I have a friend – we are now in our mid-60s, but we’ve known each other for 35-odd years, and he’s been as he is pooping-wise, for all that time… who has been a lifelong martyr to constipation. He has complicated urination issues too; all of which kind of stuff, he is very ready to discuss in great detail, with those close to him. He drinks (black, sugarless) coffee only – he abominates tea – and if anything can get him going for his hoped-for morning crap – which often, if it happens at all, takes him the best part of an hour; it’s several cups of black unsweetened coffee. This qualifies him, I suppose, as a sort of “coffee pooper”; but that result is not guaranteed for him, by any means. For decades, I’ve been listening to his – for me, TMI – detailed reports on his bodily-functions troubles / bothers / problems. He’s a great guy in many ways, and I’m sure there are things in which I’m a severe pain in the neck to him…
Not really. I go within an hour or so of getting up, generally. I often have coffee after that, so there’s nothing for the coffee to stimulate besides my bladder. It definitely acts as a diuretic for me and I need to pee within an hour or so. I eat largely vegetarian, so for me stool happens a couple times a day. Fiber is good.
After exactly 15 minutes, my morning coffee will invariably be followed by the passage of a well-formed and tapered stool.
Yes, and it’s part of the reason I never drink coffee on the road.
Have you seen some of those nasty roadside restrooms?
Do WHAT!?!?!
A) Coffee is NOT a poison. Coffee containes caffeine, which is a natural laxative(as is nicotine, BTW). Caffiene is primarily, but perhaps not solely, responsible for ‘coffee poops"; and
B) Coffee enemas are only recommended by some “alternative medicine” affficianados, not by main stream doctors. In fact, coffee enemas have no known benefits and many known dangers. The “Gerson treatment” (developed in the 1940’s for cryin’ out loud), which first touted coffee enemas, also calls for IV injections of calf liver extract. Are you up for that, too?
:rolleyes:
Thank you for this post.
Before I read your next sentence, the above conjured a really funny and disgusting image in my head. :o
Wooo boy -I certainly was earlier today!
This only started happening after I hit middle age. I assume it’s a BPH thing. My doctor doesn’t seem concerned.
Consternating, isn’t it? 
Every so often, when the topic of “Are interweb friends really friends?” comes up over lunch, I will insist that the Dopers know (or have the potential to know) more about me than my own family does. I am going to bookmark this thread for the next such argument.
And yes, it works for me. Caffeine + warm liquid is a dead cert for most people.
What is a well-formed and tapered stool? You mean like a comet?
Yes, coffee can make me inclined to part with my last meal. And when I smoked a cigarette could make the parting somewhat urgent. And decades back when other recreational drugs were used it might have caused the discarded material to achieve a rather impressive velocity. More than once I wiped my brow and thought Whew, glad we got that out of the way.
In college, the college newspaper once included a review of one of the cafeterias. It said this of the coffee:
“Has the effect of combining benzedrine and Feenamints: it gets you up and going”.
Not a coffee drinker here, so I never personally tested this assertion.
Well, I sometimes have had to go into a trot near the end of the walk as the trots ensue, not to the stage wear I need to where diapers though.
Definitely - but then, I’m an Asian palm civet.
My dog is walking pooper. He usually turns in a circle but sometimes will walk in a line. It was vastly annoying when he was a puppy and being house trained. Once he had projectile runny poos inside, which he sprayed in a circle. What a mess!
If this is true, then
- Drinking a can of Pepsi would have the same effect.
- Drinking decaf coffee would not have the same effect.
I’m thinking it’s another ingredient in coffee.
From reading the thread’s title, I thought this was gonna be about kopi luwac.
Coffee and pooping don’t seem to be connected in my metabolism.
HOT pooping.