Not to be crass. If people wouldn’t get upset, we’d say “no gifts” at our wedding. We need a few things, okay, but not a ton of stuff. And I’m sure some people will give us cash. But if we get more than we need, we’d like to be able to use it for something we do need (like a bathroom remodel.) Which I suppose we can register for, but people like to buy traditional wedding gifts (china, etc.) and we can only use so many place settings.
I heard that Bed Bath and Beyond let you return for cash, but that evidently is not the case anymore. Are there any stores that do?
Yeah, but I’ve got a huge family who will want to buy us things and we just don’t need that much stuff. I mean, I have a toaster. I have a kitchen full of all the kitchen stuff I want. We’ll register for fine china, but my mother has enough Chantilly silver to feed the Chinese army with and I’ll be getting that eventually. We don’t really need most of the traditional wedding registry stuff, which is the stuff people want to get you.
I knew a couple who registered for a honeymoon at a travel agency, and wedding guests could make a monetary gift to the registry to help pay for the trip. Then the couple couple put their own money toward a house down payment instead of a honeymoon.
Also, Home Depot has a gift registry. So if you’re fixing up your bathroom, maybe you could register for building materials, fixtures, and other bathroom items? Maybe you could also do a registry at another store like Bed Bath and Beyond. Then if someone wants to buy you a pricey gift they could buy a sink, and if they want to spend less they could buy towels.
Why not just set up a registry for what you do want and let people decide how to spend their money? If you suspect that people might be less willing to contribute to your remodeling fund because they’d rather get you some nice heirloom, or whatever, I don’t think it’s ethically awesome to trick them into contributing to your remodeling fund anyway.
I’m confused. Don’t online gift registries indicate in some fashion if a person is buying the item and so it is removed from the choices so no more people need to get one? I’m still not clear why you can’t specify stuff you need even if it’s not weddingish.
My fiancee and I have been telling folks that we are registered with the US Treasury. I have been trying to come up with something for the wedding invitation that says something like “Be green, give green”.
Returns for cash? I highly, highly doubt it.
The only way places would give you cash (or check) back as a refund is if someone paid by cash or check in the first place. Absolutely no way retailers are going to give you cash/check back for things bought with credit cards. Once word got out that they did you’d get thousands of people abusing the system as a way of getting free cash advances. Not going to happen.
Yes, Miss Manners would disapprove of this naked grab for cash. And, so do I. If you don’t want gifts, then don’t ask for them. Say “Here’s some non-profits you can donate to, if you would like”.
You don’t need to “ask” for gifts to receive them at a wedding. A wedding is one of very few occaisions in which guests view gift giving as mandatory no matter what the couple says. Moreover it is a widely held opinion that stating “no gifts are necessary” is equally crass as demanding gifts. And a lot of people think that forcing charitable giving is the worst of all because it casts your wedding as a political fundraiser.
The OP’s dilemma is a common one. I don’t believe that she is engaging in any kind of naked gift grab as you describe it but merely wishes to forstall the giving of useless, unneeded, and potentially expensive items. Like so many things to do with weddings, it’s a noble impulse but ultimately fruitless.
The fact is Zsofia you simply cannot direct the manner of guest gift giving. Your closest friends are the ones you can share your preferences with and they can spread the word a bit among the friend-classes. You can tell people about a registry if they ask (register at common spots like Target, Bed/Bath/Beyond, or Crate & Barrel and most people will find it on their own.) Everyone else will do what they feel comfortable doing, and nothing you say or do will change that. If Aunt Sally wants to give you a china gravy boat or some other “traditional,” useless gift, no quantity of begging, pleading, or reasoning will make her comfortable with a Home Depot gift card.
Your best bet is to choose someplace to register where any return credits will be useful to you.
When I got married several years ago, we registered at Bloomingdales and opened a Bloomingdales charge account. When we returned items (and Bloomingdales was very good about accepting returns of just about anything they sold, whether or not it was bought there or even on our list), we would have them credit our Bloomingdales charge account.
Eventually, when we were through returning, we had a credit balance on our charge account, and asked Bloomingdales to refund that credit balance to us, which they promptly did.
I don’t know if Bloomingdales or other department stores still do this, but I would inquire.
Agreed. Miss Manners would also say that asking for gifts or even mentioning them is a wedding etiquette no-no, as well. And I agree about you regarding the charitable giving.
At my wedding, we simply solved this problem by not registering anywhere. We’re in our mid-30s, we have everything we need, and we really don’t need more shit around the house. I personally just wanted a “no gifts” wedding, but my fiancee informed me that it was also considered pretty rude, and my research on the matter indicated she was right. It helps that in my family and in this city, cash gifts at weddings are pretty common. There were three people who asked directly about if we were registered anywhere, and I simply replied, “no, we have all the household items we need, but if you want to get us a gift, a nice bottle of something is always appreciated.”
And that was that, and it all worked out fine. I seem to remember from another thread that this plan of action wasn’t possible for Zsofia, though.
How about this: hatchmyhouse.com
This online gift registry collects guests’ contributions for a down payment on a house, home improvements, or furniture; one of the first steps is to design your virtual dream house on the site. Sign-up is free, but there’s a 5.9 percent transaction fee on each gift (your guests can opt to pay this themselves). Funds are collected via PayPal
When we got married five years ago, Crate and Barrel would let you return for cash. I couldn’t find quickly on their website if they still allow this, though.
I also favor the idea of having registries for things you actually want, like a Home Depot registry. I would SO rather give someone a power tool for their wedding than a piece of china (and have done so on occasion).