Are men truly this clueless, I'm a man and I think so.

I’ve worked at the same place for over two years, and the people and the dynamics have stayed pretty much constant. I had always been shy, yet friendly to the other people in the building, there is more than one company, yet the same owners(sort of?).
There was one lady lately who kept coming through our area to get into and out of work, (shortest way to where she always had parked and they now lock the other closest door early) I always talked to her, she was nice and friendly, once in a while she would come in and say hi, on the way through she would stop and have meaningless conversation. I think she’s cool (apostrophe possesive or she is?). I kind of enjoy when she comes by, I get sick of the monotony. Its been several months like that. She came in and gave me some cookies the other day “Hey thanx!”
Then today I’m blasting away on the CAM computer up in the office and one of the girls that works with us comes in and says “so you know XXX”,
“Well duh?” ,
“She’s um, interested in you, she sent me an e-mail”
“BWAHHH, huh?”
First off i’ve never thought of this girl sexually,(sort of, I’ve thought of EVERY girl that way). I never, ever, ever had the slightest clue,(the best in male intuition).
Second off, I should have known, both of the longest relationships in my life have started similarly.
I was like “huh?” stared at her for a while and she (thank god) said “do you want me to tell her that I just couldn’t ask you?”
1st thing, I’m bitter about women in general due to the bitter outcomes of past relationships.
2nd I did put on some (lot of) flub before I worked there(last crummy 4 year relationship packed it on) I’ve since lost about 40-45 lbs this year and reguarly go for bike rides at lunch and when its in season,ride to and from work, yes I wear the funny shorts (baggy variety), wussy helmet, and sissy shoes, yes she has followed my fat ass lycra encased ass into work, in her car, however I am still self concious.
3rd Previous relatinships leave my confidence in the dumpster and my opinion of women is less than stellar. I know that I can not go on like this forever, since I do want to find a “nice girl”. And I know that not all are like the previous.

This girl is a few years older than me (I’m not even 30 yet, that is no big deal), has no kids (BONUS, well not as big as it used to be), for me anyway. Now that I hear this, I was like HMMMM wait a second, lets see… I’m comfortable talking to her, I enjoy when she comes around… I do find her attractive (not BWAHHHHH Nicole Kidaman attractive), she is a pretty girl/lady(when do you hit the line) she is competent(sp?) and good at her job(from times I’ve had to go to her and co-workers have had to go to her for help), and she has been more than stellar in helping us, work ethic is one of my turn-ons.

Oh by the way, if any of you have stuck through this drivel, I would appreciate some feedback.

Geez dude!
Do you have to be hit in the hiney with a bag of ‘flirts’ before you know you’re being flirted with?

Hell, I’M clueless and I picked up on the vibe in the first couple of lines!

Well, I’d say you have a clue now, and I would say ASK HER OUT!!!

It doesn’t sound as if there’s really any doubt about her liking you, so what’s the worry?

Dude, she brought you cookies!
As a female, my advice is:
Call her up quick and invite her to dinner! She’s waiting by the phone! :slight_smile:

You asked “Are men this clueless?”

It’s not just men. I have flirted with women who had no idea I was doing it.

Wel… if there are cookies involved your mission should be clear.

Go for it bubba. It’s blatantly obvious she enjoys your company. Stop with the self-doubts and self-consciousness! Obviously she likes what she sees. As far as your past relationships go, I know they will always leave their scars, but moving on will have them fade over time.

Just hurry up and invite her out for perhaps a pre-Christmas drink or something (even if you invite a couple of other people as well, just to start with) :wink:

Cookies are the universal sign of interest in gettin’ jiggy.

She intends to destroy you! Dispense flares and chaff!

“That’s a negative, Ghostrider, the pattern is full.”

Hhmmm… does she work WITH you sometimes ? Or she just works in another completely separate area ? Sleeping with co-workers can be a hassle… take care.

Also make sure once you start the relationship what it is all about. Fun, sex and friendship ? Or lets be BF and GF ?

Overall the male code of ethics forbids letting a good chance for sex slipping by. Yes women are manipulative… yes women can make you bitter… yes it beats playing alone at home.

Yes, people (especially men) are this clueless.

However, I’ve learnt that (1) going out of your way to spend time with someone (2) giving them food (3) being told by a third (even female) party that they’re interested and even, in extreme cases, (4) taking you out to coffee and flirting with you don’t necessarily mean she’s interested.

But hey, there’s a good chance. I’ve also learnt that looks, while important, can often be less important to everyone else…


This is one of the major Guy Rules[sup]TM[/sup]. Never start dating a woman between December 1st and January 15th. That first critical Valentine’s Day is going to hit in the “fuzzy zone” where you are not sure whether a card and a Happy Meal are going to cut it, or is it jewelry time? It is that potential for high expectation and possible letdown that can cause men sleepless nights and grey hairs before their time.

That being said, screw the rules, grab a chicken cordon bleu with her at Applebee’s and go see a movie, early enough that you can talk about it afterwards. Women in their 30’s are VERY GOOD.

If we bring cookies, it’s usually a sign of “I think you’re cute”.

Not where I work; there it’s more of a determined attempt to make the marketing-department festivities all-inclusive. And I’m not even in marketing; it’s just that my cube is surrounded by those of marketers.

I’m a tech writer. The cultural difference is vast.

UncleBill, I’ve never had a girlfriend on Valentine’s day. I guess I’m lucky.

Never has “Remember, there’s two kinds of luck” been so apropo :slight_smile:

      • I don’t go looking for dates at work, and won’t accept anything but “group” get-togethers–if it turns sour, somehow the woman’s complaints about things often get heard louder than the man’s these days. That’s the turnabout of a long time of sexism it’s true, but that don’t help you (the guy) any.

This is no lie.

I was the most clueless idiot in all of God’s creation. [Still am, but somehow I got married, so it doesn’t matter any more.]

The last (okay the only) time a woman made cookies for me before I went out with her, undoubtedly led to my best pre-marriage relationship. Though it was short, it was sweet, and her cookies were symbolic of what she was like as a person.

Would have married her…but it’s a long story.

Bubba , go for it. And yes you are clueless, but BFD; it’s the human male condition.

Re: Valentine’s Day

This also is true:

I broke up with a girl on Valentine’s Day.

At a wedding reception.

Bottom line - if you want a relationship, you have to take some chances and date people. Past bad relationships are to learn from, not to prevent you from having any more (possibly good) relationships.

By the way, women are interested in more than a beefcake body and model good looks (well, the ones worth keeping, anyway). She likes you - the whole you, your personality, your sense of humour, your interests, your intelligence, the way you treat her, not just your body or looks.

Do yourself a favour and ask her out for a coffee - nothing high-pressure, just a get together to see if you have any interest in each other.