Ok, there is a woman at work (yeah, I know, at-work relationships and all that…blah, blah), whom I have been aware of for about 4 years (and she, me), but with whom I haven’t had much contact. In fact, I worked remotely for the company for the last 5 years, and was only recently (in January) moved to the company HQ. In the last 4 years, I’ve bumped into her at headquarters maybe a half-dozen times, but there was always a polite nod or a, “how are you,” that sort of thing. Now I have more interraction with her, to the tune of about 5 minutes, twice a week, and our cubes are in relatively close proximity, but not in any way to allow any sort of direct eye contact. We’re situated in a way where we can sort of hear and be aware of each other’s movements, and some conversations, but that’s about all. Now, I should make it clear that she has been the one making the point of initiating these conversations each week, with few exceptions, but the conversations generally revolve around mundane stuff, like work. But here’s what I’m seeing, and ladies, you tell me if these are “signals” or not:
In our conversations, since I’m usually sitting and she’s usually standing (she’s about 5’9" or 5’10"), I’ve caught myself looking at her chest. I immediately STOP, because I know it’s rude, but I also KNOW she’s caught me, more than once, and she has continued the conversation in the most pleasant of tones, never changing stride, and then comes back a few days later and strikes up another conversation. Wouldn’t she avoid conversation if my furtive glances were offending her? (For the curious: yes, it’s a VERY nice chest - rather large-ish, and attached to a very nice frame, with an attractive face and blonde hair…)
In 4 years, I have never received a “happy birthday” e-mail from her, even though our company posts birthdays on the corporate website, but this year, I did (my birthday is tomorrow, April 19th). Is this perhaps because she was actually paying attention this year for some reason?
If I get up to go to the kitchen to purchase a soda, or to just take a break, generally within a minute or two, she’s there, too. This happens on 80% or better of my trips to the kitchen. Is she possibly making an effort to increase our level of contact?
So, ladies…any input? Any questions about her actions that I may not have indicated here? Please help!
The first two are iffy. Unless you were being really rude, I think a lot of women understand that accidental glances happen. And yes, the birthday thing could just be a coincidence.
Another vote for #2 and #3 being significant, esp #3. She obviously has some interest in you and I would say she’s waiting for you to make a move.
(As for work relationships, I had one that was a disaster, but my current one is an absolute dream. Proceed with caution and discretion is all I can say …)
If I liked a guy, I’d probably do the same thing. And sure, no big deal on the chest thing; I know that guys do that sometimes and it doesn’t make them pervs, at least in my book. (This honestly never happens to me, though, as I’ve no chest to speak of; but my friends mention it!)
How does it happen that you’re sitting and she’s standing? Does she come to your cube and chitchat? Are you in the kitchen eating lunch at a table and then she walks in and starts talking to you?
If it’s something similar to the above I’d say it’s a very strong signal.
#3, if consistent, is definitely a sign. As is the fact that she frequently comes to your cubicle to initiate conversation.
As for #1…from experience, as long as a guy isn’t blatant about it, most women don’t get offended by a few glances at their chests. I only become irritated when you start talking to my chest. Other than that, if I catch you glancing at it, I’m really not going to think much of it.
Well are there OTHER reasons she might be talking more with you ?
Like your the only 2 accountants, lawyers or whatever in that area ? Are you considered an expert in your area and she is trying to learn a bit more ? Are you her “boss” and she is brown nosing you ?
Unless there is a clear reason for non-romantic conversation I think she might be interested. Eye contact ?
Just remember that “interested” for women means she wants to know you better or some bla bla bla… so don’t jump on her like she is asking for sex…
I suggest you make some “Nice skirt” comments and observe her reactions.
Good Luck... I hate this kind of flirting but not flirting...
With #1, it could be that she’s a bit flattered. Especially since you’re repentant when you catch yourself doing it.
I think #2 is more significant than what everyone else in the thread thinks. Yes, it could just be a politeness thing, but if she really disliked you, she wouldn’t be sending you an email on your birthday. Women dig it when people remember their birthdays. Women give men they like what they would want in the same situation.
So I think #1 and #2 prove that you’re in her “not icky” category.
#3, however, IS pretty significant. Back in my single days when I was interested in a guy I’d make sure to just “happen” to be where he was as much as possible (not that it did any good).
Now if she’s married (I’m assuming she’s not but just in case), all bets are off and it could be that she just thinks you’re a nifty guy that’s fun to talk to. Cute single guys are “safe” to flirt with at work if you’re married.
Signs to watch for:
Preening. Does she play with her hair when she’s talking to you? Fiddle with her watch, rings, or necklace?
Does she stand oh-so-casually against something, maybe resting her arm on the file cabinet so that her boobs and hips stick out?
Does she stand there and play with one of her shoes with her toes while you’re talking?
The more she touches herself – any kind of touching, even if she’s just brushing lint off of her shirt – the greater the chances she likes you.
A nearby restaurant–something inexpensive and suited to your level of attire–for the aforementioned dinner after work. Or drinks, if that’s your thing.
In other words, stop with the overanalyzing and just ask her out already!
#1 I’m going to write that off as she’s well-mannered and assumes you are as well, so any glances at her chest are accidental.
#2 and #3 sound promising.
Another sign I would look for is if she mentions things that she likes that could be possible invitations for you to follow up. For example “I’ve heard great things about new restaurant X, I’ve been meaning to try it.” = “Hey, me too! Maybe we could check it out sometime.” Or let’s see, upcoming movies that she’s looking forward to, or musuems or art shows or stuff like that.
Pupil dilation. This is something you have to learn to look for. Easier to see in light-colored eyes.
The self-touchy thing only applies to some people. In body language, a set of coherent gestures is much more revealing than one.
Excessive laughing. Women who have been interested in me always laugh excessively at anything vaguely humorous you have to say, even if it’s a joke more beat than horse jerky. Several "Oh my god, you are SOOO funny!!"s is a sure indicator of interest.
Don’t ask her out. Ask her if she knows it’s your birthday. Or if she wishes you a happy birthday first, just skip to the next bit and tell her she’s celebrating with you at X restaurant at 8pm tonight, though you might be a little late (because you’re a busy man, see, and you’re making time that she might have the privilege to be with you on such a special day).
Don’t as much ask her out , as mention that you and whomever you can snag from your work place are going out to celebrate , would she like to tag along.
I’d say she’s interested. When I realized there was more to a certain fellow in Mensa than met the eye, I deliberately started going to things I wouldn’t normally have gone to and haven’t gone to since in the hope of seeing him. I also let him know what I’d be doing and mentioned he might find it interesting. Arranging things so that you know you and he will be in the same place at the same time is definitely a way of giving a guy a go-ahead signal.
Don’t worry about her not touching you – there’s no way I’d casually touch a man I didn’t know well, even if I was interested in him. In some social contexts, I might hug him hello and good-bye, but there’s no way I’d do that at work. When I went to a New Year’s Eve party that Mensan I mentioned as at, he and I spent several hours talking to each other, at the end of which I knew I was interested in him and it was mutual, yet the only physical contact we had with each other was a hug at midnight and at the end of the evening. No, we didn’t kiss. At least not then.
My advice is to mention something you’ll be doing, preferably something she’s expressed an interest in, and ask her if she’d be interested in joining you. There was a period of several months when I wasn’t sure if I wanted to date the fellow I mentioned (I wasn’t interested in dating or getting involved with anyone at the time), but I knew I was interested in getting to know him better. He didn’t do that, but, if he had, I would have said “Yes.” Today’s a perfect excuse. Tell her you’re doing something special for your birthday, today or at the weekend, and see if she wants to join you.
I’d say the signals are nice and clear. Go for it, have fun, and happy birthday! Oh, and that Mensan I mentioned? He and I’ve been dating for over a year now and we’re crazy about each other.
