See, I guess to me “lady” has a somewhat negative connotation. I have no desire to be a lady if it means being prissy and snooty. I’d much rather just be myself and if others want to consider me a lady, then so be it. But I’m sure as hell not going to try to fit into any mold to become what someone else’s idea of a lady is.
Personally, I do - and I qm any of the above depending on the circumstance.
Eve -thank you for your kind words; I will do my utmost to live up to the moniker.
yellowval : that is your choice. To act as a lady is a voluntary choice.
and upthread, I completely agree with the “you can tell a lady by how she treats the help.”
I also like the bit about the undies… 
Sorry - forgot about this.
I make distinctions between these terms; I don’t mind being called a lady or a gal (usually anyone calling me a gal is using the term in a humourous way), but I’m not old enough to be a dame, and babe and chick are somewhat demeaning. So is “girl”, by the way, as in “Get the girl to do it.”
Oh, I don’t like “Ma’am” much, either. This is usually used when someone is letting you know that they’re maintaining politeness when they’d really like to tell you to go to hell, as in “I’m sorry, Ma’am, your car isn’t ready yet in spite of our promise that it would be done two hours ago.”
I have been told I’m a lady.
I can outcurse Robert Shaw in “Jaws”, but I never do so to salespeople, waiters or people who are just doing their jobs and don’t make policy
I write prompt thank you notes. My mother allegedly wrote thank you notes in the bathroom at parties & put them in the mailbox on the way home.
I send flowers when someone goes the extra mile for me.
I never touch up my makeup in public.
I also think I’m a “broad” or a “dame”, too - I am not a prude, can laugh at a slightly off-color joke, and I don’t whine or cling.
I dress appropriately for an occasion and I also don’t show my underwear in public.
In private however…I’m a lady like Grace Kelly was a lady 
VCNJ~
I can’t say I am always a lady, but I for certain don’t want men to treat me like another man. Having worked in mostly male situations attimes I would like a little more courtesy than that. I have been privy to stories I really didn’t want to hear, know things about co-workers and friends I really didn’t want to know and was treated to more belching, flatulance and profanity than I want to hear in a lifetime.
I like when my escort opens my car door for me, I like when my freind waits to make sure my car starts when I am leaving before he leaves. I notice I am increasingly calling my employees by their formal names. I increasing don’t like it when young people call me by my given name however, Ms Adhemar is perfectly acceptable by just about everyone (it’s a Southern thang).
I think southeners tend to be raised with more emphasis on manners (but by no means are we the only ones raised with manners). I can remember being told that being a lady had no relationship to economic or social status. You can be poor as a churchmouse and be mannerly and rich as Croesus and be tacky, bless their hearts.
(Southern ladies can say the most aweful thigs about someone as long as they also say ’ bless her heart’. As in “Bless her heart, Tammy Sue is just as wild as they come.”
I’m not a lady, never have been. Pathetic housekeeping skills, very basic cooking knowledge, dress t’ please myself not to attract and never wear make-up. Rarely wear jewellery. Basically not much t’ look at, ‘cept as something th’ “cat brought in”, maybe.
I’m polite to strangers, got a good phone manner, I help folks out, folks like to talk to me in the street and I hug and kiss my friends freely 'cause I love 'em. But such does not a lady make.
I’m actually fine with this. There are some lovely folk out there who have all the looks and graces that it takes to be called and admired as a lady.
I’m the obligatory contrast.
Being a lady means, minimally, having an ounce of good manners, kindness, charm, tact, and confidence.
Thus, I am not a lady.
Great post!
I think that it has to do with being gracious and good-hearted. As someone said already “caring for others”.
So what’s the word for a woman who has all the outward appearance of being a lady (clothes, mannerisms, etc.), but her actions betray her as not a lady at all?
Poseuse?
Yes, let me try to explain what I think the differences are
lady A class act. Not high class v los class but someone (female of course) that acts in a classy manner.
dame More corse and louder than a lady. Think Burbon neat vs. Champane
babe Smokin hot, need I say more? Some ladies can also be babes
chick Young dame. Might grow into a lady, or a dame. Time will tell. Either that or very corse female (think stripper)
gal Tomboy. Not a bad thing. Could be a very good thing. Might also be a lady when cleaned up.
This is what goes through my mind when these terms are used. YMMV.
Bitch
I can be if I want to but I don’t feel like it most of the time. I’ve been a tomboy most of my life and that’s probably not going to change any time soon. The traditional idea of ‘lady’ and ‘gentleman’ and building a relationship off of that is not for me.
I’m just as strong and rough as I am gentle and soft (if not more so). Any man I date better be prepared to deal with that. 
What makes one a lady?
A five o’clock shadow, perhaps?
(I can’t believe anyone else didn’t see this thread and instantly think, “But I’m a lady!”)
Personally, I’ll remain a lady for as long as the chap I am dealing with remains a gentleman.