With respect to dating, it’s more of a personal preference. I’m a private person, I don’t want to have to worry about making small talk with your roommates when I go to your place. I don’t want to have to worry about running into your roomie when I’m walking to the restroom in the morning wearing nothing but my undies. And yes, this is terribly vain of me, but the fewer people that are subjected to seeing me first thing in the morning, the better.
Of course, having roommates has nothing to do with maturity in some of the circumstances mentioned in the OP, like helping family with bills or just not wanting to live alone. It’s definately not an ideal situation for me, however, and not one I’d be willing to deal with long term.
In your bedroom, silly. With all that rent money you’re not spending you can invest in a high quality ball gag and a box spring that doesn’t squeak.
Kind of in the vein of what Really just said - “all the money you’re saving” - I lived in a 1500/month 3 bedroom place that I shared with two others. It was very nice - corner apartment, 11th floor, 24 hour maintenance, ultraquiet hvac, powder room, all new fixtures, doorman overnight, package delivery, fitness center, ups/fed ex service, deli, really the works. If I’d lived in a 1 bedroom place myself, I wouldn’t have been able to live in the building (it was $1000/month for a 1 bedroom). I would have had to live somewhere far crappier. So you get way more bang for your buck, and you end up showing a new boyfriend/girlfriend a nicer place.
Heh, I’m used to apartment living… when your apartment has others above, below and on either side, you learn to tone it down under the assumption that yes, there will be someone watching TV in the next room.
I’ve met people who lived “on their own” but whose shopping, cooking and cleaning was done by their mothers. I do see that as being as immature (and financially, probably worse) as those who live with Mom and she does all the shopping, cooking and cleaning. On the other hand, someone who lives with Mom but does a reasonable amount of the housework is someone who would share housework if he was living with me: win!
When I’m old and wobbly, I expect to rent rooms out to students, not so much for financial reasons (I hope to be self-supported) as to have someone who can pick up my meds and will be grateful to have someone who handles the cooking during examination periods.
There is nothing wrong with people that have roommates. The reason not to is more about always having things your way when you’re home than any other reason. You will have to interact with people at times when you don’t want to. It all comes down to how social or antisocial you are.
I think the general rule is that by about the time you hit your 30s, you should pretty much either be married and living with your spouse or a SO or living on your own. A bunch of grown men living in an appartment together implies “party appartment” to me, even in NYC. ESPECIALLY in NYC actually.
In your 20s, who cares? Most people I knew in my 20s either lived with roomates or in cheap studios and 1BRs. And for the most part, they were party appartments. And that’s fine at that age. You are starting off in your career in the city. It’s the first time you have some money, but not enough to live on your own. That’s what you are supposed to be doing at that age.
I’d say that assuming someone is immature based on them living in a shared house is, in itself, a great big flashing warning sign about the maturity of the person making the assumption.
Anyone that’d look down on me for living in a shared house is someone I am not going to want to know anyway.
And where are we supposed to live while we save up the down-payment?
Consider my situation. I’ve just sublet a house in a small town near the people I’m working with while I see whether the situation will fly. Meanwhile, my friend is taking over my apartment in the city for the summer. My long-term plans are to buy some land and build a passive-solar house on it, but I got laid off a year ago and other more survival-oriented things have taken priority.
Owning one’s residence is nice, but it is not the end goal for everyone. Is the guy renting a sublet apartment downtown worthless, while his neighbour paying a mortgage on the apartment next door okay? It doesn’t seem to have anything to do with whether the person can stand independently, which is what I think people are really talking about.
I started dating one of my housemates. Now with two of us sharing the same bed I pay more every month for restaurant meals than I do for rent. Beat that motherfuckers.
Interesting point. Roommates are like cats; the more you have the crazier you seem. Actually they might be worse, as cats “need a friend,” but you don’t get a third roommate so that your current one doesn’t get lonely. So one roommate makes me think that they are saving a bit of money, four roommates makes me think that they are doing Jaegerbombs every night.
Ok, start cooking at home.
We do cook at home, and go for a modest restaurant meal once or twice a week. I was trying to illustrate the amount we save on rent, not our extravagant spending on meals.