In a previous thread about instant deal breakers when pertaining to relationships, I noticed many people mentioned “not living on his (predominantly) own”. As an individual who is living with 3 other people, I’m curious if the reasons for a multi-entity household are more important than the fact itself.
My question is, under which of the following scenarios seem appropriate for an individual past college age to live with others.
Receiving assistance from family members/friends financially, either temporary or chronically.
A desire to reduce house hold costs in an effort to save long term (i.e. a house, retirement, or even a car or boat).
General philosophical/ecological reasons, in an effort to reduce consumptionism.
To provide assistance to family members/friends financially, either temporary or chronically.
Simply enjoys the social structure of a household more than living as an individual.
Any other valid reasons you’d admire or compliment, rather than admonish?
At what age, if any, do none of the previously previously mentioned reasons apply?
As for me, I’m 26 and after living on my own for 2 years, I find the benefits from living with a group of people much more reasonable than the benefits of living alone. In addition to having a small ecological footprint, it’s nice to have a group of people to share meals with, reduce stress with, and in general learn and grow with. Privacy isn’t really an issue, since the household understands each other has their own life, and it’s much easier to have a house dog instead of having to worry about finding someone to take care of her.
It wouldn’t be for me, but I understand why it would be for someone else just like having children would be a deal breaker for others. It’s just a personal preference.
If I was looking and found someone with roommates I’d try to pay attention to how they interact. Tells a lot about people.
It depends where you are. In NYC, it is not at all uncommon for totally mature adults to have housemates. If you remember “Seinfeld” Elaine had a roommate and that was not considered anything odd.
I had a roommate at several points in my 20s, in every case both of us were working professionals.
As I said in the mentioned thread, it’s one thing if you’re in your twenties. It’s another thing if you’re in your forties. Even if it’s only a sign that we are incompatible, it’s still a sign.
And no, I don’t date men that live in SF or NYC, so cost is not a factor in this case.
House mates in some situations could be a sign of maturity. It might be, among other things, a sophisticated means for establishing a spacious and comfortable home that would be otherwise impractical. (I noticed that almost everyone in the other thread seems to be talking about themselves and potential daters living in little rented apartments.)
I think it sounds fine. It may possibly show less selfishness, more consideration for issues like environmentalism and consumption, more ability to work with others.
My brother and his wife have a housemate who rents space in their house. It helps with the mortgage.
All things being equal, someone who lives alone is better for privacy concerns, no matter how cool the roommates were. Living with people would not be a dealbreaker, though; if I like someone it will work out. As mentioned by others, in certain places living alone is rarer than not.
Nothing wrong with living with others, especially if you’re 26. I shared houses with friends well into my late 20’s. It was nice to not have to leave the house to hang out with my boys, and it usually meant that all of our other friends had to come to us when everyone got together.
Receiving assistance from family members/friends financially, either temporary or chronically.
Depends. What’s “assistance”? I’m 27 and my mother still occasionally buys me things. She hasn’t paid my rent or utilities or anything since college, though.
A desire to reduce house hold costs in an effort to save long term (i.e. a house, retirement, or even a car or boat).
House, retirement, car; fine. Boat… not so much.
General philosophical/ecological reasons, in an effort to reduce consumptionism.
All in favor of this.
To provide assistance to family members/friends financially, either temporary or chronically.
No problem with this at all.
Simply enjoys the social structure of a household more than living as an individual.
I always have. I don’t think I’m either particularly immature or mature for my age.
It occurs to me that I’ve never lived alone; I had roommates until three years ago, when my girlfriend and I moved in together. We bought a house together a year after that, and we’re getting married on Saturday.
Until I met my boyfriend, I would probably say yes it is a sign of immaturity, because I view independence as a huge part of being an adult. Now that I’ve met him (and grown up a bit more myself) and other people that have roommates, I see it’s usually just preference. I’m introverted and highly value quiet time to myself (and being able to lounge in my undies), so living alone is very important to me. He’s outgoing and much happier around other people, so for him living alone would be depressing and dull. When you factor in finances, it makes sense, but I’d still rather be alone in a small apartment than share a house with a bunch of people. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with living with family because they need help, or you do.
I have a friend in his early 30s. He’s a college professor, smart guy, and seems plenty mature.
He not only shares with a friend, but the two of them actually purchased the house together. Neither of them has a partner, and neither of them could afford a proper house by himself, so they went halves and got themselves a very nice three-bedroom house here in San Diego.
I certainly don’t think housemates are a sign of immaturity, and while i enjoyed having my own apartment back when i was single, there were times when i missed the company and the general atmosphere of a shared household.
In Rugby League it is common for players who don’t live with a partner to share a house. Sometimes they don’t even play for the same club. These are all guys in their 20s with plenty of money and free time. Whenever you see them in public they all seem to have an attractive companion.
Your bedroom? My boyfriend had a roommate when we got together, and she moved out I guess about 6 months after I moved in. We tried to be quiet if she was home, but really… it’s your home, you’ve got a life to live and presumably you’re all adults.
The reasons for having roommates and the age of the person having roommates definitely would have a bearing on whether I thought the person was “immature” or not.
As someone mentioned in the other thread (paraphrased);
Early 20 somethings living fratboy-like and 5 to an apartment=mostly age appropriate.
40 somethings doing the same thing?=probable/possible lack of maturity.
Persons of any age having roommates; because they prefer having them around for social reasons, to afford a down payment, to help fund a college degree, to assist relatives (or be temporarily assisted by relatives) and so=probably age appropriate and mature.
You’re right though, imho, the motive has a lot to do with whether it can be considered mature, or not very mature.
I find it odd that this is the answer to this question, because that meas that, in that thread, most people seemed to be saying it was perfectly okay to prejudge a guy as immature if he did not live alone.
Well, if I understand your question correctly…a coupla things here,
1.) The consensus in the dating thread was more along the lines that a person could be considered immature, or a deal breaker if he had roommates. Not that they absolutely were. And it also was pretty well divided along age lines. Those of us who are older are more likely to desire someone who’s “on his own” and younger people were more willing to base it on the specific situation of the potential date.
2.) As to “prejudging” people for dating purposes. If a person wants to end up with a person who best meshes with their lifestyle, wants, and needs, as far as having a long term committed relationship, they’d BETTER be judging the other person. If any ole warm body will do, not so much I guess.
3.) “Immature” isn’t the same as saying “you’re a bad person”. I mean, I prefer to purchase a ripe piece of fruit when I go to the store. I don’t want to have to wait several days before it’s good to eat.
Same thing with a relationship, a girl doesn’t want to spend her Saturday nights hanging out at a fratboy house, or as Alice shared, footing the bill for all of the groceries, hot water and so on if the boyfriend spends all of his time at her house. The boy just ISN’T quite ready for a serious relationship if that’s his modus operendi. Just as a few examples.
I’ve always had housemates – I live and grew up in London, where the options are pretty much “have housemates”, “live in a 12x6 flat in Zone 5” or “be a banker or MP”. It’s a good way to meet people, both housemates and friends of housemates, and good if, like me, you enjoy socialising and are a bit depressed to come home to an empty dark flat. My fiance was a friend of a flatmate when I met him, and so were nearly all my (current) friends.
ETA: Oh, and I’m 24, but most of my housemates have been 25-40. I don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong with continuing to share a house or flat with people as you get older, but most people over 40 I know are married and live with their spouses.
