To reduce that down to its prime message:
Most people are insecure and petty and looking for an excuse to hate you.
I mean according to that you should avoid openly drinking soda because someone who sees you could be a diabetic on a low sugar diet, and then they will hate you because you have the power of being able to consume sugar.
But that is insane, like party 2 is assuming you’re a psychic or something and intentionally being an asshole.
Yes.
Most certainly the author is.
Yes, there are a number of people like that. In my experiences, they can be very passive-aggressive and tend to project quite often.
Of course that’s not everyone, so you deal with it and associate yourself with people more to your liking. At least that’s what I do.
From my experience, yes, some people are this petty, insecure, and mean.
I generally do not associate with these types of people once I find out they have these values. If they’re the kind of person that feels the need for everyone to like them and subsequently realize I don’t like them, hilarity may ensue.
I have found that interactions go better if I silently imagine the other person’s bizarro world they inhabit, in which they are always more entitled, more deserving, more virtuous, more just, more understanding, more unfortunate, and more wronged. Even though it’s a fictional world, you have to pretend for a moment that it’s true.
The reason it works is because we all live in a bizarro world like that.
Unfortunately I can’t read the blog:
In any case, I don’t worry too much about whether people hate me. If anyone does, they haven’t let on. I eat what I want to eat and drink what I want to drink, though I try to be reasonably aware of other people’s sensitivities.
I have no control over how other people perceive things, so I just do my best to not be deliberately offensive or mean, and don’t worry about the rest. If they get twisted because of something fucked-up in their own heads, it’s not MY problem, you know.
Maybe I’m an asshole, but I can’t go around worrying that for example, me telling a story about my vacation that I just got back from is going to offend someone else who can’t afford to do what I did. They can either be happy for me and take some enjoyment in me being happy and see some cool pictures, or they can be bitter bitches and be resentful. Not my problem if they choose that path, so I don’t sweat it.
A lot of people are like this, but as someone who doesn’t bother with most social niceties or care very much if other people like or dislike me, I’ve found that most ‘get over it’ to a large degree after they know me for a while and realize that I’m pleasant and helpful in my own way, and while I may not care much about them, it’s just that I’m not that invested in anyone at all. Tactful, humble, friendly and talkative I will never be.
I think I can safely answer yes without reading anything more than the title. People are ridiculously insecure. And petty too.
On the other hand, the article is not particularly well-written. It’s like they took seeds of an idea from Miss Manners and then decided that silly examples and bad language would make it more interesting.
I started a thread about this kind of thing a while back.
It sounds like “keeping up with the Joneses” in reverse.
This is the path I’ve kinda unintentionally chosen, and to be sure I’m never intentionally flaunting anything to impress anyone.
But I’m also clearly not understanding other people very well.
*Shit if someone was like goddamn you going on day trips while I am starving I’d probably be like um you want some food?
I don’t see an article about hugely insecure people. I see an article detailing the small things that sometime bug some people. And it all leads up to number 1, which is actually a big something that I’m sure you guys would like people to learn–that just because you are okay with something doesn’t mean everyone is.
Definitely. I think what the article’s author was trying to point out is that one person’s innocent mention of a vacation, or sex story, or fine dining experience may be perceived by another as flaunting it, because it’s something that they want to do, but for reasons of time, money, ability or whatever, cannot.
But ultimately, unless you run around being super-sensitive to unknown things that someone else is offended by, it’s not your problem. I mean, I’ve been to Europe 5 times, 2 of which have been during my tenure at my current job. I display travel photos on my PC’s background switching every half-hour because it’s a cheap, easy and foolproof way to remind myself of happier times when things are tough (or boring) at work. If someone gets their ass out of joint because my photos of St. Peter’s or Florence remind them that they want to go to Italy and can’t afford it, it’s not something I can control or that I really care about.
Just to clarify things a bit. That Cracked article isn’t a blog post or essay about how people are petty and insecure. It touches in a colloquial manner several serious insights into how human relationships work, and it lists five things that, mostly subconsciously, affect human interactions.
If these things make you think that people are secure, it’s because, for the most part, people are insecure—not in the personality trait sense, but in the sense that historically, it is very hard to survive in the world as a human being and secure the things that make life comfortable, and also make life possible. Historically, humans lived in insecure environments, so human psychology, as a matter of survival, is to some extent based on worrying about insecurity.
Just to take a look at one of the points the article touches on:
“#4. You Accidentally Asserted Power Over Them”
The issue of relative power dynamics in interpersonal relationships is not just an issue of someone being “petty and insecure.” It’s a deeply ingrained part of the human makeup and has to do with how we evolved and survived over tens of thousands of years.
I have read that one of the first things parents are often told by doctors or therapists when they find out their child has some kind of special need is to NEVER say things to another parent like, “Well, goody goody freakin’ gumdrops for you! Your kid made All-State? Mine isn’t even going to participate in the Special Olympics, so why don’t you just keep your big fat yap shut?”
I agree with Ascenray’s take.
It’s not a defense of the hater, but an explanation. Ideally, the poor guy would at least pretend to be happy that you got to go on a de-lux all-expenses-paid vacation. But if his smile seems rather forced, well, here’s why. It’s not about good or bad, right or wrong. It just is. And if you can’t relate to that poor guy hearing about the vacation, that doesn’t mean you are not insecure. It just means that you are not insecure in that particular way. For you, it might be the skinny chick who keeps talking about how fat she is.
It seems like everyone knows one person they can’t stand for no “good” reason. What the writer seem to be saying is that perhaps you DO have a reason.
That said, the only reason in that list that I can really relate to is the “you are wasting their time” one. I don’t do well with people who expect me to be in love with their jibber-jabbering.
Humans are also social creatures. It is natural for us to measure ourselves against other people and at least try to fit in with the pack. If it seems like you’re lagging behind the pack, of course you’re going to be pained by every reminder of your lowly status. It’s impolite for you to show this out in public, but the feeling itself is not a sign of a character defect.
Hell yeah, I’m an insecure person! I use the feeling to motivate me to be better and to do more. In moderation, insecurity can be a useful thing.
“It does me no injury for my neighbor to say there are 20 gods, or no god. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg.” - Thomas Jefferson.
I wholeheartedly embrace this quote. I don’t let other people’s actions offend me, if they really don’t do me any injuries. And, by way of corollary, I don’t give a flying fig if what I do offends someone else, if I’m not breaking his bones or stealing his money. If he chooses to be offended, tough noogies, that’s his problem.
I don’t see anything petty about it. It’s “don’t be a dick 101”-- don’t blow people off, be aware of power differences and how those make people feel, and remember that people have their own shit going on that may color how they react to stuff. Do we really consider basic empathy to be petty?