I was thinking the other day about the fact that not all orgasms are created equal. A lot has to do with the state of your mind at the time.
So, I assumed that if you are cheating on your girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse, since it is taboo, your mind will be in a more excited state, and the resulting orgasms will be mind-blowing.
Is this correct? Has this been your experience?
I guess it might be a bit difficult for people to comment on this, since they will have to admit that they have cheated on a partner, but let’s hope people help provide info on this.
Actually, it seems like it should be the case that intercourse in any other risky situation should generate a similar effect (if any) - perhaps people would be more willing to admit that they’ve had sex in a situation where they shouldn’t have (for example, the stationery cupboard, or the changing rooms in a clothes store) and where they could have been discovered.
If those kind of situations result in heightened sexual pleasure, I would expect other risky situations to do likewise.
um…speaking from some very interesting experience, which does not involve me cheating on anybody, it seems that cheating may actually make it more difficult for people to reach orgasm at all due to, possibly, the guilt or oddness, or the fact that they are currently (if not formerly) unused to the positions or sexual style of their partner they are cheating with.
from another related experience I would also disagree with that, based on the kind of “risk” involved, and the fantasies and wants of the involved parties
Well, I suppose that if you happen to get off on risk, then “risky” sex will be hotter for you than not. Of course, not everyone *does * get off on risk. Some people find it distracting to the point of not being able to really enjoy the sex.
Another thing to consider about cheating in particular is that most people don’t do it for the “risk”. If sex is hotter while you’re cheating, it’s more likely because you’re enjoying some sense of validation or conquest (or, more rarely I think, because you genuinely like and want this person more than your SO).
Also, at least to my mind, there’s a distinction between “unbelievably hot sex” and “mindblowing orgasm”. They often do go together of course, but orgasms are unpredictable creatures. I’ve had amazing orgasms during otherwise routine sex, and I’ve also had really hot sex that resulted in fairly routine orgasms.
Yes they are. In fact once you have had a “cheating” orgasm you will lose all interest in the workaday, humdrum, ersatz home grown “orgasm” which will begin to feel like a dribble of physical release beside the geyser of utter cosmic bliss offered by an other woman inspired juddering, shuddering, sky rockets in flight, afternoon delight paroxysms of unadulterated pleasure.
I can’t say anything about the orgasms.
But I have read that after a few weeks of initial stolen bliss, most cheating relationships consist mainly out of long, increasingly troubled, tragic and tiresome phone-calls.
Reformed cheater here. Orgasms while cheating are much better at first, changing to routine later, and finally to boring as the affair winds down. Just like in sex in a non-committed relationship; just like sex in a long term committed relationship; just like sex as one or both parties age.* Just my experience; YMMV.
*“Boring” doesn’t necessarily apply unless one (or more) participants totally loses interest in the other.
I haven’t been able to find a cite yet, but I do recall reading that women are more likely to have orgasms while cheating; the postulated reason being to increase her likelyhood of conceiving by him and not her husband.
I don’t know about cheating, but the whole lead-up to sex is usually much more exciting when it’s your first time with a particular partner. At least, that’s been my experience.
I’ve got to say, if that’s the case then you’re doing it wrong. The more time you spend with someone, the better the sex is with them, if you’re paying attention, especially in the age of safe sex. What you don’t get, as Sublight pointed out, is the whole preliminary flirtation, which probably outlasts the sexual relationship.
In my experience they were. The man I cheated with (and eventually married) was not necessarily a more skilled or more endowed lover, but when I went outside my relationship I was seeking not only sex, but also just someone to tell me I was pretty and make me feel beautiful. The first guy and I could co-write a book on how to take each other for granted.
So, I found a guy that was a few years younger than me and slept with him. While my boyfriend (engaged, 7 years) was out of town. In our bed.
The orgasms were mindblowing. It had very much an element of “ignore me? see what I can do!!” to it.
As you can guess (and I now know I deserved) it turned very ugly and I ended up marrying the guy I cheated with. He left me when he and another woman had an online affair.
The orgasms were not so hot then.
Based on my own personal experience (which does not involve me cheating on anyone either) I would agree that sometimes a pyschological block actually makes it more difficult to acheive orgasm. YMMV, of course.
I did not mention risk in the OP, I mentioned taboo. Even if your spouse is on the other side of the world and is unlikely to barge in on you and catch you cheating, you know that it is a taboo thing that you are doing, and my assumption was that was something that made the orgasms more intense.
And if the link that Gfactor provided is any indication, that seems likely.
From a poll perspective, the only people so far who replied and have said they had had an affair, have affirmed the effect LouisB: “Orgasms while cheating are much better at first” ShelliBean: “The orgasms were mindblowing.”
I saw this on a Discovery-channel-style documentary on TV.
In fact, they said that the reason men produce so much sperm, is most likely not because the environment in the uterus is so hostile that you need a lot of them to get one to make it to the egg, but rather, all that semen provides a very basic function. It provides a physical barrier for the semen from the other guy.
Basically, when the boyfriend/spouse comes back from out of town, they tend to initiate sex, and if the woman has just had sex with a lover the day before (or a few hours before), the lover’s semen is blocking the boyfriend’s semen, thus increasing the likelihood that she will get pregnant by the lover.
It seems that evolution of a species is better served when a woman’s kids are not all from the same father.
So, it would make sense for nature to make sex while cheating more enjoyable.
